1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. sailorjon77

    sailorjon77 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2015
    4
    Hello! I am caring for my mother who is 95. She has vascular dementia , the main symptom being bad memory and a very insecure nature.I have moved her in to live with me ( I'm retired) as i want to look after her as long as possible, particularly as she is well aware of who I am, and to put her in a home at this stage would be quite cruel to her. However, it's tough going for 2 main reasons; she has no interest in eating and drinking and mealtimes are prolonged. b. she constantly is asking what she should be doing. When I tell her, she does not seem to process the answer at all. I am new to this care situation and my goal is to find how the condition will progress, and how to deal with it now. Information is what I need, and I am not much wiser having spoken to her doctor or the social services. It seems that because I am caring for her at home they just let me get on with it. Can anyone help with advice?
    Many thanks, Sailorjon
     
  2. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    1,955
    There are extremely good advice sheets on this site, covering the "usual" stages of dementia, advice for careers, health problems likely to be encountered on the way, etc. You'd probably feel more "settled" and knowledgeable if you read your way through anything that sparked your interest.

    Any research you do will be of only partial benefit, though, because almost every person with dementia experiences it differently.

    My Mum is late stage in mixed dementia - incontinent and not able to remember anything for more than 5 seconds but she's mobile, until recently could manage 'phone conversations not too badly, can still process text (it's the meaning that escapes her)and reads continually. Someone else at a similar stage to Mum might have a better functioning memory but be close to losing the ability to eat.

    I wholeheartedly sympathise with you over the length of time a meal takes. Mum can take an hour to eat breakfast (just cereal, juice and a mug of tea); she's very liable to spend a lot of time playing with the food rather than eating it.
     
  3. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    19,038
    Male
    North Manchester
    "...my goal is to find how the condition will progress..."

    Unfortunately that is a big unknown with all dementias but if you keep posting with particular concerns or problems members will share their experiences with you which go some way to understanding what may be happening.

    "...and how to deal with it now..."

    Go to
    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/contactus
    and see what support is offered in your area - things like Dementia Advisor, dementia cafe, CriSP courses (http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=1710) , ....
     
  4. sailorjon77

    sailorjon77 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2015
    4
    Thanks to " Nitram "and "also confused" for your replies, I will keep you updated as to the progress of my mothers condition, in the hope that it may help you. My mother is reasonably mobile for her age and quite a small person, so it's not too difficult to help her physically. I try to make her do as much as possible for herself,for I find she is more than willing to let everything be done for her if she can get away with it. I have to balance that with her frailty of age though. I take her for a walk most days. she pushes her wheelchair for about 10 -15 minutes ( to the amusement of passersby )then I give her a ride all the way back.She finds pushing it helps her balance as opposed to walking freely. I think it gives her a bit of an outlet, plus hopefully, keeps her lungs in order. She has already had to use antibiotics 3 times in the last 12 months. To keep doing this will reduce the effectiveness. She had a chest infection over christmas which really knocked her down, and I really thought she would not make it to the new year. However, with a lot of care she has recovered, but her "down moods" are now accentuated. As a carer I am in a no win situation, the better I get at caring, the more she relies on me and the less freedom I get; but at this time I do not want to "offload her into a care home, it would break her heart.
     

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