hi
@Jordrecr
I've been thinking of the practicalities
I was wondering how your dad was saying this to you when you don't live near - but on another thread you say that he has phoned you every weekend - does he have his own mobile? in which case ask one of the staff to take it when he's not looking and disable it, they can say to him, if he notices, that they can't get a new part but they'll keep looking, or you do the same on your next visit - if he's using the home phone, ask the staff to tell him that they are waiting for an emergency call or say there's a new rule - in other words anything to stop him calling you
then If you want to speak to him, you call and only for a few minutes - or only call the staff for an update on how he is
sounds harsh, but he has moved into the home so he can be looked after and kept as calm as possible, so let the staff do this for him - also so that you can take less of the strain and begin to settle your own life, which you have every right to do
your dad is actually likely to settle more if he has no outlet for these outbursts - and to be blunt, you don't need to hear them
if he's anything like my dad, once he starts he will just wind himself up, and he definitely does if anyone tries to speak with him - so the staff used to watch for when dad was getting anxious and then take him to a quiet place, usually his own room, play some soothing music, and leave him to calm down with no disturbances around him
when you visit, don't let him start on - take in a treat as a distraction and if necessary need the loo to get you out of his presence, and cut the visit short if he goes on - you won't be able to explain or discuss rationally, so don't try
as to your brother - he won't change - so I doubt he's contacting your dad much at all - if your dad has no mobile that will become harder to do