Turning me into a nasty person!

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Fishgirl, Sep 14, 2019.

  1. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,586
    Just popped the book into my amazon basket.
     
  2. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    101
    Must have been something in the air last night because my OH went to bed at 8 o’clock and for the first time in months didn’t insist on me going as well, he did shout down a couple of times, I said I’m just letting the dog out, and that was it till 11.30 (bliss) but then I got worried and went upstairs to check he was actually still breathing!:rolleyes: x
     
  3. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    101
    Snap me too:)x
     
  4. Linton

    Linton Registered User

    Jul 27, 2019
    115
    Great Fishgirl.. If only we could bottle it... Don't thi k it will be repeated tonight.. But I live in hope.... :)
     
  5. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    101
    Haha, if only we could! We’d be multi millionaires overnight :)
    Yeah I’m hoping for a repeat tonight, bought myself a bottle of wine on the strength of it! ;)
     
  6. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,614
    Now that’s just tempting fate!
    Xx
     
  7. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    101
    I know, I thought that when I posted it, but at least it’ll ease the blow if it doesn’t!;) xx
     
  8. Linton

    Linton Registered User

    Jul 27, 2019
    115
    Anything that helps gets my vote:p
     
  9. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,614
    Just unearthed a bottle of Malbec, yep I am going to open it!!!
    Cheers
    X
     
  10. Herecomestrouble

    Herecomestrouble Registered User

    Dec 11, 2018
    15
    It is so hard isn’t it and you describe it so well. I do sometimes gets brief glimpses of the man that my husband used to be, but they are fleeting and actually make me feel worse because it is such a painful reminder of what he was like and what I / we have lost. He is sometimes aware of how things have changed, but more on the physical front. Mentally he doesn’t seem to be aware of what has changed and will do crazy things believing them to be perfectly okay, despite the chaos that gathers around him. I can now see why care homes are such empty looking places , at least those areas that residents can access. I hate the idea that my husband might ever live in one.
    Caring for anyone in this situation is hard, but when it is a long term partner, there is a different quality to the loss , and I think that the sense of separation/loss of that close bond is responsible for much of the anger that we ( I!) feel, even if it comes out at more day to day frustrations and irritations .
    Warm regards,
     
  11. Herecomestrouble

    Herecomestrouble Registered User

    Dec 11, 2018
    15
    Feeling tearful ...you all know the score so I won’t bore you with details, and will get straight to a different point...
    Have been wondering re the feasibility of renting a whole youth hostel, or some such, for a group of us people living with and caring for someone with dementia., together with our loved ones. The idea being
    We would get to stay in a nice place
    We wouldn’t have to worry re what other guests might think ( there wouldn’t be any)
    We could cook according to any and every need
    We would have each other’s company and support
    Some of the carers could go out for a walk or whatever whilst the rest stayed with the PWD, doing whatever is possible at base, then swop over another day
    Etc
    A kind of very short term community living scheme,

    Am aware that some PWD might find the whole thing too disorientating and confusing, esp if their carer was not immediately available...

    What does anyone think?
     
  12. Herecomestrouble

    Herecomestrouble Registered User

    Dec 11, 2018
    15
     
  13. Herecomestrouble

    Herecomestrouble Registered User

    Dec 11, 2018
    15
    On case of any misinderstanding, I would just like to add that care homes can be wonderful places and whether or not that, they are an essential part of care provision and we might all find ourselves in the position some day of having to make that difficult decision to jave our loved one accommodated in one, and there should be no shame or guilt or sense of failure in that. We all know what a difficult decision that would be, but being realistic, it can become impossible and maybe dangerous to keep on trying to cope at home. Sometimes I think my OH could be better off in such an establishment than having to cope with my impatience and frustration and bad temper, but we’ll see
     
  14. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    101
    Hi, ten years ago that would have sounded like the worst holiday in the world, now it sounds like Paradise, but for me it would be impossible because my OH won’t socialise at all now, and doesn’t want me to either, in fact he’d be perfectly happy if neither him nor me never left the house again. He only comes to the supermarket or walks the dog because he’s knows it’s absolutely necessary! But It’s good idea for anyone that could i do it.:) x
     
  15. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    101
    PS sorry feeling tearful, it’s horrible isn’t it, I had a couple of days like that this week, hope it passes soon.xx
     
  16. Herecomestrouble

    Herecomestrouble Registered User

    Dec 11, 2018
    15
    Thanks ...lack of sleep has a big part to play, but I never seem to be able to catch up
     
  17. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    504
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    I think there must be something in the air. As for two nights now my husband has taken himself to bed without waiting for me. Then this morning when I got up at six he has stayed in bed. I wonder how long this will last. I must encourage it.
     
  18. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    504
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    I sometimes think that too. He enjoys it when someone calls and loves to chat, even though it's the same thing over and over. They never stay long, I wonder why.
    But he often asks "what's happening today, anything?". I'm sure I must bore him.
     
  19. Linton

    Linton Registered User

    Jul 27, 2019
    115
    Just started reading 'The selfish pigs guide to caring'.. Hope I can find time to get through it... Never know how long I will have to myself in a day... Or even night ;)
     
  20. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    81
    I dip in and out of the forums a bit randomly but glad I did today as the book sounds interesting and I'll definitely be getting hold of a copy, so thank you.
    Apart from the nightmare of the whole 'caring for a partner with Alzheimer's business' what I'm having difficulty dealing with is the fact that it's only going to get worse and worse and worse and you've no idea how it's going to end or when. The cruelest of diseases.
     

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