Update and hoping for advice

Aloysius

Registered User
Aug 19, 2014
28
0
Folkestone
Hello, it's a while since I've been on TP. To cut a long story short, my mum has vascular dementia and she was living in semi-sheltered accommodation 150 miles away from me, her only child, until January. She had not really coped with independent living for two years though the deterioration was, like so often,insidious. After a very difficult Christmas (Mum had very upsetting delusions, a UTI and I had bronchitis) I managed to get her into respite but it was/is in the same city as her flat and she's still that long distance away.

The respite was made permanent after a Best Interests meeting and at first I felt mostly enormous relief as she was no longer at risk. Now, however, it's not so good. I work full time as a teacher and can't get there every weekend. On the phone, Mum is quite incoherent a lot of the time and muddled and she says how unhappy she is, she needs me etc. Today she asked if she had a home 'when I get out of here.' Her flat has, of course, had to be returned to the Housing Association.
Mum is not self-funding. Where she is is very reasonable (if homely) and the council are funding what her pension doesn't cover. How would I go about moving her nearer? She has a monthly income of about £1.4k all told but that's no way enough for most care, is it? Who do I approach about moving Mum? Is it a case of finding somewhere first or finding out how much funding she can have ? I feel upset about her being so far away (although it's still MUCH preferable to her being still in the flat)
I know there is such a thing as top-up fees although I'm 56, single and have no home of my own! Not good :confused:

Anyway,as usual, it's so nice to have somewhere to get the worries off my chest...

Aloysius x
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
12,179
0
London
Sorry I can help much with the financial questions, but have you asked the staff how she is when you're not around? Sometimes wishes to go home only get triggered in the presence of relatives.

She might be just as unhappy in another care home closer to you. You'd have uprooted her from what sounds like a lovely and completely funded place just so you might feel less guilty. But will the guilt lessen, or will you feel even more duty-bound to visit all the time because she now lives nearer?
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,050
0
GLASGOW
The alzheimers society helpline may be a good starting point. They can advise on finances.

As for your mum wanting to go home thats normal. Time for love lies. Tell her she can go back to her flat when the doctor says she is better. Its hard but will keep her more contented.

I live 5 minutes drive from my mums care home and still worry. It sjust part of being a carer. I hope you find a solution that works.
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
6,050
0
Salford
It's not something I've ever done personally. but as I understand it the LA where she is currently living will have to reimburse the new authority for her care, so all you need to do is find a new home and tell them that you want to move her.
It might be better if you contact her social worker or the care team where she is and tell them first out of politeness and it helps to have them on-side then ask them what funding she is currently getting so you know what the budget is currently.
If the LA are currently paying £750 a week (for example) that's all they will have to continue paying, so if the new home you choose is £1k a week then someone would have to top up the extra £250 difference.
Generally it's said care in the north is cheaper than in the south so if the 150 miles is Stoke on Trent to London I guess a top up situation would be likely, however, if the move was the other way round then a top up is less likely to come into play.
I've put a link t the factsheet about choosing a new home and you can go on the CQC website and read their review of any home you're interested in.
If you put in the area you're thinking about moving to you may get some recommendations (or warnings) from the people on here.
K

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=150