Turning me into a nasty person!

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Fishgirl, Sep 14, 2019.

  1. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    1,391
    East of England
    It sounds absolutely wonderful @Roseleigh and just the sort of place I would like to find.
     
  2. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    469
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    Well I think I am turning into a nasty person. I had a personal message on Facebook from my sister saying that they are away on holiday for a few days but didn't want to advertise that fact on Facebook because of insurance. But she included a photo of the lovely scenery.
    I answered the message saying that I hoped they had a lovely time. I could have left it at that, but no, I had to add "we can't do holidays anymore". I feel mean and spiteful now, after all it's not her fault my husband has dementia. I went on just now to try and delete it but she's already seen it.
     
  3. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    180
    I really hope OH behaves nicely tomorrow and doesn't put them off accepting him!! :rolleyes:
    I intend 'selling' him the concept of what a lovely place it is before going, hoping to create positive anticipation!
     
  4. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    1,391
    East of England
    I too am trying to sell a lovely holiday to him, it worked last time so cross fingers for this time.
     
  5. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    180
    Is he going back to same place?
     
  6. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    1,391
    East of England
    Yes he is and the lady who came to see him at home to assess his needs had known him the last time. I can’t do any more to try and get him well looked after while I have a much needed break. I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown earlier this week but have settled down a bit now with the usual readjustment to his behaviour.
     
  7. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    39
    It's reassuring to read all these posts and see that we're all in similar situations - the really sad thing is that our beautiful relationships with our loved ones have to have this horrible end where we are bad tempered, frustrated, resentful, etc. And the personality of our loved one changes to that of a person we barely recognise. As someone said in one of the posts you could never have imagined that this was how your life was going to be. I try to remember the person he was, it gets more hazy, I would give anything just to have a couple of hours with the man that he used to be, to have the conversations that we used to have with the intelligent, caring person that he was. Now it's like looking after a self centred child who can't do anything for themselves and who thinks the world resolves around them and their needs!! When he's in chatty mood I have to listen to all the rambling nonsense, I simply can't understand what he's trying to say. He doesn't understand anything I'm trying to tell him - so I've stop telling him things because what's the point.
     
  8. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    180
    When he's in chatty mood I have to listen to all the rambling nonsense, I simply can't understand what he's trying to say. He doesn't understand anything I'm trying to tell him - so I've stop telling him things because what's the point.

    It's awful isn't it? I am often on point of telling him something he'll be interested to hear, usually about family, then stop because I know his brain will mangle it and spit it out in tangled globules over coming days, often causing him anxiety and driving me crazy as he goes on and on and on about it.
     
  9. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    98
    Hi Jenniferjean , you’re not turning nasty, we’re only human, why should we have to put a brave face on all the time just because we don’t want people to think CFC moaning all time when it’s not us that’s ill, I had a text earlier about going to a relatives housewarming party, so instead of making up some excuse like I usually do, I sent a rather long text back explaining exactly why I couldn’t go! I think they got a wake up call because I then got a text back offering support and help of any kind if I needed it! X
     
  10. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    1,391
    East of England
    Yesterday I found a photograph of my husband with his two sisters that I took 30 years ago. He looked so handsome upright and smiling between his two beloved sisters and I just wept for the man he was up to a couple of years ago. Now one sister is thousands of miles away and can’t come to see him and the other is a hundred miles away and hasn’t been to see him. Neither can face up to what has happened. So photographs can be very painful for me but he loves looking at them.
     
  11. kittle

    kittle Registered User

    Jan 15, 2011
    2
    leicestershire
    she may have meant well
     
  12. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,560
    Kent
    #92 Grannie G, Sep 17, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2019
    Of course she did.

    It didn`t help though because it was unsolicited advice from someone who didn`t have a clue.

    Carers who are worn to a shadow really do not need unpractical advice.
     
  13. PatAnn

    PatAnn Registered User

    Mar 6, 2019
    15
     
  14. PatAnn

    PatAnn Registered User

    Mar 6, 2019
    15
    Hi I know exactly how you feel going out for meals visiting family and friends just walking around Brighton window shopping all gone and having to look at holiday snaps and smile and say how lovely when all you want to say is why not us?and then yes the guilt why shouldn't other people enjoy their lives?surely we cant be the only people to think it?
     
  15. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    98
    Hi PatAnne,
    We are definitely not the only people to think it, that post struck a chord with many people! We are certainly not alone, and I don’t mean little green men!!:D :D
     
  16. PatAnn

    PatAnn Registered User

    Mar 6, 2019
    15
     
  17. PatAnn

    PatAnn Registered User

    Mar 6, 2019
    15
    Hi thank you for answering can I tell you a little about my life ?
     
  18. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    98
    Definitely! You can tell us all anything you like!:) Don’t hold back there’s nothing we haven’t coped with or heard on here! And nobody judges.xx
     
  19. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,020
    Yorkshire
    Certainly write whatever helps you Pat Ann ..... though please keep in mind to hold back on personal details to guard your anonymity
     
  20. Unhappy15

    Unhappy15 Registered User

    Feb 7, 2015
    130
     

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