1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. kingybell

    kingybell Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    Despite my positivity in previous posts I have to admit I'm a fraud. I'm really struggling to help my mil.
    Last night was really the last straw. My daughter and teenage nephew were round at my mil playing games as they quite often do. My mum in law fell really badly on a metal bed frame and as a result has hurt her back.
    My husband and I arrived just after this and my husbands brother turned up at the same time to collect our kids.
    Mil was screaming ( as she often does when hurt). My bil gave her some painkillers and left saying we've got to get home. My husband then said the same but I thought we should take her somewhere to get checked out.

    I have a full time job (working away) and a 5 yr old to look after. I didn't want to leave her but my husband said she's being dramatic. I felt so guilty so I phoned her sister to see if she could sit with her, which thankfully they did.

    I can't believe how selfish my husband and his brother are and they don't fully understand the situation.
    I've phoned her this morning and she's still in pain but in working 100 miles away.
    She thinks she hurt her back gardening and doesn't remember the fall.
    Not looking for advice just ranting and wanted to offer some reality to my previous rosy postings. Arrrgggh!
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    You have done all you can and her sons will need to step up to the plate in helping or arranging help. Solving all issues with this illness is mostly just not possible.
  3. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    I do feel for you...must have been upsetting to see that lack of concern and understanding. Sorry, no solutions, and I know you're not asking for any, but sorry you feel disappointed and helpless. I hope MIL's back is not seriously damaged, hopefully it will only be bruised and jarred.
  4. DivingDavey

    DivingDavey Registered User

    Feb 18, 2015
    Sorry to read about your situation. It sounds to me as though your husband and his brother don't know how lucky they are to have a wife (and sister in law) as caring as you.
  5. SarahL

    SarahL Registered User

    Dec 1, 2012
    Sorry to hear about your mil and hope her back is ok. My Mum, who is now in a home, bless her, kept telling me she'd hurt her knee and despite support bandages and physiotherapy, on some days it was absolutely fine and others she'd say it was terrible and limp everywhere. I don't want to minimise your mil's hurt back and maybe she should see her GP, but ailments did seem to come and go with my Mum's Alzheimer's. :(
  6. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    My father was complaining of pain last week. His friends and I noticed the grimacing and exclamations happened whenever we talked among ourselves and he wasn't the centre of attention. A nurse came round (he's in hospital) and asked if he was in pain and needed a Panadol. 'I will be later,' he said. I regard him now as being like a toddler - since dementia, everything is exaggerated for maximum attention-getting - and the nurses have noticed this coincides with my visits.
    I'd give yourself some time off from worry, or feeling responsible, or feeling angry at her sons. God knows, you'll get enough without stepping up to the plate, as it were.
  7. sleepingplum

    sleepingplum Registered User

    Mar 1, 2015
    I am so sorry to hear this but it sounds all too familiar I look after my Fil have also got a little boy of 7 I do not work as I am not in the best of health so am here all day like you I feel that I am the one doing all the worrying and caring and I know my husband works but it is his father at the end of the day I think you are a rare breed and give yourself an enormous pat on the back perhaps they don't want to see the reality and seriousness of this I just wanted you to know you to know you are definitely not on your own and like you I always behave like everything is rosey and sometimes we just need a let off of steam

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