Two years to get this bad. What now?

[PalSal]

With you Al, I just do not sleep very well, period. I so I usually nap in the afternoon now.

 

[Grannie G]

Good morning Al. I hope you managed some sleep eventually.

 

[AliceA]

I often just sleep when I can, I do tried to stick to a sleep plan, sometimes it works sometimes not. Good luck

 

[AL60]

With you Al, I just do not sleep very well, period. I so I usually nap in the afternoon now.

Hi. Good morning. I Couldn't agree more, afternoon power naps are the best. But yesterday I was up fairly early and decided last minute to have an afternoon at the coast. Wow, was it bracing. Thought after that I'd sleep well. Sadly not this time, i didn't even have my mid evening slump after my evening meal, then thinking about it i only had a light snack. Maybe tonight will be better. Al.

 

[AL60]

Good morning Al. I hope you managed some sleep eventually.

Hi. I did ok, i got my six hours, it's enough..Al

 

[AL60]

I often just sleep when I can, I do tried to stick to a sleep plan, sometimes it works sometimes not. Good luck

Hi. I know the feeling . My problem is I've fallen into a pattern of staying up late then getting up fairly early then wonder why I'm tired during the day. Well for me there's nothing really spoiling so until the longer days of spring arrive I'll continue with the hibernation sleep pattern. Hey, three weeks today it's the winter solstice! No l won't be digging out the druids robes this year but after that longest night we can all start to look forward to the longer days of spring and who knows, maybe even another hot summertold you I was a dreamer. Al.

 

[AL60]

Hi. Earlier this week I arranged to meet my wife's best friend at the care home. It's been working up to now, going along with someone else seems to help. I arrived a few minutes early so I waited just inside the front entrance, seated in an open lounge area. As I waited I explained the plan to a couple of the nurses there. As I waited, i could suddenly here my wife shouting and screaming at the staff, the gist was that she didn't want to see me , she couldn't stand me and that she didn't want to see me. The shouting came from nowhere, as far as I knew nobody had told her I was there yet somehow she seemed to know I was there. Her friend came a few minutes later and had a reasonable amount of visiting time. I went home. I've been told today that my wife has a water infection, i know this is making things worse but she won't eat, she barely drinks and refuses to take her meds. No matter how bad things are, you think you're at rock bottom then suddenly find yourself sinking even lowered. Enough for now. Goodnight. Al.

 

[margherita]

Hi Al,
I'm sorry to hear you are so low tonight.
I can only imagine how powerless you must be feeling.
Would it be too difficult or painful to surrender and let things go their own way? For a while, just the time you can come up from the rocky bottom.

 

[AL60]

Hi Al,
I'm sorry to hear you are so low tonight.
I can only imagine how powerless you must be feeling.
Would it be too difficult or painful to surrender and let things go their own way? For a while, just the time you can come up from the rocky bottom.

Hi. I honestly thought l had. A few weeks ago I seriously thought I'd turned a corner, i was feeling great, I'd come to terms with the fact that I could no longer converse with my wife, I was quite happy if we could just sit quietly watching tv or whatever even jus for a few minutes, yet now, or at least for now even that's not possible. Ok, that corner I turned ended up as a blind bend and maybe I took it a little too fast so I'll just slow down and not try too hard to say, yay I'm good!!! Not just yet anyway. I've still got lots of things going on at the moment to act as a distraction. Starting nowA trip to the shop to buy milk, can't face any day without a nice mug of tea. My next attempt at resetting my life starts heretea and digestive biscuits that's another reason to visit the shop.no biscuits. Fell better already. Al

 

[Grannie G]

Your visit sounds demoralising, however much we know your wife can`t help herself. All I can hope for you is, as the dementia progresses, the misconceptions decrease and you get some semblance of a decent visit with your wife.

It happened for me fairly quickly but my husband was on strong medication. I`ll never know whether it was fair or not but I would have been distraught having to experience such upsetting visits.

 

[margherita]

Hi. I honestly thought l had. A few weeks ago I seriously thought I'd turned a corner, i was feeling great, I'd come to terms with the fact that I could no longer converse with my wife, I was quite happy if we could just sit quietly watching tv or whatever even jus for a few minutes, yet now, or at least for now even that's not possible. Ok, that corner I turned ended up as a blind bend and maybe I took it a little too fast so I'll just slow down and not try too hard to say, yay I'm good!!! Not just yet anyway. I've still got lots of things going on at the moment to act as a distraction. Starting nowA trip to the shop to buy milk, can't face any day without a nice mug of tea. My next attempt at resetting my life starts heretea and digestive biscuits that's another reason to visit the shop.no biscuits. Fell better already. Al

Hi Al, so much has happened in such a short time. It will take you time to get used to your new life and , as you say, reset it. A mug of tea and digestive biscuits might be a good starting point.

 

[AL60]

Hi. I went back to the home today, not so much to visit my wife but to discuss her condition with the nurses or better still see the visiting g.p. My wife was sitting by the entrance. Game over, I'd signed in and out within three minutes. No wiser I decided to go home.perhaps I'll ring tomorrow. Al.

