Hi, I haven't got used to the Thread business. Hope I am doing this right.
We've gone through all he preliminaries and assessments, Mum's AZ appeared almost overnight though perhaps cos we weren't aware of it, but she was found wandering out at night which we now realise had been happening for some time, coupled with total disorientation about day/night (ringing friends at 3 a.m. for example). 6 weeks in an assessment unit and the psychiatrist said she could not live alone, needed 24-hour surveillance, but didn't need a specialist unit. She's now been 8 weeks in a care home, and though it isn't perfect (none is), we are fairly happy. Staff are nice, jolly, caring, there are some activities (we'd like more), and despite mum's initial hatred of the place, she is now "settled".
I say "settled" cos two weeks ago she told me she was thinking of applying for a council bungalow, last week she was thinking of looking for lodgings, and this week she and another (totally incompatible) resident are going to get somewhere together.
Mum has no idea she has AZ, and I don't think she would understand what it was, as she has never known anyone with it. Her sister in law had it, but mum hardly ever met her, and has forgotten the meetings anyway. She simply doesn't understand why she needs to be in a home, wants her own place that she can clean and do her own cooking etc. She has no hobbies or interests others than housework, so being in the home is very limiting to her. That said, she is not agressive about it, is very accepting when I tell her she needs to be there.
I have been thinking of taking her to visit her old friends (her Home is not in her home town, but not too far away), or to her old church, or to my house for a cup of tea as she used to do, but on Thursday I had an odd experience with her.
I took her for a new hearing aid. The journey from the Home to hearing aid centre was about 25 miles, and took us an hour. That upset her, cos she was constantly asking "how much further is it?", but she didn't recognise any of the towns we passed through even though she has been through them many times in the past. Until we passed the hospital where my dad was treated for cancer before he died in 2004. And she said "I'm not going to the hospital am I?". "No mum, a bit further on to the Hearing Centre". Okay. We get the hearing aid, and return home. Just as we are passing the hospital again, she says "It isn't far off lunch time, I'm not sure what to do about it". "What do you mean?" I ask. "Well, where shall I go for lunch, I suppose I'll have to go home". I said "Where do you mean?" and she said "Home, to New Mills, where I used to live" (she must have recognised that the road we were on led there), and in the next breath "Oh, I don't suppose I can, someone else lives there now" (the house is up for sale, completion any day). I said "No mum, you don't live there any more, you live at the Pavilion Home" "Oh, will they let me back into the Hotel to have lunch?" "Yes mum, they will let you do anything you want. It isn't a hotel, it is where you live now, you pay to live there, you can ask them for anything". "Oh".
We carried on, another half hour. We arrived at the Pavilion. The care staff happened to all be in the hallway, and they all came to greet Mum. I said "you have a new resident - one who can how hear!" and Janice came to ask mum how she was. "Oh, I'm alright" said mum "but I'm just worried about where I'm going to have my lunch, can I stay and have it here?". Janice, being an extrovert, put her arms round my mum, gave her a big hug and said "you can have your lunch here every day", and another care worker said "let's take you upstairs and put your coat in your room". "Oh", said mum "Do I still have a room here, oh, thats a relief, I didn't know where I would go".
It was as if the time away from the home (about 2.5 hours in total) had caused her to think she had left it, or perhaps it was passing the hospital where dad was treated that caused her to remember that we used to go there and then go back to her home. I don't know. But I was just surprised at her obvious concern that she now had "nowhere to go". She's obviously upset at having to have the house sold, that she had lived in for 50 years. If she was the sort of woman to cry (and I've never seen more than a damp eye in all my life), she could have sobbed about it. I am so proud of her for not doing so. But I was upset by the fact that she thought she had nowhere to go.
Has anyone experienced this? I'd like to hear from you.
But my ideas about taking he to her old dentist, her old church, or even to my house for a cup of tea, seem now to be a bit "dangerous". What do people think?
I am now worrying about Christmas. Mum and Dad (and indeed hubby's mum and dad when alive" always came to us for Christmas lunch. I assumed mum would come this year. I hope our daughters will come (probably their last time as they both have long-term partners and things change), and thought Mum would love it. But is it wise to take her out of the Care Home and put her back in a situation that she remembers from the past? Will it cause problems in settling her back in the Care Home afterwards? Should we keep the visit very short - just in time for Christmas Dinner and then back again asap? I know it's months off yet, but I am just worried.
