Many of you know that Ken has been on the Assessment/Long Stay ward at the local hospital for the past 5 months and I am desperate to get him moved to a lovely EMI nursing home. The Consultant in charge needs to assure herself that his behaviour can be managed by staff at the EMI home before she will sanction the move. With this in mind he has been attending a day care centre 2 days each week to be assessed for his interaction with other patients.
All went well the fist few visits. The day care centre is lovely - bright and airy. The staff are lovely - kind, caring and provide good quality activities. All seemed to be progressing and I was full of hope. I even thought he might be allowed to move to the EMI home perhaps just after Christmas.
I am now allowed to bring him out of hospital for a few hours twice a week to come home. He needs constant attention but it was good to have such quality time away from the busy, noisy and sometimes violent ward and we both coped very well with the 2 short home visits we have had together. I torture myself thinking that I should have him home for good, that I am his wife of 40 years and somehow I must find the strength and courage to do this but my head tells me that this would be an impossible situation and I could not cope. When he first went into hospital I pinned my hopes on a change of medication to alter his behaviour but now accept that he was and still is on the maximum he can be given. It was not so good taking him back to the ward, but he complied fairly well and the staff didn't report any unduely agitated behaviour. I also visit him every day and transport him to his day care centre, so all in all, I felt things were moving into a happier phase for both of us.
What a bump down to earth I have had this week. His last two visits to the day care centre have been pretty disasterous! Last Friday I was asked to collect him very early as he had become agitated and distressed and was looking for me. This behaviour is following an all too familiar pattern which I used to experience when looking after him before he went into hospital. On the car journey back to the ward he calmed down considerably, probably because he was back with me - his 'safety net'. Monday was even worse! He became more and more agitated during the morning and by lunchtime had thoroughly upset a lady patient by hallucinating that she was me. I'm not sure what he actually did to her but the staff said she was crying and upset. I was out shopping and could not be reached so two of the day care staff took him back to the ward. He is to be allowed to the day care centre again but if this behaviour is repeated he will not be able to continue to go there.
I ask myself am I visiting and seeing him so much that he cannot settle without me by his side? I didn't go yesterday and when I arrived on the ward today he clung to me desperately for the first few minutes. He also surprised me by telling me that I hadn't visited him for a long time. He normally can't remember what he has been doing 5 minutes previously so I was astonished that he knew I hadn't been the day before.
I asked the ward manager today if she thought I was visiting too often. She said that she felt I was doing too much - not for Ken's sake - but for my sake. She was concerned for me and my well being. We decided that I would not visit Tuesdays and Saturdays and she would monitor how he behaves on the days I'm not there. I am also going on a 4 day break in 10 days. I have no one who can visit him during those 4 days and am feeling pretty bad about leaving him.
Has anyone any advice please to help me in this turmoil? xx TinaT
All went well the fist few visits. The day care centre is lovely - bright and airy. The staff are lovely - kind, caring and provide good quality activities. All seemed to be progressing and I was full of hope. I even thought he might be allowed to move to the EMI home perhaps just after Christmas.
I am now allowed to bring him out of hospital for a few hours twice a week to come home. He needs constant attention but it was good to have such quality time away from the busy, noisy and sometimes violent ward and we both coped very well with the 2 short home visits we have had together. I torture myself thinking that I should have him home for good, that I am his wife of 40 years and somehow I must find the strength and courage to do this but my head tells me that this would be an impossible situation and I could not cope. When he first went into hospital I pinned my hopes on a change of medication to alter his behaviour but now accept that he was and still is on the maximum he can be given. It was not so good taking him back to the ward, but he complied fairly well and the staff didn't report any unduely agitated behaviour. I also visit him every day and transport him to his day care centre, so all in all, I felt things were moving into a happier phase for both of us.
What a bump down to earth I have had this week. His last two visits to the day care centre have been pretty disasterous! Last Friday I was asked to collect him very early as he had become agitated and distressed and was looking for me. This behaviour is following an all too familiar pattern which I used to experience when looking after him before he went into hospital. On the car journey back to the ward he calmed down considerably, probably because he was back with me - his 'safety net'. Monday was even worse! He became more and more agitated during the morning and by lunchtime had thoroughly upset a lady patient by hallucinating that she was me. I'm not sure what he actually did to her but the staff said she was crying and upset. I was out shopping and could not be reached so two of the day care staff took him back to the ward. He is to be allowed to the day care centre again but if this behaviour is repeated he will not be able to continue to go there.
I ask myself am I visiting and seeing him so much that he cannot settle without me by his side? I didn't go yesterday and when I arrived on the ward today he clung to me desperately for the first few minutes. He also surprised me by telling me that I hadn't visited him for a long time. He normally can't remember what he has been doing 5 minutes previously so I was astonished that he knew I hadn't been the day before.
I asked the ward manager today if she thought I was visiting too often. She said that she felt I was doing too much - not for Ken's sake - but for my sake. She was concerned for me and my well being. We decided that I would not visit Tuesdays and Saturdays and she would monitor how he behaves on the days I'm not there. I am also going on a 4 day break in 10 days. I have no one who can visit him during those 4 days and am feeling pretty bad about leaving him.
Has anyone any advice please to help me in this turmoil? xx TinaT