Up all night looking for wife

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by pamann, Jan 17, 2015.

  1. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Last night and the night before l have been up trying to convince my husband that l am his wife, usually it is day time that he doesn't know me, now it has changed, he goes to bed at 7pm wakes at 2am looking for his wife, l hope this is just a new phase anyone there to help me deal with this situation ♡♡♡
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,908
    Female
    Scotland
    My heart goes out to you. It is difficult enough to deal with such issues in daytime but during the night when you are mentally and physically exhausted it is too much to bear.
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,896
    Kent
    Hello pamann

    I can only sympathise. It used to take me all my time to persuade my husband to wait till `tomorrow `to go looking. When `tomorrow` came the episode was over ......till the next time.

    It`s a physically and emotionally exhausting stage in the dementia. I can only hope it doesn’t last too long for you.
     
  4. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,543
    Ireland
    Echoing Grannie G. In the night, you won't persuade him. Try an appropriate variation on "she's away at her sister's right now. She'll be back soon. I'm just here in case you needed anything while she's out." route.

    Or does he recognise your voice, but not your appearance? William recognised me better if I spoke to him from another room first, and kept talking as I came in to him.
     
  5. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Thank you for your kindness,, l do tell him she has gone away for a few days and will be back soon, it does work daytime, he then forgets about it, but nothing works at night hope tonight will be better, wish he didn't go to bed so early, he told me to go to bed last night before this other person pushes me out, he is so confused, ♡♡♡
     
  6. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,736
    North East Lincs
    How dreadful this condition is and so distressing for us all. At the moment I only get occasional challenges to my status but Maureen is always packing to go home. Hope you find something that helps soon.
     
  7. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Thank you grey lad nightime is always the worse time, l can only hope tonight he will forget about looking for his wife.♡♡♡
     
  8. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    Hi Pamann

    Sympathy from me also. I know this isn't a particularly popular route to take but could you ask your OH's CPN or GP for some meds for your OH to take at night? It can work even in the short term. Just a suggestion.

    Love

    Lyn T
     
  9. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Bless you Lyn with all your very sad time you are helping me l do appreciate your post, we will be going to the memory clinic in two weeks time, for 6mths check up, my hubby is taking Aricept maybe it is not working so well. Today has been good although he talks to me about his wife praising me, how kind l am looking after him, but he thinks l am someone else, still hard to listen to him taking about me. I am sure you understand how l feel. Its not going to get any better l know that. Thank you will tell our Dr maybe he will change his medication. ♡♡♡
     
  10. pony-mad

    pony-mad Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    1,073
    Mid-Wales
    Dear Pamann, I am having similar problems Usually first thing in the morning. He looks at me and asks"Do I know you?" He thinks I'm a man and will often refer to the men that I leave him with in the morning. As LadyA says, he recognises my voice not my face. He said this morning, "Have you got a sister cos you sound like my wife but you look different!
    It is such a bizarre and tragic disease.
    Thank goodness for this sight as other people's experiences are invaluable in preparing you for what's to come!!!
    Take care
    G x


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  11. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    So sorry you're having such a difficult time Pamman, this hasn't happened to me (yet) but who knows? It's a very lonely feeling to be dealing with such difficulties in the middle of the night. Lots of people thinking about you and wishing you the best for a better night, thank goodness we have TP.
    Es
    x
     
  12. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    856
    WEST SUSSEX
    Oh how I remember the sadness of "not being known" but recognised as a familiar face if that makes sense. My boy used to say "I have a wife but she doesn't visit me anymore". Broke my heart over and over but it was just the dreadful illness so I just agreed with him, tried to make light of the moment and told him that I had come instead to visit him.
     

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