Update on driving concerns

[yorkie46]

Well my husband received the form from DVLA but wasn't too annoyed by it. Only problem was he couldn't complete it himself so I had to help. Unhappy about mentioning the memory clinic but I insisted he should. He's now had a letter telling him they have contacted his GP. Again he doesn't seem bothered, says he never thought he'd be driving after he was 80. However he still wants to drive when I'm away for a week even though he now hasn't got behind the wheel for six weeks, ever since the incidents which made me decide to contact DVLA.
I still have so many concerns about his memory. I have to have a colonoscopy, he had one a few months ago and at first couldn't remember it, when he did or said he did he couldn't remember what the outcome was. If I don't keep a check on all his medical issues I don't know what would happen. I'm too of this we now have been changed to a new GP at the same practice. I really didn't want to have to start again because the previous one had proved so understanding and helpful.
Nothing's ever easy is it!!!

 

[Duggies-girl]

Well my husband received the form from DVLA but wasn't too annoyed by it. Only problem was he couldn't complete it himself so I had to help. Unhappy about mentioning the memory clinic but I insisted he should. He's now had a letter telling him they have contacted his GP. Again he doesn't seem bothered, says he never thought he'd be driving after he was 80. However he still wants to drive when I'm away for a week even though he now hasn't got behind the wheel for six weeks, ever since the incidents which made me decide to contact DVLA.
I still have so many concerns about his memory. I have to have a colonoscopy, he had one a few months ago and at first couldn't remember it, when he did or said he did he couldn't remember what the outcome was. If I don't keep a check on all his medical issues I don't know what would happen. I'm too of this we now have been changed to a new GP at the same practice. I really didn't want to have to start again because the previous one had proved so understanding and helpful.
Nothing's ever easy is it!!!

Lose the keys or remove the fob battery. There are ways to disable the car. If it is an old car just pull off a HT lead or disconnect the battery. I am not sure if it is that simple with newer cars though.

Depends on how clued up he is about cars.

 

[canary]

Can you go and see this new GP, tell him about the letter from DVLA and explain your concerns?

 

[yorkie46]

Hi Duggies-girl

No it's a new car, hybrid. I wouldn't know how to disable it. If I took the battery out of the fob he would replace it but also he would know it was me. As I've said before he doesn't have a diagnosis but is capable of doing some diy and things like changing batteries. I have however noticed those things are becoming more difficult.
Just an observation, there's an advert running on tv at the moment where a child wants to buy a bar of chocolate for her mum's birthday but obviously doesn't have money. He watched it today and told me that yesterday the child had wanted chocolate for her dad. Maybe I'm wrong but I've never seen that. This is just an indication of the sort of thing he gets wrong or misunderstands. I don't correct him because it just causes arguments. Today he told me the government have banned log burners, I did say I don't think they've banned them but they want people to stop using them.

Canary
I will definitely try to speak to new GP. I think they have actually written to the previous one, I saw him last week and have him the heads up and told him he needed help to complete the form.

 

[Duggies-girl]

Hi Duggies-girl

No it's a new car, hybrid. I wouldn't know how to disable it. If I took the battery out of the fob he would replace it but also he would know it was me. As I've said before he doesn't have a diagnosis but is capable of doing some diy and things like changing batteries. I have however noticed those things are becoming more difficult.
Just an observation, there's an advert running on tv at the moment where a child wants to buy a bar of chocolate for her mum's birthday but obviously doesn't have money. He watched it today and told me that yesterday the child had wanted chocolate for her dad. Maybe I'm wrong but I've never seen that. This is just an indication of the sort of thing he gets wrong or misunderstands. I don't correct him because it just causes arguments. Today he told me the government have banned log burners, I did say I don't think they've banned them but they want people to stop using them.

Canary
I will definitely try to speak to new GP. I think they have actually written to the previous one, I saw him last week and have him the heads up and told him he needed help to complete the form.

Yes I have seen the advert and it is a little girl who wants chocolate for her mum and my dad gets muddled by all sorts he sees on TV

The car is more of a problem though, I had to get dads doctor to tell him he had to stop driving because he would not listen to me. He has never driven since but sometimes he says he might drive again one day and I just remind him that his licence has expired and he would have to take another test before he can renew it. He seems happy with that and has no access to a car anyway now. It is a difficult problem to deal with but dad had to stop or something awful would have happened. Dad is obviously further down the line than your husband although dads diagnosis was very late.

I find it very difficult to understand how dad just convinced himself immediately that the doctors were wrong and he just has slight memory problems, he has also convinced himself that he is very healthy and there is nothing wrong with him (he has oesophageal cancer and is on palliative care only) I know that they can forget these things but dad definitely chose to immediately forget those bad things and remember it how he wants it to be. Suppose it is a blessing really.

 

[yorkie46]

Yes it does seem strange that they can forget the bad things as well as the good.

I think because my husband doesn't have a diagnosis I find it more difficult to cope with when he says something that is so obviously incorrect. If I tell him he's wrong or he's heard something incorrectly or got confused he just gets annoyed and tells me I'm wrong he knows what he's seen it heard. If it's something I've told him that he's forgotten he says I've never told him because he would have remembered or used his pet phrase 'if you say so' which annoys me intensely!! I know I shouldn't let it but there are days when I just want to scream! I'm sure I'm not alone. I just can't understand why the doctors don't seem to see this or understand or accept it when I tell them. I just don't believe it's just his age, he's 82.

 

[Cat27]

Yes it does seem strange that they can forget the bad things as well as the good.

I think because my husband doesn't have a diagnosis I find it more difficult to cope with when he says something that is so obviously incorrect. If I tell him he's wrong or he's heard something incorrectly or got confused he just gets annoyed and tells me I'm wrong he knows what he's seen it heard. If it's something I've told him that he's forgotten he says I've never told him because he would have remembered or used his pet phrase 'if you say so' which annoys me intensely!! I know I shouldn't let it but there are days when I just want to scream! I'm sure I'm not alone. I just can't understand why the doctors don't seem to see this or understand or accept it when I tell them. I just don't believe it's just his age, he's 82.

Have you seen this thread @yorkie46 https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

 

[yorkie46]

Hi Cat27
Thanks, yes I've seen the thread 're compassionate communication and try very hard but sometimes it's really not easy. I completely understand the principle and it makes perfect sense both for the Carer and the person with difficulties.