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Unhappy with Care Home


Registered User
Apr 22, 2018
My husband went into a care home in August and I visit him every other day and take him out for a walk. I have come to the conclusion that he is not being showered regularly, his hair is always greasy and he is not shaved properly. I also don’t think he is made to brush his teeth as he is still on same toothpaste tube he had when entering the home mid August. Yesterday his shaver was on charge and I checked if it was clean - it was full of hair and I had to run it under the tap.

I have read it is the norm for a person in a care home not to be showered daily, but perhaps once or twice a week only. However as my husband is doubly incontinent I would have thought he would be showered regularly?

I have spoken to the Manager several times and on one occasion she told me that she had got the hairdresser to wash his hair and there was no charge! I can’t see my husband letting Carers take him to a sink fully clothed and then letting a stranger wash his hair - and why the hairdresser and not a Carer washing his hair? On another occasion when I bemoaned the fact his hair was greasy the Manager said it had been washed but got greasy from Carers patting his head as they walked past him!!

I do his washing as I was not happy with the Carers doing it - they never ironed anything and his jumpers were being hung up looking like a herd of elephants had trampled over them.

Last week I spoke to the Owner about my husband’s personal hygiene and told her I was not happy with replies I get from her Manager and needed to know how often my husband was being showered and shaved as it was clear to me his hair never seems to be washed. The day I spoke to her my husband's hair was greasy, matted at the back - so it had obviously not been combed! She said she would speak to the staff. Despite seeing her in the care home a few days later she has not approached me with a reply 😔. The Manager has been on leave so may respond to me today but not holding my breath.

I showered, shaved and dressed my husband every day and expected the home to do the same - perhaps I need to reduce my expectations? Wondering if others have had similar experiences and how they dealt with Care Home. I am one of those people who has mouth in gear before brain so Owner and Manager know how I feel.

Thanks for letting me vent.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
I think most care homes aim for at least one shower a week (although it may be more) with an all over wash on other days. In addition, if they are incontinent they wash that area when they change the pads.

Its not always easy though, as many people with dementia develop a fear of water touching their skin (goodness knows why) and especially their face and head. If they are getting the hairdresser to wash his hair rather than the carers, it sounds like he is becoming resistant to having his hair washed. I would calmly find out what the problem is rather than going in all guns blazing. It may be that his dementia has progressed (as it does) to the stage where he is resisting personal care.


Registered User
May 21, 2018
Hello @Maggiejigs

While my mum was in a care home, I was often dismayed to see her looking disheveled. Mum was often very resistant to personal care and would scream and scratch anyone trying to give her a shower. She would, however, allow a thorough strip wash at the sink and would usually let the hairdresser wash her hair (although sometimes would refuse this also). Is it possible that your husband is refusing personal care? If so, the carers should be finding ways of getting round this by perhaps offering a shower or bath at different times of the day, or trying a strip wash instead.

I think, for mum, she perhaps felt more in control having a strip wash or perhaps it was how she remembered washing when she was younger, so was more comfortable with it. Mum has gone now but I visited the care home recently and a resident was extremely angry at having been showered. I don't think many of us would like it much, to be honest. It's unfortunately a common problem and I hope your husband's care home find a good solution.


Registered User
Mar 21, 2020
This struck a chord with me. My partner has just had a week’s respite and when he came home I didn’t feel he was clean. I don’t think his toilet bag had been opened, therefore teeth hadn’t been brushed apart from anything else. I wondered if the carers assumed he was more capable than he actually is. I asked the manager to look into and I await her response!
I visited a different local care home last week and asked how often residents are showered. The answer was ‘at least once a week’. It seems to depend on willingness to cooperate as they can’t force the issue. I suppose I’ll just have to accept the compromise!