• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Two questions: one on medication and one on feeling irritated with CH staff

SarahL

Registered User
Dec 1, 2012
229
Hi there all

Today I felt very irritated with one of the girls in the CH who virtually ignores me when I'm with Mum and acts like she knows her so well, cuddling her and sometimes telling me things about Mum like I don't already know. I may have been more annoyed because my Mum is being anti-me again at the moment, making snide comments behind the backs of everyone. I still cannot fathom how she can do this and then turn the charm on to a.n.other - she was giving me really nasty looks too and I wonder if I'm just some awful reminder of her old life hence the aggression - but going back tto the girl, she seems particularly ignorant and she also talks to other carers about my Mum in front of me like I don't count. Moan moan. All the other carers include me and don't try and take over. Very annoying, has anyone else felt this?

On the medication side of things, the GP saw Mum and has decided to take her off Risperidone at nigh, starting her on sodium valproate instead, which is a modified release medication for bi-polar /epilepsy. They are giving it to her to try and regulate her mood. Does anyone have any experience of this?

Many thanks.
 
Last edited:

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
20,063
North Manchester
Sodium Valporate (not MR but crushable (Epilim)) plus Memantine worked for my wife.
She could not take MR as she chewed everything.
 

WIFE

Registered User
May 23, 2014
856
WEST SUSSEX
Shouldn't worry too much about your Mother's behaviour Sarah - my dear husband proposed to everyone - including the male carers in his Nursing Home and offered to buy a house for another member of staff. He even got around to proposing to me on one occasion. We all just used to laugh about it. Part of the illness I'm sorry to say. Try not to get too stressed. WIFE
 

garnuft

Registered User
Sep 7, 2012
6,585
Oh, I understand your feeling Sarah.

I would be upset too, it's thoughtless and hurtful and if it continues I would have a word with the CH manager, it's part of training.
A good carer would know that there are sensibilities within the famiy to manage as well as the person they are supporting.

One of my son's drivers, a young woman who is a mother of small children, keeps equating her experience with motherhood with mine.

It hurts me...her silly advice like 'He should have a coat on it may be cold later' when the fact is he's 27, he didn't want to get out of bed, have a shower, get dressed, go to day care and definitely DOESN'T want to wear a coat.

'I would insist' she says.

'Try insisting' say I 'and there's another day care lost to me. I choose my battles.'

She knows nothing about autism, adult with needs and sees everything through her prism as a young mother.

My son has taken enteric coated (slow release) Epilum/Sodium Valproate for 25 years.
It can cause weight gain but he didn't put on any weight until he was old enough to be able to raid the kitchen himself. :/

With him it has also caused hand tremours but he has been seizure free for a few years and he used to be so bad he had status epilepticus and/or needed ventilating due to the area of the brain that his seizures affect him.

So much worry for you and I know how you feel, you'll be kicking yourself for being bothered about the daft carer, feeling you've got better things to worry about...
but I know how much these things eat into your soul.

Best wishes and next time she tells you something you already know try reminding her YOU KNOW. x
 

RedLou

Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
1,162
Her behaviour is inappropriate and I would consider taking contemporaneous notes of it.
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,598
West Midlands
Mum had a carer like that

"Oh I don't know why she's so nasty to you, she's never nasty to me"

:eek:

Carer didn't last long once mum and others treated her like "family"....


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,960
Brixham Devon
My OH was on Sodium Valporate but his was for bi-polar and used as a mood leveler as he used to go high as a kite. Getting the dosage right is essential but I'm not sure the medics ever did that with Pete-that's not a criticism as he had very complex needs. It could be worth trying?

Take care

Lyn T X
 

SarahL

Registered User
Dec 1, 2012
229
Oh, I understand your feeling Sarah.

I would be upset too, it's thoughtless and hurtful and if it continues I would have a word with the CH manager, it's part of training.
A good carer would know that there are sensibilities within the famiy to manage as well as the person they are supporting.

One of my son's drivers, a young woman who is a mother of small children, keeps equating her experience with motherhood with mine.

It hurts me...her silly advice like 'He should have a coat on it may be cold later' when the fact is he's 27, he didn't want to get out of bed, have a shower, get dressed, go to day care and definitely DOESN'T want to wear a coat.

'I would insist' she says.

'Try insisting' say I 'and there's another day care lost to me. I choose my battles.'

She knows nothing about autism, adult with needs and sees everything through her prism as a young mother.

My son has taken enteric coated (slow release) Epilum/Sodium Valproate for 25 years.
It can cause weight gain but he didn't put on any weight until he was old enough to be able to raid the kitchen himself. :/

With him it has also caused hand tremours but he has been seizure free for a few years and he used to be so bad he had status epilepticus and/or needed ventilating due to the area of the brain that his seizures affect him.

