Hi Everyone
I haven’t posted for ages, lack of time, and too flipping tired when I do have some time.
Hubby and I went out for a very late lunch yesterday, which was a welcomed change. Whilst waiting for our meal, a middle aged lady came in with her mum. The ‘mum’, beaming smile said ‘my daughter has brought me out for lunch’, clearly ticked pink. They sat down and ordered a pot of tea whilst perusing the menu. The mum was chatting away quite happily. Her daughter on the other hand totally ignored her; it was obvious she didn’t want to be there. Now I totally appreciate that my following thoughts were probably completely unreasonable, who knows what’s happening in their lives.
But I really wanted to say to the daughter, you have no idea how lucky you are to be able to bring your mum out for lunch, have her sitting there looking as pretty as a picture and having a ‘normal’ conversation. I was getting more and more distressed as the minutes went by, then I totally disgraced myself by bursting into tears. I was completely jealous of the woman having her mum out with her.
You see mum isn’t good at all. She has had a series of bad falls, the last one she needed to go to hospital to have stitches in her face, which in itself was a major trauma.
Since then she has had a massive down turn. She cannot walk or stand. She eats and drinks next to nothing. She doesn’t even ask for her cuppa anymore. Her conversation is non existent, and over the last 48 hours she has become doubly incontinent. Basically she sleeps all the time. I do wake her when I go to see her, but she can only keep her eyes open for no more than a couple of minutes, then back to sleep. But as a good friend said to me, at least whilst she is asleep, she is out of this dreadful disease, which is something I hadn’t thought of.
All I can do now is lie on the bed next to her and give her a cuddle. I’m not even sure she knows I’m there anymore. The nurses at the NH continue to be wonderful to both mum and me. They are so caring and nothing is too much trouble. So I spend my days at work, then dashing to be with mum as much as possible.
After all this time I should have been better prepared for this, but I’m not. I feel cheated out of the coming summer; we used to enjoy our trips, me pushing mum in her wheelchair around the local lake, OK the conversation was non existent, but that didn’t matter. I thought I had done with the tears, come to terms with all of this, seeing my poor mum like this, but it just slapped me in the face all over again. I want my feisty mum back, I want the summer I had planned for us, and I want the 90th birthday party I had planned for her next month. Life just isn’t fair is it.
Thanks for listening.
Love to all
Cate xxx
I haven’t posted for ages, lack of time, and too flipping tired when I do have some time.
Hubby and I went out for a very late lunch yesterday, which was a welcomed change. Whilst waiting for our meal, a middle aged lady came in with her mum. The ‘mum’, beaming smile said ‘my daughter has brought me out for lunch’, clearly ticked pink. They sat down and ordered a pot of tea whilst perusing the menu. The mum was chatting away quite happily. Her daughter on the other hand totally ignored her; it was obvious she didn’t want to be there. Now I totally appreciate that my following thoughts were probably completely unreasonable, who knows what’s happening in their lives.
But I really wanted to say to the daughter, you have no idea how lucky you are to be able to bring your mum out for lunch, have her sitting there looking as pretty as a picture and having a ‘normal’ conversation. I was getting more and more distressed as the minutes went by, then I totally disgraced myself by bursting into tears. I was completely jealous of the woman having her mum out with her.
You see mum isn’t good at all. She has had a series of bad falls, the last one she needed to go to hospital to have stitches in her face, which in itself was a major trauma.
Since then she has had a massive down turn. She cannot walk or stand. She eats and drinks next to nothing. She doesn’t even ask for her cuppa anymore. Her conversation is non existent, and over the last 48 hours she has become doubly incontinent. Basically she sleeps all the time. I do wake her when I go to see her, but she can only keep her eyes open for no more than a couple of minutes, then back to sleep. But as a good friend said to me, at least whilst she is asleep, she is out of this dreadful disease, which is something I hadn’t thought of.
All I can do now is lie on the bed next to her and give her a cuddle. I’m not even sure she knows I’m there anymore. The nurses at the NH continue to be wonderful to both mum and me. They are so caring and nothing is too much trouble. So I spend my days at work, then dashing to be with mum as much as possible.
After all this time I should have been better prepared for this, but I’m not. I feel cheated out of the coming summer; we used to enjoy our trips, me pushing mum in her wheelchair around the local lake, OK the conversation was non existent, but that didn’t matter. I thought I had done with the tears, come to terms with all of this, seeing my poor mum like this, but it just slapped me in the face all over again. I want my feisty mum back, I want the summer I had planned for us, and I want the 90th birthday party I had planned for her next month. Life just isn’t fair is it.
Thanks for listening.
Love to all
Cate xxx