Two months now.........

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by keegan2, Jan 13, 2016.

  1. keegan2

    keegan2 Registered User

    Jan 11, 2015
    Well its been just a little over 2 months now since things have taken a turn for the worse and here we are no closer to find a solution. All the medicine he has been given in that time I have been told to stop or have started to scale down. Lorazapam gone, phenergnan gone, aricept reduced from 10 mg to 5 mg with view to stop by next week and haloperidol reduced from 1.5mg to 0.5mg with view to stop next week. This leaves us with 30 mg mirtzapine and 10mg memantine twice a day. Hubby has already started blowing and I can see the old signs of him being nervous returning. Last week seemed so perfect, yes he was little sedated and quite, manageable would be the best way to describe it eating and taking his medicine not washing everyday but at least brushing teeth and changing clothes. Told the memory clinic I cannot go back to how it was, will probably have break down. She said they will try another medicine next week when he comes off these with different side effects as she thinks the old ones might be the cause of the seizures he had. Or she said have him hospitalized so they can sort the medication out. I don't think things will ever be the same if I have him sectioned so have opted to try the new medicine next week however its the time between now and then I am worried about.....

    Its so hard trying to make decisions when you don't know what the outcome is going to be. I did say to the doctor I would rather have the medicines that allows us to keep hubby at home then give different ones which would probably give him more time but not with us. I know other people on here are going through the same dilemma. I have a good support network at home at the moment the 3 boys have made a rota so one of them is home every evening, they are happy to do this for however long but I know even though will not be able to cope if dad started wandering and being aggresive again............
  2. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    North West
    I can understand your worry Keegan. It's so difficult in these situations to know what's best. And medics are always hedging their bets, as yours seem to be, so no real help there. Last week sounds as though it might be a clue. Could you not suggest a few more weeks on the exact medication he was taking last week?
  3. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    I couldn't just read and run. It's wonderful that you have your sons helping, but it is such a stressful time for you all. I hope you find a solution soon that works for everyone xxx
  4. CeliaThePoet

    CeliaThePoet Registered User

    Dec 7, 2013
    Buffalo, NY, USA
    It may not be what you want to hear, but sectioning has the potential for a true and lasting solution, as they can observe in detail the effects of each med and control the transitions between more thoughtfully. I'm not sure what you mean by "things will never be the same" but dear, things cannot go on as they have. Leaving you in charge of this and your boys is just too much, and if professionals suggest another way, it may be time to try it. I worry for all of you and hope things are calmer and better soon.
  5. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    Your sadness comes through so strongly,it's such a heartbreaking decision.I think the idea of a section is scary but there are many instances on here where people say it has been a turning point in a very positive way.You are worried about your OH,we are all worried about you and your family.Thinking of you all.
  6. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    I've been following your posts and know you managed a fab xmas day, which for your younger son will mean memories to treasure which other kids take for granted. I do wonder - and nearly commented on an earlier post - whether hospitalisation may sort things out quicker and less painfully than the process you are going through. It was worth keeping him at home over xmas but now may be a good time.

    I don't have any direct experience of sectioning and hospitalisation, although I have read about it on TP. Lynn T often states if her husband hadn't been sectioned and his meds sorted out on several occasions she wouldn't have been able to have him at home as long as she did.

    I know the older boys are in this with you all the way, and you must be so proud of them, but your little lad needs to be looked after. And he needs you to be around to be his mother and not suffer.
  7. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    Lots of wise advice, Keegan, I can only offer a virtual hug, but hope whatever decision you make things improve. xxx

    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
  8. keegan2

    keegan2 Registered User

    Jan 11, 2015
    Thanks for all your advice and comments. Had a chat with the boys and we have decided we will give it a week and see where we are after coming off the medicines as suggested and try the new one recommended if this does not give us the results we are looking for then we will go down the route of hospitalization. As distressing it is for us to make this decision other half is probably more distressed when things are so traumatic.

    When one sees glimpses of their loved ones as they used to be, if only for a few minutes the hope in our hearts that things are good take over all the bad moments we have been having. Deep down I know it is neither healthy for myself and my family to keep thinking like this. This disease does not have room for hope........
  9. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    You and your boys are a wonderful team :)
    It's really positive that you can all talk, and that you've come to a family decision, so you can back each other up whatever happens over this coming week.
    Personally I think you're wise to give yourselves a deadline; no matter what, you'll all know you've given it your best shot.
    Keep hold of all the good moments - sadly, though, the reality of the other times has to be acknowledged and acted on.
    One day at a time.
    Every best wish to you, your boys and your husband.
  10. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    Maybe just hope for best possible outcome for all of you.Take care.
  11. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    I'm not able to offer advice Keegan but just to wish you peace and the best possible outcome whatever you decide.
  12. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    Joining Es in wishing you well with whatever decision you make. xxx

    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

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