Hi i am new to this site and feel a bit strange telling people how i feel. I lost my husband and soulmate in October 07, he was 61 years old and I was aged 54 (now 55). I still find it so hard to beleive that he is not here and i will never see him again. My husband only started to deteriorate July 07 and had not lost his memory. He started to be aggressive towards me a couple of times and was taken to hospital and transferred to a neurological unit where tests where done on his brain. I was told he only had a couple of months left to live and brought him home to care for him myself. He was a lovely kind man who was very sociable and had many friends but for the previous 3 years he had been anxious and I was told he was suffering from a b12 deficiency. I May 2007 he saw his neurologist and he sent him to a cerebal function unit for tests to make sure (he said he was 99% sure it was psycological) they diagnosed a psuedo dementia. ( how wrong could they be). This gave us much hope that he would get better and could then get on with our lives. I am still in shock that he is not here and dont know how to deal with it. I am back at work and have a twin sister and a son who both contact me daily. I also have 2 very good friends who invite me for meals at there houses. My husbands best friend takes me to his home every 2 weeks for a couple of glasses of wine with him and his wife who are both very supportive. I feel that i am living someone else's life and just want my own life back. Does anyone else feel this way? Sorry its such a long message but couldnt stop once I got started.