Turning me into a nasty person!

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Fishgirl, Sep 14, 2019.

  1. Herecomestrouble

    Herecomestrouble Registered User

    Dec 11, 2018
    15
    So glad you liked it and found it helpful. I am often wary of recommending books because people’s tastes are so different. Having read most of it now, I find many of Hugh Marriott’s words and advice ringing in my ears and it helps hugely. Hang on in there!
     
  2. Herecomestrouble

    Herecomestrouble Registered User

    Dec 11, 2018
    15
    Hi there, am not in quite the same situation, in that I am a little younger than your wife but my husband is 18 years older than me, so if doing any activity with him as the focus ( which is all we do, if anything), it is with people of his age and very rarely mine. Which can be fine and I have met some wonderful people and do believe that age is not really the issue. But...I do feel out of place and out of synch in terms of where I am at in my life and where my contemporaries are at, and who I spend time with ( if anyone except OH). It is quite nice being told I am only young, because to them I am, but I am not ready to be a pensioner just yet.
    I wonder if you have tried your local dementia cafes, singing groups and the like where you might meet similar aged people to yourselves Or ask the professionals you have contact ( Memory clinic, CMHT, whoever with whether they can put you in touch with anyone by passing your details on . There will be people out there, it is just a matter of finding them ( just!)
     
  3. Herecomestrouble

    Herecomestrouble Registered User

    Dec 11, 2018
    15
    Sorry 007.. just re read your post and you have tried dementia cafes already...there must be other stuff. Our local rehab hospital runs occupational therapy groups, of all sorts, art, swimming, games...worth looking into if you have such a place...and day centres. But maybe you have exhausted all local options. Sorry if I am just stating the obvious
     
  4. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    1,429
    East of England
    On the holidays theme again, my sister in law who has told me that she is not expecting to come and see her brother again and has said goodbye to him, finally called up for his birthday today, I passed the phone to him for a brief hello and she asked me to speak to her again afterwards. It was to tell me that they are going to see friends in Perth Australia courtesy of son’s air miles and wanted me to know. No mention of my note about not coming again just nervous laughs. I said very little and she then asked to speak to my daughter and asked her how I was. What a completely messed up state of mind she must be in! You can imagine my feelings, she can travel thousands of miles on a holiday but can’t manage a hundred to see her brother. I feel completely let down by his other closest family member on an emotional day of his birthday which barely registers with him and I am fielding kind emails and reading lovely cards and feel like howling. Instead I have let it all out on here and I shall be alright now.
     
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,696
    Female
    South coast
    Happy Birthday to your OH @Grahamstown

    TBH, with an attitude like that I think his sister improved the day by not coming................
     
  6. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    1,429
    East of England
    Thank you Canary. To be honest I feel totally abandoned by his sister in his hour of need. I have been there for her and her family through thick and thin and sometimes it was very bad indeed. You are absolutely right, I feel like I never want to see them again and my poor husband won’t know the difference and she is oblivious. All because apparently her husband can’t cope with dementia people. He is in such a bad way that it breaks my heart and there is nothing I can do.
     
  7. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    101
    Hi Grahamstown,
    I used to think my OH family were really close, when he was well enough he used to visit his 2 brothers every couple of weeks, but obviously when he got worse and didn’t want to go out that stopped and I thought they would come and see him. One of them has been twice in the last year, the other one, not even a phone call in 18 months! OH never mentions them so I think he’s all but forgotten them now. We get much more support from my side of the family and they visit regularly, even though he doesn’t always appreciate it, they still come. Thank goodness or I’d never see anyone!
    Happy Birthday to your hubby. :)xxx
     
  8. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    504
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    I can't help but think, from what you say about his sister, that she must be feeling a bit of guilt. But whether there is or there isn't, it sounds like he's better off without her visiting him. But all the same, it hurts doesn't it?
     

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