Turning me into a nasty person!

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Fishgirl, Sep 14, 2019.

  1. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    279
    Well I've had a weeks 'respite' :)first time ever, picking him up tomorrow. Son told me I should have opted for two weeks, but although I do feel its gone too quickly, I'd rather do one week again in the not too distant future.
     
  2. Linton

    Linton Registered User

    Jul 27, 2019
    124
    Just reading 'the selfish pigs guide to caring' it's a must for all carers.. So much confermation of everything we go through.. and ways to cope without beeting ourselves up... (wish my OH could read and understand it) it sure has made me feel more positive about the situation I'm in.. even on bad days without the guilt.. :):)
     
  3. 007 I wish

    007 I wish New member

    Aug 4, 2019
    2
    Hello to everyone.
    I care for my wife who was 57 when we were told she had alzheimers, that was five years ago now.
    I would like to here from any one young like her, I wish I could meet other couples to share what we are going through, it drive me round the bend and her going to these dementia cafes where most people are a lot older, I must say that as a full time carer for her I don't get much time to sit in front on my laptop.
    That's all for now.
    007 I wish
     
  4. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    279
    There are quite a few of us in our 60s with husbands who are older. I feel robbed rather of what should be the good years of retirement, but hey at least we're not dead!;)

    I too don't fancy dementia cafes - one person with dementia is enough! LOL
     
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,786
    Female
    South coast
    Hello @007 I wish and welcome to DTP
    I am 62 and care for my OH who is 63. We should both be working, enjoying the grandkids and planning our retirement, but instead OH does nothing and Im stuck indoors with him.
     
  6. lovey11

    lovey11 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2017
    13
    OMG how can a new pair of pyjamas be so stressful!! Put new pj's on the OH tonight and he's taken them off 3 times now. Came downstairs in total confusion because there is a 'pee hole' with a button on the fly. His other pj's don't have fly and he can't understand he can just pull them up and down like his old pj's!! He's back again with pair of underpants on top now!!
     
  7. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,311
    Female
    Chester
    Can you sew the fly up - obviously not whilst he is wearing them.
     
  8. lovey11

    lovey11 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2017
    13
    Finally gave in and put him back in old pair. He has dementia but it's me that's being driven mad!!! Good idea will sew them up as bought 2 pair.
     
  9. Latitude

    Latitude Registered User

    Jul 12, 2019
    32
    I've just bought some new PJs for my Dad and gone for shorts and Tshirts which he really likes. No more buttons or struggling to get his leg in without ripping the hem.
     
  10. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,650
    Blimey I am almost glad that dad sleeps naked, only almost though.
     
  11. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    541
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    I try to find clothes that are more in keeping with my husband's condition but he also goes back to wearing what he's used to. It's hard work and you're only trying to do what is best for them. At the moment I'm taking a break from trying to find his electric razor which has suddenly disappeared.
     
  12. big l

    big l Registered User

    Aug 15, 2015
    32
    I'm there!!! bottle washing and general duties? BRING IT ON!!!
     
  13. Linton

    Linton Registered User

    Jul 27, 2019
    124
    :(It takes me nearly an hour to get my OH dressed in a morning.. (4.am)..including all his incontinence stuff.. by then I usually grab anything for me to wear... as he's wandering off and ready for a cup of tea... Only later in the day when someone calls with shopping or something do I notice what I look like... Someone who has been rough sleeping.. Including hair which I ptobably haven't brushed.. Make up a thing of the past...:(
     
  14. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    121
    I know what you mean Linton, I used to love buying new makeup & clothes, I’ve just lost the inclination nowadays and it’s a case of doing the bare minimum so as not to frighten children if we have to go out! :eek: and your hubby is further down the line than mine, so god knows what I’ll look like by then.xx
     
  15. Linton

    Linton Registered User

    Jul 27, 2019
    124
    Think I frightened myself getting a glimpse of an unfamiliar woman In the mirror.. Years older than me.. Good job going out is a fare treat.. My OH though always looks neat and tidy....!!!!! :cool:
     
  16. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    121
    Hmmm strange isn’t it how they look so much better than we do o_O
    My OH still manages a shave (no wash though) trouble is he keeps leaving the bathroom mirror on the magnifying side, frighten myself to death, until I realise!:eek: xx
     
  17. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    541
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    My husband can still use his electric razor but I wouldn't go so far as to call it having a shave, just shows the razor to his face. That's when we can find his razor. It took me half an hour this morning to find where he'd left it.
     
  18. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,650
    Dad shaves often, about 3 times a day with his electric razor. He rarely has a wash though.
     
  19. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    279
    Oh Linton, dont you think maybe time for a care home? I am seriously thinking its not far off for my OH. I also get terrible broken nights, but I can at least leave him to go out for a few hours, and he isn't incontinent yet. I know it costs a small fortune but this needs weighing against the toll on our health of sleep deprivation and stress.
     
  20. Linton

    Linton Registered User

    Jul 27, 2019
    124
    Hi Roseleigh.. Thanks for the reply.. I know I have to think about it in the future.. Can't bear it though... Last nigh every hour my OH asked me the time... Then at four wants to get up.. I gently explained how tired I was and that my days were full of 'heavy' work with all the help he needs... He was so sweet.. Saying tonight would be different now he knows.. I had put the guilt on him... So now I feel dreadful... Really nasty person cause I know he can't help it...!!!!!
     

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