Hi. Yes I remember saying that. In many ways it has made the guilt that much worse. But in the end it got so bad it was taken out of my hands. Even though I feel I'm doing ok every now and then I find myself doing something in the house or garden and memories of events come flooding back. Then it's hard, really hard but I just push through those feelings and come out the other side. It's not as though she's gone, i can always hope that I can visit her and she'll be ok. Sadly those, 'good', visits are becoming increasingly few and far between. In the meantime I'll just carry on and try to enjoy life. It's a bit like old times posting at ungodly hours. There is a good reason, i spent a considerable time outdoors yesterday. Grasscutting and cleaning some windows, not all of them, there's too many. It was on the chilly side so when I decided I'd had enough I went indoors. I prepared a meal, ate it, then promptly fell asleep. I woke up just before nine then left home for the one and a half mile walk to my not so local local. So, here I am, several drinks later, including a nice mug of tea back home and wide awake. Great. No worries though, nothing to get up for. Might even clean some more windows tomorrow, or not. Stay strong, I'm trying to. Goodnight,,,,,or is it good morning, whatever it is, it's good. Al.Hi:
Wow. I remember how you were always so adamant about keeping her home and your wife not wanting to attend adult daycare much less a care home, but I guess there comes a time in everyone's life when all the love in the world is never enough and it's professional help that is needed & necessary. The decision must have been awful for you but I commend you for standing your ground. The past couple years you have been through H_ _ _ _ and emerged on the other side. You should be very proud of the way you took good care of her. I'm sure in her own way she knew that. Glad to hear you are out & about socializing & train tripping. Your wife knows & everytime she throws a plate at you she is saying GO, GO I AM FINE, THE DOCTORS & NURSES TAKE CARE OF ME HERE. YOU HAVE DONE A WONDERFUL JOB UNTIL NOW, NOW LET THEM DO THEIRS. GO!!!!
All the best & take care.
Two years to get this bad. What now?
- Thread starter AL60
- Start date
That's what I miss . The freedom to do what I feel like to at the most " ungodly hours"
Hi. Good morning. It would seem no matter what time I eventually get to sleep I can't get much past 7am. And the first thought on my mind is, should I visit? Probably. I'll wear something washable today just in case. Al.
Hi again. I can hardly believe it was only Tuesday since my last post. It feels more like a couple of weeks at least. I've noticed lately that although the time day by day seems to be passing extremely slowly. Yet the weeks and months are flying by! I don't get it. I'm visiting my wife on a regular basis but when I go alone I find the visit fraught to say the least. If anyone can bring out the worst in her then I can. Hitting, scratching, shouting liar over and over. Yet as soon as a carer or nurse appears it's all sweetness and light. It's incredibly frustrating and upsetting, i often wonder why I should bother going at all! Yet I will, i always will. Which brings me to my next quandary. I'm planning to visit two of my daughters over Christmas and New year. Three days in Kendal over Christmas then home for a day or two then off to Dundee for the new year. It seemed like a good idea at the time but as time goes on I'm beginning to wonder if it's really fair on my wife. Its all very well thinking would she miss me, probably not and if I did stay home and for instance go to the home for Christmas dinner I'd more than likely end up covered in gravy. I think a break would be good but that little guilt fairy sitting on my shoulder is giving me some serious earache. Whatever happens this is going to be a very strange Christmas to what I've been used to over the last. Forty something years. Early on in this post I mentioned how day by day time seems to be dragging it's heels yet overall time Is flying. Last Christmas seems like yesterday Then things weren't too good, the Christmas before was relatively normal. But I'd trade either of those for the one about to happen in around seven weeks time. Oh well enough of my woes. I'm going to see her tomorrow but I'm taking my eldest daughter with me. If my wife does kick off again tomorrow, which she probably will at least I'll have someone to hide behind. Look at the time! One am again, l thought the days, rather nights of late posting were over, goodnight Al.
If it is any consolation and it probably is not, your wife throws everything at you because deep down she knows you will always be there in some way or other. A very back handed compliment.
My father gave me a very hard time in the last year, the others might have left him but in his heart he knew I never would.
Look after yourself, the family visits sound good.
My father gave me a very hard time in the last year, the others might have left him but in his heart he knew I never would.
Look after yourself, the family visits sound good.
Hi. Good Morning. Another sleepless night, another early post, nothing much to write. Said it all last night. Just lying here quietly waiting for first light. I'll go and see her later, hope it turns out right and doesn't end up sadly with her spoiling for a fight. I'm sure with my daughter with me it'll be a good visit today. Sleeps definitely gone away now. How I hate this time of day. Al, .
