update on dave may 2012

[donkey]

im not sure how long its been since i last posted , im not sure why but it has been a long time in adjusting too dave going into the care home, i spend my time between home work and being with dave and i never seem too have a minute too spare. dave is very much worse now, he finds it difficult too communicate anything other than home on his talking aid . he can barley hold his weight now when standing,it takes 3 carers to stand and move him or they use a standing hoist. hes very deppressed and when i go we never seem to have any quality time as he continually trys to type in home and im continually explaining why he cant. dave now has a loveley room downstairs with all the home comforts, dave has his own computer installed in his room and should be up and running soon. its specificley for a disabled person with large mouse and keys. even if he manages to play a game i will be happy. we were allocated an admiral nurse recently and she was fantastic and made me feel that i had done all i could at home for dave. dave will never believe that as he still understands some things. dave is now doubley incontinent ,he cant do anything for himself, has trouble eating and drinking, but still looks like any other 57 yr old. the home has become my second family now andi no that they all love dave and do anything to eleveate his disstress. dave went to the albion last sat with the children and a carer from the home . dave comes home regulaly usually on a sunday for the day but was home today because i was not at work, . i will try and keep in touch more often as things are a bit calmer and send my love too all my friends and hope life is being kind too you all. love lyn xxxx

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Lyn

I`m sorry to hear Dave has lost so much. Visiting must be very hard for you. I hope you are managing to give yourself some thought while you are dashing all over the place. xx

 

[TinaT]

I send you my admiration for all that you are doing to ensure that your Dave is kept comfortable. I know what it costs to keep it all going.

I also understand how important it is that you are comfortable yourself whilst you are at the care home and that you consider yourself another member of the team looking after Dave.

I too get the message clear from my husband about 'home' even though he cannot communicate much else and also spend time explaining that he is still not well and we have to wait a little longer - all 'white lies' of course but I will continue to do this as to tell the truth would be too painful for both of us.

Take care of yourself. It is never easy is it?

xxTinaT

 

[donkey]

its all so sad im still waiting for a miracle and most of the time its on my mind and i dont sleep thinking up ways to help dave . the plus side is we dont have the stress at home now but i do think that we are all carrying it around hidden deep inside but we cant let it out anymore. how are you sylvia xx

 

[Jancis]

Lovely to hear from you Lyn and I'm sorry that Dave is struggling so much now. But it sounds as if he's being cared for wonderfully by everyone, and especially by you. Love and blessings to you xxxx Jancis

 

[Izzy]

It is nice to hear from you again Lyn. I'm so sorry Dave has deteriorated to this extent. It's so sad. Thinking of you. x

 

[Grannie G]

how are you sylvia xx

I`m not too bad thanks Lyn, dividing my time between house and care home with a few activities in between. xx

 

[donkey]

thankyou tina, i sometimes think that i should just go every other day but as i pass the home on my way home at night, i find myself drawn to the place, then when i go in i wish i hadnt. i try and do things now like shower dave or play a game to take his mind off wanting to come home xx

 

[donkey]

thankyou izzy and janis we do what we have to do dont we or i should say want too it still gives me great pleasure when ive give dave the full monty shower shave hair wash toe nails finger nails, nose

 

[danny]

Hi Lyn. Good to hear from you. I often wonder how you and Dave are getting on.
Hope life is calm for you for a good while yet and I am so pleased that Dave is in a nice care home with caring staff.
Take care and don`t forget to let us all know how you are keeping.

Best wishes for now, Angela

 

[TinaT]

I so understand your position. After three years of daily visiting, I now restrict myself to every other day. Just like you when I am there I do as much 'personal care' as I can. It does him good and it does me good and makes me feel closer to him.

Somehow or another we have to maintain the balance between love and devotion and knowing that one day, we will be left completely on our own - a frightening thought. Just like you on the days I don't go I feel torn in two and feel I should be there.

No matter how tiring it is to keep going to the care home and finding that our loved ones are OK and are not desperately missing us as much as we imagined they would be, we will always feel that tug to go. It's a fine balancing act we perform.

xxTinaT

 

[larivy]

Hi lyn I have missed you on TP sorry to hear how Dave is now often think of you
Both love larivy

 

[sunray]

insight

Hi Lynn, with Ray in full-time care I have a lot of the thoughts you do. From time to time when he has had a good day and been quite lucid I lay awake thinking, round and round, how would I manage if I brought him home etc. In the light of day I can see the irrationality of it all, at night I just can't turn it off!

Like Dave Ray has lost so much in the six months since he has been in the home. I couldn't shower him but do do mani-pedicures and other things like cream rubbed into legs and massaging of hands and feet. I like the intimacy of doing things I know others cannot do.

I agree with your thought that we have not got rid of the stress, we are just better at hiding it now.

Sue.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I'm glad to see you back but sorry to hear about Dave not being happy. At least you are happy with the home and the care given to Dave, which is an important thing.

 

[donkey]

thankyou for all your kind words. dave came home for the day today and he had fishfingers chips and beans and loved every mouthfull. dave had his new chair i bought delivered friday and its so much more comfortable and he looks like a king sitting in it. he put his thumb up and then indicated how much i told him that he had paid for it and his thumb went down dave hasnt changed on that subject:

 

[Izzy]

That's lovely Lyn. X