Update from Carabosse

[Carabosse]

Hello everyone. I haven't been on here for some time, yes I have dropped in now and again, but that's it. I doubt many of you will remember the post I had concerning my mum with AZ, me and some of the medical staff and a horrid social worker....My mum passed away in 2014 of heart problems with AZ as secondary cause, she had just gone a few minutes before I got there, I will never forgive myself for not being there, did she say anything, leave a message, anything? I will never know....I am nearly 6 years down the road and it still feels as though everything happened yesterday, its still that raw..I am more of a recluse than I was before...2 of the medical staff who couldn't care less have gone, one passed away, but that still doesn't help how I feel. I am seeing a psychiatrist, he's trying his best, but haven't achieved anything despite being on a heap of meds, he knows how I have been and how I am, I have told him a few times I wanted out (if you know what I mean?)…..
Anyway just thought I would give you an update on whats going on that's its not always rosy when a loved one passes away...

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Carabosse.

I`m so sorry you are still suffering so much following the loss of your mother.

.I am more of a recluse than I was before.

I can understand this need to be alone with your grief. Often the company of others who may have no understanding of your feelings and are only interested in trivia can make you feel even worse.

What I would ask you is how do you think your mother would feel if she knew how unhappy you are. What has been done cannot be undone and the only person who can help you is yourself.

Have you considered going to relaxation classes? I found Tai Chi and yoga helped me a lot after my husband died.

There is no need to socialise at these classes. There is little time for small talk nor is there need. You can go to the class, enjoy the relaxation and then go home. There is nothing to lose by trying. The pills are not working so perhaps some gentle relaxation with a group might.

I'm so pleased you decided to post an update. many will remember you.

 

[Carabosse]

Hello again...Tai Chi sounds a good idea, only I have a lower back problem so most classes like that are no good, I can do a few squats if you can call them that tried the plank couldn't help but laugh at my feeble attempt of them....
I am trying to tell myself there is life after passing on, not doing a good job at it, but I do try to think to myself 'what would mum think', I would think she is up there either to help me along, or wanting to put an arm round me and say everything will be ok...

 

[Grannie G]

I also have lower back problems @Carabosse and I have found Tai Chi and in particular Qigong, which is much easier to learn, are really beneficial

If you have a local adult education centre you can find out if anything is available. Failing that your local library is sure to have information.

Keep the spirit of your mum within you for support and comfort.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Hello everyone. I haven't been on here for some time, yes I have dropped in now and again, but that's it. I doubt many of you will remember the post I had concerning my mum with AZ, me and some of the medical staff and a horrid social worker....My mum passed away in 2014 of heart problems with AZ as secondary cause, she had just gone a few minutes before I got there, I will never forgive myself for not being there, did she say anything, leave a message, anything? I will never know....I am nearly 6 years down the road and it still feels as though everything happened yesterday, its still that raw..I am more of a recluse than I was before...2 of the medical staff who couldn't care less have gone, one passed away, but that still doesn't help how I feel. I am seeing a psychiatrist, he's trying his best, but haven't achieved anything despite being on a heap of meds, he knows how I have been and how I am, I have told him a few times I wanted out (if you know what I mean?)…..
Anyway just thought I would give you an update on whats going on that's its not always rosy when a loved one passes away...

Oh lovely, it’s not rosy it’s just that different people put a different perspective & have different emotions to deal with.

wanting the feeling of the hurt & grief to stop is natural, but wanting out .....
My lovely we all search for a greater meaning & struggling with grief is debilitating.

I truly hope that you find a happier place in your mind & heart soon. Life can seem hard to bare at times, but please try & find a piece of joy in everyday. I often find nature brings joy, a bird being cheeky etc

sending you love & light & the hope that you might contact cruse bereavement to talk to others who are more experienced than me
Xx

 

[SFrance1980]

Hello everyone. I haven't been on here for some time, yes I have dropped in now and again, but that's it. I doubt many of you will remember the post I had concerning my mum with AZ, me and some of the medical staff and a horrid social worker....My mum passed away in 2014 of heart problems with AZ as secondary cause, she had just gone a few minutes before I got there, I will never forgive myself for not being there, did she say anything, leave a message, anything? I will never know....I am nearly 6 years down the road and it still feels as though everything happened yesterday, its still that raw..I am more of a recluse than I was before...2 of the medical staff who couldn't care less have gone, one passed away, but that still doesn't help how I feel. I am seeing a psychiatrist, he's trying his best, but haven't achieved anything despite being on a heap of meds, he knows how I have been and how I am, I have told him a few times I wanted out (if you know what I mean?)…..
Anyway just thought I would give you an update on whats going on that's its not always rosy when a loved one passes away...

Hi, are you still an active member?

Thanks

 

[Alberta23]

Hi Carabosse, when a loved one was not properly supported by professionals, it can leave us feeling so much anger, guilt, desperation, regret....a huge mix of emotions.
My mum died from neglect from a bad care home. All professionals missed the signs. The social worker bluntly told me to be quiet and not say anything. Then mum died.
It knocks you sideways.
I am going to grief counselling. Its my space to offload. But there is art, craft, music , relaxation, meditation, physical etc therapies and activities that can all help. I even rang Samaritans at times, when i had noone else to talk to. Even late at night. They were lovely.
I couldnt take medication as i react badly to it, it makes me worse, so I prefer nature, fresh air, walking.
You sound like you need to talk through your grief though, as well as nurture your body and mind as well. So do a mixture if you can.
I did Thai Chi once. But i did it at home. So i could go at my pace. I have back problems. I found classes, although slow and fabulous, were actually too fast !!! If you get my drift. Swimming is great for all body relaxation.
I also found indian head massage great. My head and neck muscles tighten up too much with stress. Leaves me feeling lousy. This massage helps unknot everything. I also self massage which helps when I cant get to a therapist.
I understand how low you must feel. I understand you feeling you are closing away. After being so let down by people, you either want to hit out at the world or run away from it. We dont need to do either. Just learn to be kind to ourselves, hug ourselves, hug our loved ones, remember them kindly, chat to them, share good memories.
Write poetry is good to express grief. Drawing abstract pictures etc is all good. Or bashing a drum loudly. Find what works for you though. Think about Chatting to your doctor and asking him/her to refer you to counselling. We are human and we all need to talk through feelings sometimes.
Or just keep coming back here and say how you feel. There is always someone around to care. X

 

[Kevinl]

Hi, are you still an active member?

Thanks

Last seen June 2020 but that only means last activitvy. K

 

[Alberta23]

Always worth touching base just incase. Id only just seen the post so wanted to reply.