Update on Alan

[christine scott]

I think its another stage Alan is going through, My mum did a bit of wandering at night I dont know where she thought she was going but to her its all very real. She lived on her own then and didnt hear the phone sometime. I used to wonder what she was hearing when the phone was ringing in her ear that would cause me to have to go out to her 25 miles away.

I also find too that my mum gets very possesive if i talk to other residents in her home. Im here to see her.

I think its the way the dementia progresses.

Alan has very comfortable suroundings and your loving care.

Did he sit through mama mia. for a while I couldnt take my mum anywhere as where ever she was she wanted to be somewhere else that was so frustrating.

Ofcourse we care.

christine

 

[Helen33]

Dear Gigi, Dinner's at 1 p.m. you are most welcome, I always cook far too much

Dear Christine, Alan did sit all the way through Mamma Mia but I think it's one of those things that can't be planned - right day, right time My motto at the moment is "You never know til you try" because all the old rules have gone and often don't apply any more. I would have said that Alan wouldn't enjoy painting, or having sitters but he does I would have thought he wouldn't like being at the cinema because he isn't a cinema-goer generally anyway - but he did. I just give him the opportunity to try these things and if they are helpful so be it, and if not, we've tried.

Love

 

[Margarita]

I wonder (from my own experiences) if Alan feels safe when you are with him and feels threatened if you are working or concentrating on someone else? On hearing voices he knows that you are busy with someone else.

That’s a good point, because my mother feels less agitated when it’s just my mother and I in the same room all the time, me not doing anything just sitting.

When other people come in, mum gets more confuse, more restless agitated grumpy with me .

It is not possible to understand what Alan is saying but from the gist of it

With that happening, Alan must be at a stage that he cannot have the ability to articulate what he want , when he is talking to you. But to himself he is making sinse .

Everything was fine until about half an hour before the sitter had to go and I went into them and Alan had a very grumpy and angry face and I asked the sitter whether anything had happened.

As the sitter was in the room as the same time as you, so Alan may of just got Grumpy with you , because he is now finding it hard on to use his Concentration on two people at once.

Dear Tina, I can't take Alan to the shops anymore because he can't stand the people. The last time I took him was just after Christmas, I think, and he was really frightened - he even said he was frightened

That could be happening to Alan when you and the sitter are together in a room with him , his just frighten, because he can now only focus on one person at a time , with 2 people it can course your husband to be more confused , so that why you got that gummy reaction to you .

 

[sad nell]

sorry to but in on threads

thanks for your concern about trev, it helps so much to just voice my feelings.It is great that Alan has found his Hockney talents and that he gets pleasure from this, Trev used to be a fantastic artist painted full wall muriel which i still think exists at art college could sign write so beautifully but now cannot even hold a brush or now what it was for, this illness is just too cruel. Just realised i always end up talking about trev on other peoples posts , do not mean to . i really am not self obsessed, just Trevs AD seems to have taken me over,and i only know how to reply to posts not create a new one, told you i was not computer literate. Wish i could bring my mint sauce andjoin you for the lamb my favourite meat. nknow what you mean about being cosy with no outside pressures that is just how i feel today.but bet you feel more energised after walk love pam

 

[Margarita]

this illness is just too cruel. Just realised i always end up talking about trev on other peoples posts , do not mean to . i really am not self obsessed,

And you do not come across like that, its natural to want to talk about your husband. I am sure Helen everyone else on TP , think so also and does not mind at all . Just keep posting please don't feel anyway about it , that what TP is hear for .

