Two for the price of one!

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by placey, Jan 9, 2014.

  1. placey

    placey Registered User

    Sep 3, 2012
    My friend's mother has Alzheimer's although most of the time she is alert and coherent. However, she seems to be convinced that her daughter, an only child, is two people, sisters who don't get on. I haven't come across this before - my MIL has Alz and doesn't know us at all, ever. However, my friend's mother gets very upset about the quarrel between these two 'sisters' and says things like, "Which Angie are you? Why can't you be nice to your sister?" Has anybody come across this before?

  2. Noorza

    Noorza Registered User

    Jun 8, 2012
    No but it doesn't surprise me, I have gone past being surprised a long time ago. All your friend can do is to reassure her mother that she will make friends with the other Angie. Telling her mum that there is only one won't be believed, so if it were me I'd just reassure her Mum that they'll make friends.

    So sad, so difficult, I know.
  3. Shash7677

    Shash7677 Registered User

    I'm not sure if this is the same thing so forgive me if it isn't but my mum doesn't know who I am (AD), she thinks I'm her younger sister who she absolutely despises!

    We were looking at photos when she loved at home (nearly 2yrs ago now) and she said 'oh look there you are!' And pointed to my aunt, I said mum that's not me that's Aunty Margie' she just looked at me as if I were stupid!

    Now whenever I visit her in her NH she does one of 2 things, she either gives me what I call a death stare, sits and looks at me with such venom I'm never sure whether she's going to shout at me or wallop me one, then says she hates me, I'm a pig and storms out of her room shouting and banging on doors very agitated, or, she looks smiles then says she's off and get up to walk out. I then leave (prob about 2 mins after I've arrived) once I've gone she's ok for about 10minutes then she kicks off, slamming doors, banging about to the point where my dad cuts his visit short.

    Mum hasn't known who I am for a long time, no idea why she thinks I'm my aunt (a good 25yrs older than me) and we don't even look alike. I'm assuming that my face doesn't for anyone's that she remembers and the only female who has ever had a big part in her life is her sister (no longer speaks to anyone in the family) so I just kind of 'fit the bill' as it were. It's part of her memory that's cloudy so she's made a bit up and that's now her reality.

    Sorry of this is a complete tangent to your OP,

  4. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    Hi Placey, yes my Mum does this with my Dad sometimes he is her husband and other times he is that other Man, this often happens within minutes
  5. thats life

    thats life Registered User

    Jan 2, 2013
    When my mother lived with me I was also two people, she would tell people about all the horrible things I had done! If I asked her if it was me she would reply, "Oh no it wasn't you it was the other one"
  6. Linbrusco

    Linbrusco Registered User

    Mar 4, 2013
    Auckland...... New Zealand
    I'm curious to know what stage your spouse/parent was at when this happened.
    Mum has started to forget who certain people are in photos and mix them up with other people.
    I gave Mum a B&W photo of her mother taken when she was 3yrs with her parents.
    This was taken in 1923, and Mums Grandfather was blind so no mistaking who he was.

    Mum thought the little girl was herself, and her own parents.
  7. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    #7 Ann Mac, Jan 11, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2014
    Mil has recently started to refer to my hubs (her only son) as if there are 'two' of him, a typical conversation goes -

    Mil - "Where's S?"
    Me - 'In the front room'
    She will get up and look through the door at hubs, then return
    Mil - 'No, not your S, MY S"

    At first, I would ask her who 'My S' is to her - and she would tell me he is her son. So I would ask who 'her S' is to her - and get the same answer. So I would ask how many children she has, and she would tell me 'Just the one son' - and she clearly could see nothing at all odd in claiming there were two people called 'S', both her son, whilst seemingly being aware that she has only one child :confused: . Now I just let it ride - I'll tell her where 'My S' is, when she asks, and give her the same answer when I get the 'Not your S, My S' in response.

    When one of my daughters tried to insist that the two 'S's' were the same person, Mil merely laughed and pointed out that 'her S' neither has grey in his hair or wears glasses. But when asked the age of her S, gave hubby's age correctly - go figure !

    This is completely different from when she 'mixes' people up, which she does with all of us - at various times she has been sure that hubs is her uncle/father/brother, and called him by their names. She has done the same with the rest of us - I've been her cousin or an old workmate on several occasions.

    We've also had a persistent belief that my hubby is HER hubby, and that she married him 'after her first husband died' - she calls hubs by the correct name, and out of the blue will ask him if he can sort the single bed in her room so he can stay there with her:eek: At various times, Hubs has tried to put her straight - with (dare I say it) really funny results . . . once, he pointed out he was married to me, and she simply patted my hand and told me not to worry, that it wasn't my fault - its was just 'typical of a man '!. On another occasion she burst out laughing and said to him 'Don't be stupid - of course you're my husband - you d******d' ' :eek: Mil NEVER would use language like that previously, particularly in front of her Grandchildren, so that response absolutely left us all speechless - then in hysterical laughter - I think it was the shock, and I still can't think of it now without laughing!

    None of these instances seem to cause Mil any upset, though, so its easy for me just to go along with them - I feel for anyone where these 'second' people cause distress :( xxx
  8. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    Hi placey my husband thinks l am two different people, when l am cleaning the house or gardening he thinks l am a youny girl who comes in to do the chores, he tells me how hard that girl works and then tells me he feels sorry for her as she works so hard, its nice to know l am in his eyes a young girl l am 68,
    Happy days sometimes,! Pamann

    Sent from my GT-P5210 using Talking Point mobile app
  9. placey

    placey Registered User

    Sep 3, 2012
    thanks to replies to 'two for one' offer

    Thanks for all your posts, ALL useful. I will pass them all on. Friend's mum is 92 but was fine up to a year ago when she had a minor op and seemed to lose her memory on recovery. This loss is not total (unlike my MIL). Poor soul, she gets so sorry when she knows she's been unreasonable and confused.

    Ann Mac - I'm puzzled about the dreadful language spelled d******d - the only word I can think of is drunkard..bad enough I suppose. My MIL wouldn't let my husband and I share a room - when she would still let us stay overnight. She said "I'm not having any of that in my house." I pointed out we'd been married for 35 years. "Oh," she said, "You never told me that."

  10. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    Er - the second syllable was 'head' :eek: :)
  11. placey

    placey Registered User

    Sep 3, 2012
    Ha ha! Now I understand!

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