Al, I've read your posts from the beginning and I completely agree with the others. You've done your best 24/7 in a very difficult situation for too long. Your posts show that are a compassionate, caring, loving husband but It's time for her to go into care now, and we have to help each other put the guilt in the dustbin where it belongs. You must care of yourself if you have any chance of helping her once she is in her new home.
Two years to get this bad. What now?
- Thread starter AL60
- Start date
Hi. I read what you all say and am empowered by the positivity that comes across. My mind is made up. Whether it's Monday or Tuesday my wife is going to be going into permanent care. If I had the opportunity it would have happened today. Today has been absolute hell with her. From six this morning until half an hour or so ago its been relentless. I've twice called the emergency number for out of hours social worker, each time to be told that there's nowhere to send her, my youngest daughter came home with her boyfriend mid afternoon and felt so threatened by her mum that she called the police. All sounds a bit dramatic I know but she was genuinely afraid for her own safety. After all this, she's still here, all quiet now. For now anyway. What i don't understand is, the care home had a place they were keeping open until Monday. Then why no room today? I was told yesterday if things deteriorated over the weekend she could be taken in. All questions to be answered on Monday. First though, we haveto get through Sunday, wish me luck. By the way, the family are now onside with the decision I've made.
Al..
Al..
Hi. Good morning. Once again thanks for the replies. Things are a bit quieter this morning. I didn't wake until seven thirty, she'd gone downstairs quietly, went to the toilet quietly then quietly spread mess on every available surface. Then when I went downstairs the first thing to hit me was the smell. Her first words to me were not good morning darling, did you get a good night's sleep? No, it was, There's some more washing in the utility room .
. This, I don't mind, yes of course it's a nuisance but its all part of the caring thing, quietly get on with things, complain, get grumpy sometimes, that's allowed. But no matter how today turns out, nothing can change the inevitable. I'm in no doubt that tomorrow morning the phone will be ringing itself off the hook, yes, they will insist on using the landline, and things are going to change quite quickly. It's not going to be easy but after the last few days I've no choice. So today I'm hoping for a last cream tea in the sunshine. Just hope the carer turns up soon. I've a sneaky feeling my wife might just be in need of a shower this morning. Al.
. This, I don't mind, yes of course it's a nuisance but its all part of the caring thing, quietly get on with things, complain, get grumpy sometimes, that's allowed. But no matter how today turns out, nothing can change the inevitable. I'm in no doubt that tomorrow morning the phone will be ringing itself off the hook, yes, they will insist on using the landline, and things are going to change quite quickly. It's not going to be easy but after the last few days I've no choice. So today I'm hoping for a last cream tea in the sunshine. Just hope the carer turns up soon. I've a sneaky feeling my wife might just be in need of a shower this morning. Al.Al, I have read all your posts. I have been through hell too and my OH is now in a nursing home and I spend time there every day and am now a member of a lovely team caring for him, not just me. One of the truths, not aired enough, is that few of us can see our loved ones right through this illness. It gets too much for any one human to do. And one danger is that it gets so horrible that the PWD becomes the enemy and we cannot shift our minds from that position. The fact we are under pressure to soldier on is a testament to our humanity, especially yours, and from financial constrictions which never look this whole situation in the face. Al, I so honour what you have done, so honour it. I am so glad you have made this decision now. Gxaka kindred.Hi. Good morning. Once again thanks for the replies. Things are a bit quieter this morning. I didn't wake until seven thirty, she'd gone downstairs quietly, went to the toilet quietly then quietly spread mess on every available surface. Then when I went downstairs the first thing to hit me was the smell. Her first words to me were not good morning darling, did you get a good night's sleep? No, it was, There's some more washing in the utility room .
Hi. Funny but I don't feel like sleeping tonight. They say the worst thing you can do is stare at a screen, something to do with the blue light. It's not that that's keeping me awake. Today, well, yesterday, Sunday, has been a kind of up and down day. I thought we were doing well when this morning she had all her medication. I took her to her favourite tea room at tatton, took her around the shops there then made our way home. Wanted to be back home for two as family were due. On the way home from tatton my wife fell fast asleep. Peace at last. As soon as we arrived back home it all changed, wide awake and angry. She wanted to go out. Here we go again. And thats how it's been. Not as bad as yesterday but still bad enough. I've no idea what's going to happen later today but whatever happens it's for the best reasons. I'll keep you updated. So much for blue background light, I'm ready to sleep now. Goodnight from frazzled Al.
Oh Al, I’ve been reading your posts and am so glad you are decided on a care home for your wife, as hard as it is, and that your family are all on board. I think it was the hardest thing for my mum to put dad in a home but I truly think one of them would have killed the other. I have watched all the love come flooding back and mum is able to help care for dad in his home and I know it’s a cliche but she would have to agree that she does get to spend quality time with together.
Best wishes xx
Best wishes xx
Good morning Al. Be thinking of you and your wife today. It will all be ok in the end. It will be difficult but I am sure you have made the right decision and she will be happier and therefore so will you. I am having a few days away. The first time I have done anything much since David went into care. Not sure how I feel at the moment. Means I can't visit for 4 days. But I will not be that far away. And the home said to ring whenever I want to. Hope all goes well today and I send my love to you both.xHi. Funny but I don't feel like sleeping tonight. They say the worst thing you can do is stare at a screen, something to do with the blue light. It's not that that's keeping me awake. Today, well, yesterday, Sunday, has been a kind of up and down day. I thought we were doing well when this morning she had all her medication. I took her to her favourite tea room at tatton, took her around the shops there then made our way home. Wanted to be back home for two as family were due. On the way home from tatton my wife fell fast asleep. Peace at last. As soon as we arrived back home it all changed, wide awake and angry. She wanted to go out. Here we go again. And thats how it's been. Not as bad as yesterday but still bad enough. I've no idea what's going to happen later today but whatever happens it's for the best reasons. I'll keep you updated. So much for blue background light, I'm ready to sleep now. Goodnight from frazzled Al.
Hi. Good morning. I woke an hour ago but only just ready to face another day. I know I'm doing the right thing, I also know I have the support of friends and family. It's still not going to easy but all the support and encouragement from everyone will help me to see it through. Thank you again. Al.
Even after what you have been through this is still not going to be easy. Lots and lots of support during this difficult time x
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