Yes, I woke early so decided to get up and get on to get ahead for next week. We have three medical appointments in under two days so that means anxiety levels rise, so trying to keep ahead of the game.
It is a dull old morning here. I hope your day and visit go well.
It is a dull old morning here. I hope your day and visit go well.
It`s fair on you @AL60.
I doubt your wife will appreciate the significance of the festive days and care homes pull out all the stops to give residents a good Christmas even if they are unaware of the significance.
How long is it since you had a good time with your daughters? It will give you a well deserved break and your wife will come to no harm.
Consider it respite.
Hi. Athough I've been feeling a lot better of late I realise I'm not quite out that tunnel yet. Every now and then I find myself being drawn back in. However, this morning after waking so early I actually managed to get back to sleep. I feel so much better for it. That could change within the next hour, I'm off now to visit my wife, alone. My daughter is busy until later so I'm going it alone. But, whatever happens it's not going to spoil the rest of the day. I've been invited to tea this evening.. Something to eat, time with friends and a break from routine. Best go, now's the perfect time to visit, between meals.Al.
Hi:
Fighting words are better than no words and if you think she doesn't understand she understands more than you think. She might not be able to express it in the right way but she understands. Just my opinion.
Fighting words are better than no words and if you think she doesn't understand she understands more than you think. She might not be able to express it in the right way but she understands. Just my opinion.
Hi. It's hard to believe she has any understanding at the moment. Today was no better. I'll try again tomorrow. On a better note my evening at a friend's house went well and I'm looking forward to an evening out tomorrow. Monday's and Wednesday's I force myself to go to my not quite so local, local. Exercise and an evening with friends. What could possibly be better.Al.
Glad you are socializing. What I meant was when one sense goes the others usually get sharper however I guess dementia makes up its own rules.
Hi @AL60,
can I tell you you shouldn't give up your plans for Christmas?
If your wife enjoyed your visits or knew that it is Christmas, you might decide to spend it with her, but she doesn't seem to have any understanding, as you say.
Being with your daughters will do you good . We all need the warmth of family...not only at Christmas.
can I tell you you shouldn't give up your plans for Christmas?
If your wife enjoyed your visits or knew that it is Christmas, you might decide to spend it with her, but she doesn't seem to have any understanding, as you say.
Being with your daughters will do you good . We all need the warmth of family...not only at Christmas.
Hi. Yes, another visit another tirade of abuse. What next? This seems to be something else I'm having to come to terms with. No more conversation. It's hard coming out of that dark tunnel into the grey daylight knowing she's still back in there and there's not a thing I can do. After yesterday mornings visit was cut short I decided to go out for the day. Have railcard will travelI I need a new shirt for my youngest daughters graduation this Thursday. So, booked my ticket and went to Liverpool for the afternoon. It made a pleasant change just to be somewhere different. Strange how now I can just up and go where and when I like, not the same, it feels like, there's something missing. I got that shirt though, even came close to buying a new pair of expensive jeans. Decided against that though, why pay good money for a pair of ripped jeans when my, fraction of the price 'George' jeans with a rip in them that i managed to make, will last a bit longer yet. Im sure if my wife was here they'd be in the bin by now. Ive had a visit free day today but tomorrow I'll be going with one of her friends, someone to take her mind off thumping me... Well that's me done for now, pizza time, seemed a good idea earlier but now it's time to eat I just don't feel hungry. Slice of pizza anyone?by for now Al.
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Hi my minds made up, I'm going to stay with daughters at Christmas and New year. There. I've said it. No going back now! . Al.
Glad you are socializing. What I meant was when one sense goes the others usually get sharper however I guess dementia makes up its own rules.
Hi. I'm glad I'm socialising too I really look forward to those Monday and Wednesday evenings with friends. Speaking of supersense, it's only a few years back I would be kept awake by her turning the pages of a book as she would read in darkness. This was in the first year that I noticed something amiss. I often wondered if she was actually reading or just going through the motions. It was strange. If she could come back I would happily read the book to her. Oh well, i really am going this time. Sure no one wants any pizza? Al.
Not really keen on Pizza. But thanks for offer. I am pleased that you have decided to go stay with daughters at Christmas. I know we care better when we care for ourselves, I also know it is hard to actually do. I am a kettle calling the pot black sometimes. So enjoy the freedom, you will be out of practice for a while but when you visit you will be more resilient.
I smiled about the jeans.
Enjoy the graduation, these events are like little anchors in family life.
I smiled about the jeans.
Enjoy the graduation, these events are like little anchors in family life.
A good decision I`m sure.
Of course you would but it isn`t going to happen and all we can do is try to make the best of what we`re given.
