1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

understanding Alzheimers

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Manda, Jan 20, 2006.

  1. Manda

    Manda Registered User

    Jul 19, 2005
    2
    Hello there, this is I think the first time I have written something on this forum.

    My Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers in 2003, Mum is the primary care giver

    I live in Canada and my Mum and Dad in England. I recently went for Christmas, try and get back as often as I can and I noticed a big difference in my Dad since last time I saw him.

    My Mum and I have now got to make that big decision to place my Dad in a care home, we know this is the only option now as Mum can't cope anymore.

    It's so awful, both of us feel so awful of having to do this to him, he is 82.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated


    Amanda
     
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Having gone through a similar experience two weeks ago (it's my mum though), I do know how you are feeling. If your mum can nolonger care for your dad at home, then the most loving and responsible thing that you can do for them both, is to help them find a good nursing home, where your father will receive the care and attention that he now needs.
    Knowing that it is right does not seem to rid me of the guilt or the feeling that I am letting them down. Maybe that comes with time. I am not in a position to care for my mum full time though (nor are you), so the Nursing Home is the next most loving action that I can take.
    Hope this helps.
    Amy
     
  3. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hello Manda, it is a difficult decision to make, but as I am going through this exact scenario with my Lionel (who is only 64) I am trying to reason it out.

    I figure that as I cannot cope with hime at home, as his mobility has almost gone, and he has no spacial awareness, if I try to carry on much longer neither of us is going to have much quality of time together.

    With Lionel (in a suitable home) I shall be able to visit daily, be more mentally and physically alert, and we therefore can enjoy some 'special time' together.
    It is never easy, but if you look for the positives in any situation, it does help.
    Take care now, Connie
     
  4. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    Hello Manda

    I agree with the others, my own Mum being in a care home too.

    It is not something you do "to them" but for them, when there are no other options left for you.

    You obviously love your parents very much, and by placing your Dad in a safe and caring environment, your Mum will be able to see him as much as she likes, without the constant worry and exhaustion she must have at the moment.

    It is a hard decision, for us, it has worked very well, hopefully it will for you and your parents too.

    Good luck

    Kathleen
     
  5. Claire

    Claire Registered User

    Mar 31, 2004
    88
    Coventry
    Hello Manda

    I also had to make that decision, for my Mum. Looking back on it I know she stayed at home longer than was safe - even with day care 6 days a week there were spells when she was on her own, with the potential for accidents, wandering etc. Since she went into a care home, I've been confident that she is getting the best possible care, and I know that she is safe, and happy. There are many really good homes out there - its a pity we only seem to hear the horror stories. Your Mum is probably exhausted - I know I was. It is a difficult decision to make, but your Mum, and you when you come to visit, will be able to spend as much time as you want with your Dad, without the stress of constant caring and worry.

    Good luck in finding a good place for your Dad.

    Claire
     

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