Hi all
I've had to make a decision for my uncle and am unsure if I've made the right one!
Uncle went into respite care for two weeks over Easter, when I went to collect him last Wednesday and asked how he had got on the carer said he was a wonderful man and that they would miss him and that he had made a special lady friend who had been on respite as well, they had been inseparable and had sat together, eaten together and done walks around the home and gardens holding hands, she even said that the lady had been back to see uncle once her respite was over. On the way home I asked uncle the normal questions, when I asked him if he had made any friends he said no because they were all funny in the head! ( his words exactly) when we got home although he didn't recognise us he did recognise home instantly, sat in his chair, looked in his drawer and got out his colouring book and pencils, even went directly to the toilet without getting lost.
Thursday, Friday and Saturday were all fine and he even started calling me by my name so I felt the respite had been a success!.
On Sunday he came out of his bedroom with one of his photos, previously his favourite, of himself and his wife at their 50th wedding anniversary party, and really shocked me by asking who the people in the picture were? When I told him he look surprised and then asked if the women in the picture was his wife! It made me realise that maybe he had deteriorated more than I had realised.
He didn't speak much for the rest of the day, but by Monday was fine again, so life plodded on.
Yesterday my son took a phone call from one of the carers at the respite home, saying she had Mary there and Mary wanted to speak to uncle, son handed phone to uncle and he sat saying yes, yes, yes, at least 10 times and then said I'm (full name) at this point he handed me the phone looking very confused, when I said hello, I had a very muddle old lady asking where Uncle lived, she then said it's not him! And handed the phone back to the carer.
The carer explained that this was the lady that had been with uncle on respite and that she had been walking to the home daily asking to see him, so she thought she would ring to arrange for them to meet, she said they could meet at the home, if I was prepared to take uncle over, telling me that uncle and Mary had been inseparable and on the day Mary left they had both cried and told each other they loved each other, and that she had found uncle an hour later sobbing on his bed and that it had taken him a day or so to get over her leaving.
I agreed to a time and put the phone down.
Then my brain went into overdrive! Uncle asked who that was, I said a friend he had made and he said he didn't remember her.
I've done nothing but think about this since! Why did the home do this! Surly after caring for him for two weeks they realised how far down the dementia road he is! All that kept ringing through my head was what the carer had told me about how distressed he had been when Mary had left!
I have rung the home this morning and told them I wouldn't be taking uncle to meet Mary as I didn't want him to be upset again, but now wonder if I should Have let him go! I just don't know if I've made the right decision!
Sorry for the long rambling post I know I have to make choices for him on the basis of if it's in his best interest and I just don't know if I have
Thank you xx
I've had to make a decision for my uncle and am unsure if I've made the right one!
Uncle went into respite care for two weeks over Easter, when I went to collect him last Wednesday and asked how he had got on the carer said he was a wonderful man and that they would miss him and that he had made a special lady friend who had been on respite as well, they had been inseparable and had sat together, eaten together and done walks around the home and gardens holding hands, she even said that the lady had been back to see uncle once her respite was over. On the way home I asked uncle the normal questions, when I asked him if he had made any friends he said no because they were all funny in the head! ( his words exactly) when we got home although he didn't recognise us he did recognise home instantly, sat in his chair, looked in his drawer and got out his colouring book and pencils, even went directly to the toilet without getting lost.
Thursday, Friday and Saturday were all fine and he even started calling me by my name so I felt the respite had been a success!.
On Sunday he came out of his bedroom with one of his photos, previously his favourite, of himself and his wife at their 50th wedding anniversary party, and really shocked me by asking who the people in the picture were? When I told him he look surprised and then asked if the women in the picture was his wife! It made me realise that maybe he had deteriorated more than I had realised.
He didn't speak much for the rest of the day, but by Monday was fine again, so life plodded on.
Yesterday my son took a phone call from one of the carers at the respite home, saying she had Mary there and Mary wanted to speak to uncle, son handed phone to uncle and he sat saying yes, yes, yes, at least 10 times and then said I'm (full name) at this point he handed me the phone looking very confused, when I said hello, I had a very muddle old lady asking where Uncle lived, she then said it's not him! And handed the phone back to the carer.
The carer explained that this was the lady that had been with uncle on respite and that she had been walking to the home daily asking to see him, so she thought she would ring to arrange for them to meet, she said they could meet at the home, if I was prepared to take uncle over, telling me that uncle and Mary had been inseparable and on the day Mary left they had both cried and told each other they loved each other, and that she had found uncle an hour later sobbing on his bed and that it had taken him a day or so to get over her leaving.
I agreed to a time and put the phone down.
Then my brain went into overdrive! Uncle asked who that was, I said a friend he had made and he said he didn't remember her.
I've done nothing but think about this since! Why did the home do this! Surly after caring for him for two weeks they realised how far down the dementia road he is! All that kept ringing through my head was what the carer had told me about how distressed he had been when Mary had left!
I have rung the home this morning and told them I wouldn't be taking uncle to meet Mary as I didn't want him to be upset again, but now wonder if I should Have let him go! I just don't know if I've made the right decision!
Sorry for the long rambling post I know I have to make choices for him on the basis of if it's in his best interest and I just don't know if I have
Thank you xx
