Turning me into a nasty person!

Herecomestrouble

Registered User
Dec 11, 2018
16
Just reading 'the selfish pigs guide to caring' it's a must for all carers.. So much confermation of everything we go through.. and ways to cope without beeting ourselves up... (wish my OH could read and understand it) it sure has made me feel more positive about the situation I'm in.. even on bad days without the guilt.. :):)
So glad you liked it and found it helpful. I am often wary of recommending books because people’s tastes are so different. Having read most of it now, I find many of Hugh Marriott’s words and advice ringing in my ears and it helps hugely. Hang on in there!
 

Herecomestrouble

Registered User
Dec 11, 2018
16
Hello to everyone.
I care for my wife who was 57 when we were told she had alzheimers, that was five years ago now.
I would like to here from any one young like her, I wish I could meet other couples to share what we are going through, it drive me round the bend and her going to these dementia cafes where most people are a lot older, I must say that as a full time carer for her I don't get much time to sit in front on my laptop.
That's all for now.
007 I wish
Hi there, am not in quite the same situation, in that I am a little younger than your wife but my husband is 18 years older than me, so if doing any activity with him as the focus ( which is all we do, if anything), it is with people of his age and very rarely mine. Which can be fine and I have met some wonderful people and do believe that age is not really the issue. But...I do feel out of place and out of synch in terms of where I am at in my life and where my contemporaries are at, and who I spend time with ( if anyone except OH). It is quite nice being told I am only young, because to them I am, but I am not ready to be a pensioner just yet.
I wonder if you have tried your local dementia cafes, singing groups and the like where you might meet similar aged people to yourselves Or ask the professionals you have contact ( Memory clinic, CMHT, whoever with whether they can put you in touch with anyone by passing your details on . There will be people out there, it is just a matter of finding them ( just!)
 

Herecomestrouble

Registered User
Dec 11, 2018
16
Hi there, am not in quite the same situation, in that I am a little younger than your wife but my husband is 18 years older than me, so if doing any activity with him as the focus ( which is all we do, if anything), it is with people of his age and very rarely mine. Which can be fine and I have met some wonderful people and do believe that age is not really the issue. But...I do feel out of place and out of synch in terms of where I am at in my life and where my contemporaries are at, and who I spend time with ( if anyone except OH). It is quite nice being told I am only young, because to them I am, but I am not ready to be a pensioner just yet.
I wonder if you have tried your local dementia cafes, singing groups and the like where you might meet similar aged people to yourselves Or ask the professionals you have contact ( Memory clinic, CMHT, whoever with whether they can put you in touch with anyone by passing your details on . There will be people out there, it is just a matter of finding them ( just!)
Sorry 007.. just re read your post and you have tried dementia cafes already...there must be other stuff. Our local rehab hospital runs occupational therapy groups, of all sorts, art, swimming, games...worth looking into if you have such a place...and day centres. But maybe you have exhausted all local options. Sorry if I am just stating the obvious
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,583
East of England
On the holidays theme again, my sister in law who has told me that she is not expecting to come and see her brother again and has said goodbye to him, finally called up for his birthday today, I passed the phone to him for a brief hello and she asked me to speak to her again afterwards. It was to tell me that they are going to see friends in Perth Australia courtesy of son’s air miles and wanted me to know. No mention of my note about not coming again just nervous laughs. I said very little and she then asked to speak to my daughter and asked her how I was. What a completely messed up state of mind she must be in! You can imagine my feelings, she can travel thousands of miles on a holiday but can’t manage a hundred to see her brother. I feel completely let down by his other closest family member on an emotional day of his birthday which barely registers with him and I am fielding kind emails and reading lovely cards and feel like howling. Instead I have let it all out on here and I shall be alright now.
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,583
East of England
Happy Birthday to your OH @Grahamstown

TBH, with an attitude like that I think his sister improved the day by not coming................
Thank you Canary. To be honest I feel totally abandoned by his sister in his hour of need. I have been there for her and her family through thick and thin and sometimes it was very bad indeed. You are absolutely right, I feel like I never want to see them again and my poor husband won’t know the difference and she is oblivious. All because apparently her husband can’t cope with dementia people. He is in such a bad way that it breaks my heart and there is nothing I can do.
 

Fishgirl

Registered User
Sep 9, 2019
134
Hi Grahamstown,
I used to think my OH family were really close, when he was well enough he used to visit his 2 brothers every couple of weeks, but obviously when he got worse and didn’t want to go out that stopped and I thought they would come and see him. One of them has been twice in the last year, the other one, not even a phone call in 18 months! OH never mentions them so I think he’s all but forgotten them now. We get much more support from my side of the family and they visit regularly, even though he doesn’t always appreciate it, they still come. Thank goodness or I’d never see anyone!
Happy Birthday to your hubby. :)xxx
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
653
Basingstoke, Hampshire
To be honest I feel totally abandoned by his sister in his hour of need. I have been there for her and her family through thick and thin and sometimes it was very bad indeed. You are absolutely right, I feel like I never want to see them again and my poor husband won’t know the difference and she is oblivious. All because apparently her husband can’t cope with dementia people. He is in such a bad way that it breaks my heart and there is nothing I can do.
I can't help but think, from what you say about his sister, that she must be feeling a bit of guilt. But whether there is or there isn't, it sounds like he's better off without her visiting him. But all the same, it hurts doesn't it?