Background, a year ago sibling accused me via email of siphoning off Dads money and manipulating our parents into gaining POA. Called me a selfish so and so etc etc. not heard from that sibling since. I work full time, live with dad in his house (my home) and spend my non work time caring for him. I spend dads money on carers that look after him when I'm at work, making the house safe for him, clothes food etc. dad has mixed dementia.
3 days ago I got message from number I didn't recognise asking to take dad on holiday. I thought it was some silly joke and posted on TP looking for advice. I wanted to run and hide. Now I feel like a shabby, horrid individual. I didn't deal with the message in time. I procrastinated and eldest sibling arrived, unannounced with partner in toe. I had a very negative physical reaction. Felt panicked and nauseated. Ridiculous I know. Tried my hardest to be cool and calm but failed miserably.
I let them in. I told them if only I had known they were coming I would have something ready. Sibling said the visit was 'spur of the moment'. Sibling lives over an hour away. That alone wound me up. How I miss spontaneity! Sibling wanted to know about taking dad on holiday as I hadn't replied. (Message was 3 days previously) I told sibling that I would have responded in my own time and that the idea was basically rather naive given dad the progression.
The partner sat beside dad and started the Spanish Inquisition. I took a deep breath and asked, given the diagnosis had they not heard about good communication strategies. Partner shouted at me ( in my own home) and accused me of being very rude and causing an atmosphere you could cut with a knife. Sibling just sat and said nothing. I simply replied that they were being rather inappropriate speaking in such tones in front of dad. I then left the room to calm down. 10 mins later they left. As they were going I calmly advised partner that they had been absent from my life for over a year and I didn't appreciate being accused of being rude and shouted at in my own home in front of dad. Partner turned away, sibling told me that I was rude so I told him in no uncertain terms of thirreparably damage done to any relationship they could ever have with me. That felt so good. They then walked off into the sunset and I went back to caring for dad. Needless to say it ruined my emotional equilibrium. I haven't cried though.
Any thoughts greatly appreciated as always x
3 days ago I got message from number I didn't recognise asking to take dad on holiday. I thought it was some silly joke and posted on TP looking for advice. I wanted to run and hide. Now I feel like a shabby, horrid individual. I didn't deal with the message in time. I procrastinated and eldest sibling arrived, unannounced with partner in toe. I had a very negative physical reaction. Felt panicked and nauseated. Ridiculous I know. Tried my hardest to be cool and calm but failed miserably.
I let them in. I told them if only I had known they were coming I would have something ready. Sibling said the visit was 'spur of the moment'. Sibling lives over an hour away. That alone wound me up. How I miss spontaneity! Sibling wanted to know about taking dad on holiday as I hadn't replied. (Message was 3 days previously) I told sibling that I would have responded in my own time and that the idea was basically rather naive given dad the progression.
The partner sat beside dad and started the Spanish Inquisition. I took a deep breath and asked, given the diagnosis had they not heard about good communication strategies. Partner shouted at me ( in my own home) and accused me of being very rude and causing an atmosphere you could cut with a knife. Sibling just sat and said nothing. I simply replied that they were being rather inappropriate speaking in such tones in front of dad. I then left the room to calm down. 10 mins later they left. As they were going I calmly advised partner that they had been absent from my life for over a year and I didn't appreciate being accused of being rude and shouted at in my own home in front of dad. Partner turned away, sibling told me that I was rude so I told him in no uncertain terms of thirreparably damage done to any relationship they could ever have with me. That felt so good. They then walked off into the sunset and I went back to caring for dad. Needless to say it ruined my emotional equilibrium. I haven't cried though.
Any thoughts greatly appreciated as always x