Any help gratefully received.
Margaret
We've gone through all he preliminaries and assessments, Mum's AZ appeared almost overnight though perhaps cos we weren't aware of it, but she was found wandering out at night which we now realise had been happening for some time, coupled with total disorientation about day/night (ringing friends at 3 a.m. for example). 6 weeks in an assessment unit and the psychiatrist said she could not live alone, needed 24-hour surveillance, but didn't need a specialist unit. She's now been 8 weeks in a care home, and though it isn't perfect (none is), we are fairly happy. Staff are nice, jolly, caring, there are some activities (we'd like more), and despite mum's initial hatred of the place, she is now "settled".
I say "settled" cos two weeks ago she told me she was thinking of applying for a council bungalow, last week she was thinking of looking for lodgings, and this week she and another (totally incompatible) resident are going to get somewhere together.
Mum has no idea she has AZ, and I don't think she would understand what it was, as she has never known anyone with it. Her sister in law had it, but mum hardly ever met her, and has forgotten the meetings anyway. She simply doesn't understand why she needs to be in a home, wants her own place that she can clean and do her own cooking etc. She has no hobbies or interests others than housework, so being in the home is very limiting to her. That said, she is not agressive about it, is very accepting when I tell her she needs to be there.
I have been thinking of taking her to visit her old friends (her Home is not in her home town, but not too far away), or to her old church, or to my house for a cup of tea as she used to do, but on Thursday I had an odd experience with her.
I took her for a new hearing aid. The journey from the Home to hearing aid centre was about 25 miles, and took us an hour. That upset her, cos she was constantly asking "how much further is it?", but she didn't recognise any of the towns we passed through even though she has been through them many times in the past. Until we passed the hospital where my dad was treated for cancer before he died in 2004. And she said "I'm not going to the hospital am I?". "No mum, a bit further on to the Hearing Centre". Okay. We get the hearing aid, and return home. Just as we are passing the hospital again, she says "It isn't far off lunch time, I'm not sure what to do about it". "What do you mean?" I ask. "Well, where shall I go for lunch, I suppose I'll have to go home". I said "Where do you mean?" and she said "Home, to New Mills, where I used to live" (she must have recognised that the road we were on led there), and in the next breath "Oh, I don't suppose I can, someone else lives there now" (the house is up for sale, completion any day). I said "No mum, you don't live there any more, you live at the Pavilion Home" "Oh, will they let me back into the Hotel to have lunch?" "Yes mum, they will let you do anything you want. It isn't a hotel, it is where you live now, you pay to live there, you can ask them for anything". "Oh".
We carried on, another half hour. We arrived at the Pavilion. The care staff happened to all be in the hallway, and they all came to greet Mum. I said "you have a new resident - one who can how hear!" and Janice came to ask mum how she was. "Oh, I'm alright" said mum "but I'm just worried about where I'm going to have my lunch, can I stay and have it here?". Janice, being an extrovert, put her arms round my mum, gave her a big hug and said "you can have your lunch here every day", and another care worker said "let's take you upstairs and put your coat in your room". "Oh", said mum "Do I still have a room here, oh, thats a relief, I didn't know where I would go".
It was as if the time away from the home (about 2.5 hours in total) had caused her to think she had left it, or perhaps it was passing the hospital where dad was treated that caused her to remember that we used to go there and then go back to her home. I don't know. But I was just surprised at her obvious concern that she now had "nowhere to go". She's obviously upset at having to have the house sold, that she had lived in for 50 years. If she was the sort of woman to cry (and I've never seen more than a damp eye in all my life), she could have sobbed about it. I am so proud of her for not doing so. But I was upset by the fact that she thought she had nowhere to go.
Has anyone experienced this? I'd like to hear from you.
But my ideas about taking he to her old dentist, her old church, or even to my house for a cup of tea, seem now to be a bit "dangerous". What do people think?
I am now worrying about Christmas. Mum and Dad (and indeed hubby's mum and dad when alive" always came to us for Christmas lunch. I assumed mum would come this year. I hope our daughters will come (probably their last time as they both have long-term partners and things change), and thought Mum would love it. But is it wise to take her out of the Care Home and put her back in a situation that she remembers from the past? Will it cause problems in settling her back in the Care Home afterwards? Should we keep the visit very short - just in time for Christmas Dinner and then back again asap? I know it's months off yet, but I am just worried.
Any help gratefully received.
Margaret
