Up all night looking for wife

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Last night and the night before l have been up trying to convince my husband that l am his wife, usually it is day time that he doesn't know me, now it has changed, he goes to bed at 7pm wakes at 2am looking for his wife, l hope this is just a new phase anyone there to help me deal with this situation ♡♡♡
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,008
Scotland
My heart goes out to you. It is difficult enough to deal with such issues in daytime but during the night when you are mentally and physically exhausted it is too much to bear.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,371
Kent
Hello pamann

I can only sympathise. It used to take me all my time to persuade my husband to wait till `tomorrow `to go looking. When `tomorrow` came the episode was over ......till the next time.

It`s a physically and emotionally exhausting stage in the dementia. I can only hope it doesn’t last too long for you.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,558
Ireland
Echoing Grannie G. In the night, you won't persuade him. Try an appropriate variation on "she's away at her sister's right now. She'll be back soon. I'm just here in case you needed anything while she's out." route.

Or does he recognise your voice, but not your appearance? William recognised me better if I spoke to him from another room first, and kept talking as I came in to him.
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Thank you for your kindness,, l do tell him she has gone away for a few days and will be back soon, it does work daytime, he then forgets about it, but nothing works at night hope tonight will be better, wish he didn't go to bed so early, he told me to go to bed last night before this other person pushes me out, he is so confused, ♡♡♡
 

Grey Lad

Registered User
Sep 12, 2014
5,736
North East Lincs
Thank you for your kindness,, l do tell him she has gone away for a few days and will be back soon, it does work daytime, he then forgets about it, but nothing works at night hope tonight will be better, wish he didn't go to bed so early, he told me to go to bed last night before this other person pushes me out, he is so confused, ♡♡♡
How dreadful this condition is and so distressing for us all. At the moment I only get occasional challenges to my status but Maureen is always packing to go home. Hope you find something that helps soon.
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Thank you grey lad nightime is always the worse time, l can only hope tonight he will forget about looking for his wife.♡♡♡
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,962
Brixham Devon
Thank you grey lad nightime is always the worse time, l can only hope tonight he will forget about looking for his wife.♡♡♡
Hi Pamann

Sympathy from me also. I know this isn't a particularly popular route to take but could you ask your OH's CPN or GP for some meds for your OH to take at night? It can work even in the short term. Just a suggestion.

Love

Lyn T
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Bless you Lyn with all your very sad time you are helping me l do appreciate your post, we will be going to the memory clinic in two weeks time, for 6mths check up, my hubby is taking Aricept maybe it is not working so well. Today has been good although he talks to me about his wife praising me, how kind l am looking after him, but he thinks l am someone else, still hard to listen to him taking about me. I am sure you understand how l feel. Its not going to get any better l know that. Thank you will tell our Dr maybe he will change his medication. ♡♡♡
 

pony-mad

Registered User
May 23, 2014
1,073
Mid-Wales
Dear Pamann, I am having similar problems Usually first thing in the morning. He looks at me and asks"Do I know you?" He thinks I'm a man and will often refer to the men that I leave him with in the morning. As LadyA says, he recognises my voice not my face. He said this morning, "Have you got a sister cos you sound like my wife but you look different!
It is such a bizarre and tragic disease.
Thank goodness for this sight as other people's experiences are invaluable in preparing you for what's to come!!!
Take care
G x


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

esmeralda

Registered User
Nov 27, 2014
3,072
Devon
So sorry you're having such a difficult time Pamman, this hasn't happened to me (yet) but who knows? It's a very lonely feeling to be dealing with such difficulties in the middle of the night. Lots of people thinking about you and wishing you the best for a better night, thank goodness we have TP.
Es
x
 

WIFE

Registered User
May 23, 2014
856
WEST SUSSEX
Oh how I remember the sadness of "not being known" but recognised as a familiar face if that makes sense. My boy used to say "I have a wife but she doesn't visit me anymore". Broke my heart over and over but it was just the dreadful illness so I just agreed with him, tried to make light of the moment and told him that I had come instead to visit him.