hi everyone
its been a long time since i shared with you that Dave was found wandering six miles away. Since then he seems to have deteriorated. has become doubly incontinent and also very aggressive if i tried to change him myself. after a month of this i was sotally exhausted and esperately needed respite help. i ws told by the team to find my own privately.found a home but then dave refused adamantly to get in the car to go. he sensed the carer and myself were trying to persuade him to do something he didnt want. Called the emi team who told me he couldnt have an ambulance because it was a privat enursing home!! so round incircles!! meanhile dave was punching and kicking me and his carer. In desperation i decided to get him respite in hospital. I called the home treatment team at 3am and they tried to fob me off. but dave was desperately needing help with his incontinence. so i called the police who were pretty upset when they saw the state he was in. i called the ASW on duty and also his GP. They arrived and looked like they would do anything to avoid dave going into hospital. so i walked out of the house for a while. They had no choice then.
I slept for the first night all night for the first time in two years. Then in the morning I went into the hospital emi unit and stayed with dave for four days. I watched the nurses and learned their strategies for helping dave to cooperate with being washed and changed. at night i went home and slept. huge relief to watch others clean up around him, and cook for him and keep him clean and comfortable. But also seeing other people with dementia, some very disturbed indeed espeically when their relatives werent there, made me realise how lucky i am that dave is gentle and quiet. No doctor came near him during those four days. People were screaming, banging doors, walking around and around, trying to escape. Within four days Dave began to imitate them. In other words he was quickly becoming insitutionalised.
After four days there was a ward round..they asked me what the plan was and i told them the plan was that i was taking him home that very day. which i did.
I went into daves room and toldhim wer were going. Dave hardly ever speaks but he certainly understood! he just said 'life is beautiful!. we hurried beyond th elocked doors to freedom in the carpark as in the movie 'one flew out of the cuckoos nest! I havent seen dave smile much either in the lst couple of days but not only was he smiling but he directed me down the motrway all the way home!!
In hospital he did cooperate with the nurses. Now i have employed Age Concern twice a day. When he sees the unfiroms of these two kindly people he gets up and goes straight into the bathroom where he gladly sits in a warm soap sudded bath!
I wont approach the hospital for more respite because the place ws too disturbing. But you can learn a lot by watching how nurses cope with the practicalities if you are cak handed like me!!
Meanwhile Daves sons who live in Canada, who are both powers of attorney with me, have decided to try and get his money out of england over there. They can do this because they can act 'severally@. They have emailed me to ask me not to contact any of his banks and they want me to send his will over to them. This is going to be a difficult one to deal with..the next challenge. I dont think i have enough strength to face a family dispute over what Daves best interests are??
Keep trying everyone and never let the focus stray from the person who counts most. People with dementia are still people in their own right. They may seem different than before and that hurts but they stillhave their up days, their down days, their worries, and they can still feel comfort.
carolyn
its been a long time since i shared with you that Dave was found wandering six miles away. Since then he seems to have deteriorated. has become doubly incontinent and also very aggressive if i tried to change him myself. after a month of this i was sotally exhausted and esperately needed respite help. i ws told by the team to find my own privately.found a home but then dave refused adamantly to get in the car to go. he sensed the carer and myself were trying to persuade him to do something he didnt want. Called the emi team who told me he couldnt have an ambulance because it was a privat enursing home!! so round incircles!! meanhile dave was punching and kicking me and his carer. In desperation i decided to get him respite in hospital. I called the home treatment team at 3am and they tried to fob me off. but dave was desperately needing help with his incontinence. so i called the police who were pretty upset when they saw the state he was in. i called the ASW on duty and also his GP. They arrived and looked like they would do anything to avoid dave going into hospital. so i walked out of the house for a while. They had no choice then.
I slept for the first night all night for the first time in two years. Then in the morning I went into the hospital emi unit and stayed with dave for four days. I watched the nurses and learned their strategies for helping dave to cooperate with being washed and changed. at night i went home and slept. huge relief to watch others clean up around him, and cook for him and keep him clean and comfortable. But also seeing other people with dementia, some very disturbed indeed espeically when their relatives werent there, made me realise how lucky i am that dave is gentle and quiet. No doctor came near him during those four days. People were screaming, banging doors, walking around and around, trying to escape. Within four days Dave began to imitate them. In other words he was quickly becoming insitutionalised.
After four days there was a ward round..they asked me what the plan was and i told them the plan was that i was taking him home that very day. which i did.
I went into daves room and toldhim wer were going. Dave hardly ever speaks but he certainly understood! he just said 'life is beautiful!. we hurried beyond th elocked doors to freedom in the carpark as in the movie 'one flew out of the cuckoos nest! I havent seen dave smile much either in the lst couple of days but not only was he smiling but he directed me down the motrway all the way home!!
In hospital he did cooperate with the nurses. Now i have employed Age Concern twice a day. When he sees the unfiroms of these two kindly people he gets up and goes straight into the bathroom where he gladly sits in a warm soap sudded bath!
I wont approach the hospital for more respite because the place ws too disturbing. But you can learn a lot by watching how nurses cope with the practicalities if you are cak handed like me!!
Meanwhile Daves sons who live in Canada, who are both powers of attorney with me, have decided to try and get his money out of england over there. They can do this because they can act 'severally@. They have emailed me to ask me not to contact any of his banks and they want me to send his will over to them. This is going to be a difficult one to deal with..the next challenge. I dont think i have enough strength to face a family dispute over what Daves best interests are??
Keep trying everyone and never let the focus stray from the person who counts most. People with dementia are still people in their own right. They may seem different than before and that hurts but they stillhave their up days, their down days, their worries, and they can still feel comfort.
carolyn
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