1. turmoil

    turmoil Registered User

    Feb 3, 2013
    241
    West Yorkshire
    Thought I would update you, Dad pressed his safe and sound alarm on 27th Dec as he had severe pain, they called an ambulance and he was taken to A&E this was at 1am, they checked him over, noted he was jaundiced and sent him home at 4.30am. No one called me :mad: I arrived the next morning and he said he had been to hospital, I thought he was mixed up, but could clearly see he was not well so I rang hid doctors, that is when I found out he had been to hospital.

    Anyhow I took him back to hospital, it was confirmed that the cancer had spread so an operation was performed to have a stent put in the bile duct, this is a palliative measure.
    He came through this however he suffered the worst ever dellerium I have seen, the nurses did not have the resources to look after him so I was asked to stay overnight with him, which I did. I must add that Dad was moved to another ward and whilst very busy, the staff have been great.

    I have finally got Dad the help he deserves, I have found him a home it is a few bus rides away for me but seems to be just right for Dad, they do end of life care and seen to genuinely care. Snow permitting I am taking him there today with the help of my son.

    I am lying to Dad, I have told him he is going for rehabilitation as he has lost a lot of weight and needs to build himself up, the doctors are talking of a couple of month, but they don't know Dad very well:D

    I feel mixed emotions, I'm sure somewhere in me there is relief but I have not found it yet. I feel guilty for knowing Dad is never coming out of the home, when he doesn't, but that is a blessing I guess.


    It's such a shame that it is only when Dad is near the end, that he is getting the help we wanted for him 4 year ago.

    Take care and thank you

    Turmoil x
     
  2. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,109
    hertfordshire
    Thanks for updating about your Dad, sorry to hear how ill he is, glad you have found him a nice home and hope he will be happy for whatever time he has left, it shouldn't come to this for help to finally be given, things are definitely getting worse for carers take care xx

    Ange
     
  3. susy

    susy Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    806
    North East
    I'm sure he will be happy being looked after xxx
     
  4. Chook

    Chook Registered User

    Jun 14, 2013
    238
    Westcountry
    It's heartbreaking. It's like a constant grieving rollercoaster and each development is another kick in the gut.

    It sounds as though you've been fantastic support to your dad. You should feel proud that you've done everything you can for him and he's going somewhere to be looked after.

    Massive hugs, it's so hard.

    Chook
    x
     
  5. turmoil

    turmoil Registered User

    Feb 3, 2013
    241
    West Yorkshire
    Thank you, it is so sad and very hard, you are right. I have also found that they drop the carer asap, I have had my carers allowance stopped from the day he went into hospital, even though I spent 24 hrs in one day with him at the hospitals request, which I expected but I have been told I have to pay council tax on Dads house too. Hey dear! Never mind, the main thing is keeping Dad comfortable, I went today and he was complaining:) but warm and fed.
    Thank you again x
     
  6. Chook

    Chook Registered User

    Jun 14, 2013
    238
    Westcountry
    Tell me about it! Mum went into hospital and frankly I was so concerned about her dying I didn't call the benefit office for a month and they gave me a right telling off. I said I'll happily pay it back but I've been in the hospital every single day for the past month. Grrrr.

    Wishing you luck n love x
     
  7. turmoil

    turmoil Registered User

    Feb 3, 2013
    241
    West Yorkshire
     
  8. Chook

    Chook Registered User

    Jun 14, 2013
    238
    Westcountry
    I hope he settles okay and it's not to difficult for you to visit. I'm not sure what stage your dad is at but it took mum about 6 weeks to settle into her new home. She told me today she didn't want to go home because she likes having people around her. Music to my heart.

    Yeah, a nice carers christmas bonus would've been nice wouldn't it! :D

    x
     
  9. turmoil

    turmoil Registered User

    Feb 3, 2013
    241
    West Yorkshire
    Hi susy and thank you for your comment, trouble with Dad is he is not happy, but I will have peace of mind in time I'm sure, knowing he is being looked after.

    My Dad thinks he is ok, no cancer, dementia ect. A good way to be for him. :)

    It's strange though how the feeling of relief is not forthcoming to me. Maybe in time.

    Thank you x
     
  10. bemused1

    bemused1 Registered User

    Mar 4, 2012
    3,403
    Don't know how I missed this! Thank goodness he is finally safe, you have nothing to blame yourself for, lots would have walked away long ago.
    I hope you will find some peace in knowing that this really is the best option for your dad. Also that your life improves, it's not been good for a while.
     
  11. turmoil

    turmoil Registered User

    Feb 3, 2013
    241
    West Yorkshire
    Hi bemused1

    Thank you love, yes my life is a bit of a train wreck just now but at least it can only get better.

    On a plus Dad seems a bit more settled although he says he wants to go home eventually, white lies are coming in handy. He has forgotten about the surgery and cancer and believes he will recover:) I have started to feel the relief of knowing Dad is finally safe, it is a great, great feeling knowing he is warm and eating well, he has finally stopped drinking alcohol too:D.

    Hope your ok, finding it hard to keep up with TP as I am still so busy, But I do hope thing at your end are as good as they can be xx
     
  12. bemused1

    bemused1 Registered User

    Mar 4, 2012
    3,403
    Stopping alcohol was a big turning point for me as well. I am convinced that it slowed the rate of decline in oh. So glad you can at least have some peace of mind about your dad finally. And ignorance is bliss for him really.
    Quiet spell ATM so just keeping fingers crossed. Get on here when you can,it's good for others to know that you can overcome the system if you keep chipping away. Pat on the back that woman!
     

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