so i haven’t seen mum since christmas day. my mental health still isn’t good.
but her birthday is coming up, and i’m giving anxiety nightmares about her acting out with her alzheimer’s and scaring me, threatening others, frustrating me and just being unmanageable...
i think the nightmares are because i’m feeling i should visit the nursing home and see her.
in my head it’s a massive dread to see her. logically i think “ just go, get it done, it’ll all be over” but i know in reality that each visit haunts me. plus there’ll be seeing her new room and dealing with any thing lost or broken or unresolved... and i’ll be right back in the middle of this nursing home world that i can’t manage, i can barely manage my own world, my own head.
but her birthday is coming up, and i’m giving anxiety nightmares about her acting out with her alzheimer’s and scaring me, threatening others, frustrating me and just being unmanageable...
i think the nightmares are because i’m feeling i should visit the nursing home and see her.
in my head it’s a massive dread to see her. logically i think “ just go, get it done, it’ll all be over” but i know in reality that each visit haunts me. plus there’ll be seeing her new room and dealing with any thing lost or broken or unresolved... and i’ll be right back in the middle of this nursing home world that i can’t manage, i can barely manage my own world, my own head.