So much worry for you and I know how you feel, you'll be kicking yourself for being bothered about the daft carer, feeling you've got better things to worry about...
but I know how much these things eat into your soul.

Best wishes and next time she tells you something you already know try reminding her YOU KNOW. x
Thank you Garnuft, I am going to take your advice. I am pretty insulted and it is disrespectful of this carer to ignore me so I will def say something next time along the lines you've suggested. I am also making a note and will raise it with CH if happens again. In the same vein it must have been very hurtful for you being told what's best for your son (a) by someone who does not have the insight into autism or more imortantly, your son as an individual (b) the sheer fact she dispensed 'advice' when it had not been asked for and (c) a patronising insult to you as the primary carer. I know I sound very uppity about this but I feel strongly about any little injustice at the moment for myself and on other people's behalves too. I really appreciate your input about the medication and will keep an eye on side effects. Best wishes to you and your son. Take care.x
 

SarahL

Registered User
Dec 1, 2012
229
My OH was on Sodium Valporate but his was for bi-polar and used as a mood leveler as he used to go high as a kite. Getting the dosage right is essential but I'm not sure the medics ever did that with Pete-that's not a criticism as he had very complex needs. It could be worth trying?

Take care

Lyn T X
Thanks Lyn, good to know about getting the dosage right, I will keep a close eye. x
 

SarahL

Registered User
Dec 1, 2012
229
Her behaviour is inappropriate and I would consider taking contemporaneous notes of it.

Thanks Redlou, I am going to keep a note and if it happens again, as I said in my response to Garnuft, I am going to report it to the CH. It is hurtful, insensitive, inappropriate and ignorant, with no understanding of relationships between family members or what the carer has been through involving loss and pain.xx
 

SarahL

Registered User
Dec 1, 2012
229
Mum had a carer like that

"Oh I don't know why she's so nasty to you, she's never nasty to me"

:eek:

Carer didn't last long once mum and others treated her like "family"....


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

Thanks 2jays, after getting input and feedback on here I have decided that I am going to say something to the CH next time if it happens again, aswell as address the issue with the girl (if I'm brave enough). I couldn't bring myself to have eye contact with her yesterday as I felt very upset especially as she could see my Mum was having a bad day with me and being nasty to me. x
 

Witzend

Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
4,291
SW London
Thanks Redlou, I am going to keep a note and if it happens again, as I said in my response to Garnuft, I am going to report it to the CH. It is hurtful, insensitive, inappropriate and ignorant, with no understanding of relationships between family members or what the carer has been through involving loss and pain.xx
I would certainly have a word. Seems to me that the carer is in the wrong job. CH staff should always be supportive to relatives, and not be fostering niggles or causing upset. IMO this should come naturally - if they have to be told then they shouldn't be working there. Though I know this is easy to say and it's often hard for CHs to find enough of the right sort of staff.

One thing I have occasionally found with CH staff is that because it's their job, and they've probably had some training, they can assume that they must therefore understand dementia (and even know and understand the sufferer) better than you do, because you are not a 'professional'. I once had to tell a staff member who was talking to me as if I were quite clueless, that in fact I had many years' experience of dementia in two relatives, quite a bit of it hands-on 24/7. I did say it very nicely, though. :) - always pays to say things nicely as far as poss.
 

SarahL

Registered User
Dec 1, 2012
229
I would certainly have a word. Seems to me that the carer is in the wrong job. CH staff should always be supportive to relatives, and not be fostering niggles or causing upset. IMO this should come naturally - if they have to be told then they shouldn't be working there. Though I know this is easy to say and it's often hard for CHs to find enough of the right sort of staff.

One thing I have occasionally found with CH staff is that because it's their job, and they've probably had some training, they can assume that they must therefore understand dementia (and even know and understand the sufferer) better than you do, because you are not a 'professional'. I once had to tell a staff member who was talking to me as if I were quite clueless, that in fact I had many years' experience of dementia in two relatives, quite a bit of it hands-on 24/7. I did say it very nicely, though. :) - always pays to say things nicely as far as poss.

Thanks Witzend, the same carer was in again today although she was sitting at a table with another resident. I sat with Mum in an armchair and could feel the carer watching me and listening, but then I took Mum for a wander around. I still feel very irritated about what happened the other day and what you say about carers supporting relatives and not fostering niggles, is spot on. It has made me think about this carer's practice. I think you did the right thing in being nice and I will try to say something nicely next time. I do think it's an absolute cheek that the staff member treated you like you were clueless, it is total ignorance and some sort of misplaced ego. And, I agree with you, a little bit of training makes some people think that they are the 'expert' all the sudden. Grrrrrrrr.
 
Last edited:

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
114,396
Messages
1,673,554
Members
65,461
Latest member
Mr. H