 

[sad nell]

thanks

Thanks Magarita for your understanding and would have loved to have joined you new years eve you appeared so happy with your lovely daughter and you looked so young dam it. pam

 

[Margarita]

My mother never wore make – up in her life, just lip stick, only drank alcohol at Christmas, so those habit follow on to me, which I am sure has help my skin to keep looking young longer , but always a but since the age of 30 I have been smoking, took a liking to alcohol drinking in my 40s when my father pass away, but am contorting it , so drink in moderation . but not on New year night

 

[Helen33]

Dear Pam

It has never crossed my mind that you are self-obsessed but I have often wondered whether I come across as this on TP I suppose in some ways I am self-obsessed because it is about survival but we won't go there! I didn't even realise that you don't start your own threads and now that you have mentioned it I wonder whether it has something to do with you not feeling of value? Anyway, think about it Pam and if it remains more helpful to you to talk on other threads then that is fine but if you feel you would benefit from starting your own then that's fine too. I like to think of TP as a therapy group or perhaps a community centre would be more appropriate. In a group some people have no problem in speaking up about what they are going through and some people are more content in listening and quietly taking on board, or not, what is helpful to them. Other people are happy to make a comment once the subject has been started. Some people are happier in the tea room where it is less intense. The great thing about TP is that there is provision for everyone and can accommodate all different kinds of personality.

Personally, I love hearing about you and your Trev and I would have loved it if you could have popped in for lunch.

It is very sad when the things that have kept our spouses happy and motivated in the past disappear into the abyss. When I talk about Alan painting, I don't mean brilliant works of art but painting in canvases that already have a picture drawn on them or pictures from a colouring book. I will post some later. He is very precise and takes it very seriously and I am sure it relaxes him at the same time.

I must dash off now for that walk but I will log in later and reply to you Maggie. I am not being dismissive but Alan has come to me wanting to go.

Love

 

[Skye]

Pam, you don't come across as self-obsessed at all. We all write about our own experiences, and that's valuable as a comparison.

If you want to start a new thread of your own, look at the forum index. At the top left there is a blue button 'New Thread'.

If you click this, you will get a box just like the reply box. The only difference is, you have to give a title to your thread.

I look forward to seeing your thread.

Love,

 

[Sam Iam]

Helen, is Alan on any meds to thin his blood as at times Mum is very very cold and our home is to warm for us. ((((HUG))))
Pam ((((HUG))))

 

[Helen33]

Dear Sam

It's interesting that you should ask that because I was wondering about the 75 mg of aspirin that I have been giving him for a year now. Originally the GP thought Alan might be having mini strokes and I immediately put him on 75 mg of aspirin. He has no sign of stroke disease but I have still been giving him the tablet. I stopped it two days ago because I just wondered myself!!

Alan is not on any other medication.

Thanks for the hug.

 

[lesmisralbles]

Dear Pam

but he cannot tell me how he is feeling he just looks so sad and lost i wish i could make him smile, my singing does not even do that any longer and it is really awfull goodnight all Pam.

Ron always said my singing was devine, I wish that voice was mine I sounded like a wailing banshee but he laughed. Now, that does not work, no smile, no anything.

I understand, I understand XX
Barb X

 

[Helen33]

Back from a walk

We had a lovely lunch - far too much. The walk was actually really lovely and we all enjoyed it. Four adults, one child and two dogs. Alan is now not good with children and I had to keep him from being very stern with his great-granddaughter (9). I laughed a lot which was good for me. Alan has been quite smiley all day.

I am now wondering whether I have been particularly stressed and that Alan had reacted to that. I just don't know but I will definitely make some notes when I'm stressed and then I'll better be able to monitor whether Alan is distressed by my distress.

So it's goodnight from me and it's goodnight from him.

Love

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello Helen:

I like the idea of you having a day!!

Goodnight to you both.

Love Jan

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Helen

I`m glad you had some pleasure and relaxation on your walk, it sounds as if it`s done you the world of good.

We are all trying so hard to understand our individual experiences with dementia. I hope someone gets it right some day.

I hope you and Alan have a good night and wake refreshed and calm.

Love xx

 

[heartbroken]

I do care though I am late

Helen
as I said in my email I think you should speak to the gp and see if you can be refured to see a consultant, its such a shame you don't live over the boarder in derbyshire Ednas consultant is brillant.

hope you had a good sleep and Alan is less distressed, good point about Alan picking up on your mood, Edna always knew when I was worked up.

take care sendiong hugs