• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Update from donkey lyn

donkey

Registered User
Aug 16, 2009
1,225
0
sutton coldfield
thankyou

thankyou so much too each and every one of you it means so much too me to have you all there. just got back from visiting dave and in the space of hlf an hour he had typed shoot me twice, and kept putting his fingers too his head, he also keeps typing home ,unhappy over and over. all this in front of 19 year old daughter. i have to go tomorrow because meating speach and language there, they might have a new talking device for him.we are all traumatised by it all as so much has been hapening. its too long a post to get everything down, i just cant wait till thursday when i get on that plane. thankyou again you are always in my thoughts love lyn xx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,420
0
Kent
Dear Lyn

It`s so awful for you and your children to see Dave like this. I do hope he can be helped possibly while you are away and he will be calmer and have more peace of mind when you get home. xx.
 

Vonny

Registered User
Feb 3, 2009
4,577
0
Telford
Dear Lyn, so sorry to hear your news. Sending best wishes and the most positive vibes I can muster to you all.
Love n hugs
Vonny xxx
 

donkey

Registered User
Aug 16, 2009
1,225
0
sutton coldfield
thankyou for your kinds words, ive been up since 4 done the ironing and waterered the garden,i cant sleep and have palpitations all the time. when the end of respite comes what will happen , dave will have to come home and we all feel this will not be the right thing but dave still has the capacity to decide, he never remembered my birthday yesterday even though nicola had got him to do a card the day beforeand when reminded he ust looked at me blankly, im heartbroken and wish i could have the strength to just get on with careing for him at home but i feel constantly ill. i dont think im going to have a choice and feel so guilty not wanting too, my head is all over the place. my daughter keeps saying dad cant come home mom but i wont have a choice will i sorry for the ramble. im going to phone social worker this morning and ask what will happen she says dave needs 24/7 supervision so does the care home so what is the plan so i dont have to give up work, for the imeadiate future doctor will sign me off again xx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,420
0
Kent
Ask the social worker for help Lyn. It is obvious you cannot do this any more.

Even if Dave still has capacity you cannot be forced to care for him 24/7 at risk to your own health.

I know it will be a heartbreaking decision for you to make but if the Social Worker says Dave needs 24/7 care and supervision you should be helped to get it.
 

Vonny

Registered User
Feb 3, 2009
4,577
0
Telford
Dear Lyn,

If you're ill then how can they send Dave home? I do think this needs to be stressed to all involved, regardless of Dave's capacity to decide. It's indisputable that he needs 24/7 care and you cannot provide that especially in the state you're in. I think you are coping wonderfully in the circumstances but having palpitations wipes you out even when they cease.

I'm glad you have a sympathetic doctor who is signing you off, you're certainly in no fit state to work, but I can't see you getting better until Dave is being cared for in a good care home. My heart goes out to you Lyn, and I hope the authorities see sense and get this sorted for you.

Love n hugs xxx
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
0
SW Scotland
Dear Lyn

It sounds as if you are at breaking point, and it's so unfair that you have been pushed into this position.

There is no way that you should be having Dave home, or that you should be having to suffer this anguish, to the point of being ill yourself.

Can your GP not say you cannot cope? For goodness sake, if you are too ill to work, how can you cope with 24/7 caring?

I do hope someone comes up with some answers for you.

Who cares for the carers?:(

Love and hugs,
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
Dear Lyn,

Your Dave may have some capacity but clearly he does not have the capacity to know how distressing it is for others to constantly hear that one wants to die:eek: This factor alone would be tremendously distressing for anyone to have to cope with but in your case this is only one of the factors. I am sure that you have a really good case for the need to recover yourself.

I am so sorry that your Birthday went unnoticed but I hope that when you get away on that aeroplane that you will hear all TP singing you HAPPY BIRTHDAY:)

Sending love and wishing you strength to cope with whatever today holds for you.
 

donkey

Registered User
Aug 16, 2009
1,225
0
sutton coldfield
i phoned social services and asked what would be happening when dave finishes respite, i was told he has to come out of respite or i will get a huge bill. well i said that i cant cope as having a breakdown confirmed by docter and what should i do, at this point she could here how distressed i was and said what did i want to happen. i said we all felt that residential care would be in daves best interests and ours.even if we had carers all day it would not be suitable and unafordable. she keeps saying when the chc assessment is done it will make things so much easier, she said she would make phone calls and talk too her manager. she phoned back and left a message telling me the way forward is residential care but only with daves consent. while his illness has took away his communication and mobility and certainly his dignity he has capacity too say no. today he typed control of my life unhappy home. i had to be firm but not sure he takes anything in. whatever i feel he must feel a hundered times worse. so i can go away and not worry im going to take a month off work and do everything i can to help dave. im sure the carer at the home helped him to text me but the text read i love you have a nice holiday. i feel a tiny bit better also the social worker kept telling me she is listening to me and i no that everything has to go through her manager.. i have threatened him with my mp the newspapers and the ed dolan show after he insisted the social worker find dave somewhere cheaper for respite after he refused to let dave go to a special unit specifically for younger adults where dave has been before. im going to bed as up so early and will try and relax as i fly to crete tomorrow. children will be visiting dave so hopefully he will settle love lyn xxx
 

danny

Registered User
Sep 9, 2009
3,342
0
cornwall/real name is Angela
Hi Lyn, I hope you have a lovely break. Get lots of rest and sunshine. Put all thoughts about social workers out of your head until you get back, recharged and ready once more to brave all that is thrown at you.

Best wishes, Angela.
 

susiesue

Registered User
Mar 15, 2007
2,607
0
Herts
Sorry Lynne - late as usual as I only pop into TP every few days now.

Firstly, wanted to wish you a belated Happy Birthday..
Also just to let you know I am thinking of you and sending positive vibes together with lots of love and (((HUGS))).

Love