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Upset with My mum's recent outbursts

Nightshade01

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
71
0
I am now feeling upset and depressed with my mum screaming at me a few times and I no longer wish to tlk to her. She keeps asking me what is wrong and I'd rather not tell her as she would be shouting about it again. We are now looking for seprate houses on are own. My mum's older brother is in a care home and keeps getting into fights with people and has been to hospital. My mum has a telephone consulation with the doctar in a few week time. My mum hoped there wouldn't be anything wrong with her but she is forgetful and sometimes gets into mood swings like my uncle. I just feel upset, depressed and angry with my mum over her outbursts. We can't always get on at certain times. I am still bidding on property pool to find somewhere to live.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
675
0
If you think your mum has dementia there is no point in getting angry about it, her behaviour is a symptom of the illness. If she is just a nasty woman that's a completely different situation. Dementia usually seems to start with a loss of short term memory, is that the case here?
 
Last edited:

Jacques

Registered User
Apr 4, 2020
38
0
If this is not the way that your mother normally behaves then maybe you should be contacting her doctor to see if he can see or speak to her sooner. Maybe she needs some form of medication until a full diagnosis can be made.
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
573
0
My mum used to get quite horrible. We would be eating and she would tell me to stop eating as I was fat.
She would talk loudly about people when we were out and got very bad tempered. This was all not normal for her. I was quite scared as I felt it was my fault for behaving badly.
On diagnosis, (yes she shouted at me) and being given memantine she has calmed down and I don’t get shouted at any more, though I still get frightened. It really has a bad effect on us. It’s not your mum it’s the disease; tell yourself that every time she starts up.
Try and get yourself some help in the meantime, maybe from the doctor, or any social clubs or groups of friends. Post here when you need to as most of us completely understand where you are at.
Most of alll......Be kind to yourself and take care
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,667
0
South coast
Does your mums GP know what she is like @Kate221 ? If not, perhaps you could contact them (an old fashioned letter might actually be best during the lock down). The doctor will not be able to talk to you about her, but he can listen and if you send in a letter it will be scanned and added to her file. The doctor then may be happy to bring her in on some pretext or another.
 

Louise7

Volunteer Host
Mar 25, 2016
2,892
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Just a thought, but how old is your mum @Kate221? Being forgetful and having mood swings can be symptoms of the menopause.
 

Nightshade01

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
71
0
If you think your mum has dementia there is no point in getting angry about it, her behaviour is a symptom of the illness. If she is just a nasty woman that's a completely different situation. Dementia usually seems to start with a loss of short term memory, is that the case here?
She doesn't normally want to upset me, she has normally said sorry. But now I had been feeling annoyed that she is now acting like she doesn't care that I'm upset. And doesn't seem to remember.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,667
0
South coast
But now I had been feeling annoyed that she is now acting like she doesn't care that I'm upset. And doesn't seem to remember.
People with dementia lose the ability to see things from other peoples viewpoint and therefore cannot understand why you are upset - it sounds like your mum is going along that path.

Not remembering any of the events, including that you were upset, is, of course, par for the course as her memory becomes more impaired.

We naturally expect people to react "normally" and when they dont, it is upsetting, unsettling and we feel like they are doing it on purpose, but your mum has dementia - her brain is broken - and she can no longer react normally.
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,455
0
She doesn't normally want to upset me, she has normally said sorry. But now I had been feeling annoyed that she is now acting like she doesn't care that I'm upset. And doesn't seem to remember.
It's the product of a sick mind, it's all part and parcel of the illness, I'm afraid. The lack of empathy, complete self absorption, loss of social skills , loss of logic and reasoning , unable to see anyone else's point of view, it's all normal for a person with dementia.
 

Nightshade01

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
71
0
Part of the reason why I been feeling angry is because the nieghbours had been getting at me and blaming me because of my uncle's outbursts. I couldn't cope last year and I had to leave my job due to nearly having a nervous breakdown with panic attacks. Now my nieghbours have heard my mum screaming and shouting and I've heard the nieghbours talking about me again and laughing. I thought they may think I'm to blame again as they made my life hell in the past with their bullying. I been having crying fits all week and haven't been albe to think straight or sleep properly. I haven't been able to get docter yet.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,667
0
South coast
Your neighbours obviously have zero understanding of dementia. I can understand why you want to move out.
I hope you manage to get an appointment with the doctor soon
xx
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
675
0
Your neighbours obviously have zero understanding of dementia. I can understand why you want to move out.
I hope you manage to get an appointment with the doctor soon
xx
Whilst I would of course condemn bullying or antisocial behaviour by the neighbours, they too have rights and if their right to peacefully enjoy their own property is being compromised by a PWD they would be reasonable in demanding that it somehow be stopped. I would not be happy if my neighbour caused me a nuisance on a permanent basis!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,667
0
South coast
Whilst I would of course condemn bullying or antisocial behaviour by the neighbours, they too have rights and if their right to peacefully enjoy their own property is being compromised by a PWD they would be reasonable in demanding that it somehow be stopped. I would not be happy if my neighbour caused me a nuisance on a permanent basis!
Well, I agree and it shows how bad everything has got that they are complaining, but the trouble is that they are blaming the daughter (who is feeling very helpless in the situation) and not the PWD.
 

Nightshade01

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
71
0
Well, I agree and it shows how bad everything has got that they are complaining, but the trouble is that they are blaming the daughter (who is feeling very helpless in the situation) and not the PWD.
Its very akward for me now. Today with my mum its like everthing is normal again and she doesn't have a clue what happend. And now the nieghbours a outside gossiping to each other about me. I cant stand the niegbours what they maybe saying.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
675
0
Its very akward for me now. Today with my mum its like everthing is normal again and she doesn't have a clue what happend. And now the nieghbours a outside gossiping to each other about me. I cant stand the niegbours what they maybe saying.
I really would try not to worry about gossip. That's one of your smallest problems. In any case they might be more sympathetic than you think. You could try chatting to them yourself so they know you are doing your best to manage the situation.
 

Nightshade01

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
71
0
I really would try not to worry about gossip. That's one of your smallest problems. In any case they might be more sympathetic than you think. You could try chatting to them yourself so they know you are doing your best to manage the situation.
She is not that sympathiic. She threw toy figures into the garden again this morning. I'll ignore them anyway thanks.
 

thistlejak

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
35
0
You might not want to go down this route - when MIL was causing upset for the neighbours we asked them to contact Social Services ( we even gave them the number to call) as we could do no more than we were doing . If/when you need help from SS reports from 'other' people appear to hold more sway than just family telling them how it is.
 

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