 

[AL60]

Hi, still here. Days away from Christmas and all the Christmas shopping is in. I should feel so good yet something is missing. I still find visiting my wife impossible as she gets so angry. Her sister is still in favour as is my eldest daughter, yet even they are having occasional problems but they're normally caused by mentioning my name. What on earth have I done to cause her so much anger? I'm keeping myself occupied going out and about with both friends and family and at this time of year it's easier to try to put problems and worries to the back of my mind. But the cold grey days of January are almost here and i must admit I dread those days, almost like to me they signify the future. I'll go now before I talk myself into depression, I'm out today doing some of that socialising, kidding myself I'm having fun at the same time showing the world how well I'm coping. Some days i even fool myself into thinking im ok. Al.

 

[Mudgee Joy]

Gosh Al - I've just been catching up with your story. I really think if it were me - I'd take a break !! Can you go somewhere totally different for a few days ? - do a course in astronomy or fruit tree pruning - you need a nature break!! Sending Hugs and love - mud joy

 

[kindred]

Hi, still here. Days away from Christmas and all the Christmas shopping is in. I should feel so good yet something is missing. I still find visiting my wife impossible as she gets so angry. Her sister is still in favour as is my eldest daughter, yet even they are having occasional problems but they're normally caused by mentioning my name. What on earth have I done to cause her so much anger? I'm keeping myself occupied going out and about with both friends and family and at this time of year it's easier to try to put problems and worries to the back of my mind. But the cold grey days of January are almost here and i must admit I dread those days, almost like to me they signify the future. I'll go now before I talk myself into depression, I'm out today doing some of that socialising, kidding myself I'm having fun at the same time showing the world how well I'm coping. Some days i even fool myself into thinking im ok. Al.

Ah, that reminds me of the words of the song, when I fool the people I'm with, I fool myself as well ...
Al, I do see this kind of anger towards husbands/wives at my husband's nursing home, it seems sometimes there has to be an enemy but it hurts so badly. I know.
warmest, Kindred.

 

[dancer12]

Hi, still here. Days away from Christmas and all the Christmas shopping is in. I should feel so good yet something is missing. I still find visiting my wife impossible as she gets so angry. Her sister is still in favour as is my eldest daughter, yet even they are having occasional problems but they're normally caused by mentioning my name. What on earth have I done to cause her so much anger? I'm keeping myself occupied going out and about with both friends and family and at this time of year it's easier to try to put problems and worries to the back of my mind. But the cold grey days of January are almost here and i must admit I dread those days, almost like to me they signify the future. I'll go now before I talk myself into depression, I'm out today doing some of that socialising, kidding myself I'm having fun at the same time showing the world how well I'm coping. Some days i even fool myself into thinking im ok. Al.

Hi:

When my husband gets angry at me he's not necessarily getting angry at me as he is using me as a vessel to get out his frustrations. He sees us as one entity. Might your wife be doing the same thing? HAVE A MERRY & TRY TO RELAX A LITTLE.

 

[MrCanuck]

I don't think you've done anything to cause her to be angry, its just that she has possibly lost access to higher level emotions. Your memory could be triggering an emotion she no longer has access to. Empathy, sympathy, love etc are often the first to be impacted with dementia. Those base, ancient emotions like fear and rage often seem untouched, and get substituted. Yet another cruel twist of the disease.

 

[MAMMYGRANNY]

Hi Al,
I hope you survived the Christmas ok and that your wife is easing up on you a bit!
I have been following your thread as I love the wit and humour you use to describe what must be a horrendous experience for you. I hope you are well and that you keep on posting here - I bet I'm not the only one who misses your updates!

 

[AL60]

Hi. I've not posted for a few days as I've been away visiting one of my daughters. I did a lot of soul searching before coming away but in the end I feel I made the right decision. We received the results of her scan prior to leaving and once deciphered it doesn't make for pleasant reading. They have also recommended a further test but I'm not so sure. The rest of the family think it a good idea as it may answer questions as to why this has happened. I'll worry about it in the new year but for now I'll just try to enjoy the holiday break. I've certainty had a nice time here in Kendal but tomorrow I'm leaving for home. Then after a birthday celebration in Manchester on Friday I'll be off again to Dundee to see another daughter, plenty of things to keep me occupied. Yet the more I'm away from home the more I miss my other half. Yet I know, even if I was at home I couldn't visit. It just makes her so upset and angry with me that it's not good for either of us. It's so bad that I have had to remove the gift tag labels from her presents from me as although she has difficulty reading she still recognises my name and that's all it takes. So that's the story so far, I know things will get worse before it gets better but it's hard knowing what's coming and how I'll cope. I'll go now, a long day tomorrow, I'll even call in at the care home and if nothing else I might just catch sight of her, as long as she doesn't see me we should be OK. So, for now, goodnight. Al

 

[AliceA]

Hi, Al, so glad to have gone visiting. You need a break, is it your birthday coming up? Safe travelling