• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Turning me into a nasty person!

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
831
0
Basingstoke, Hampshire
Well I think I am turning into a nasty person. I had a personal message on Facebook from my sister saying that they are away on holiday for a few days but didn't want to advertise that fact on Facebook because of insurance. But she included a photo of the lovely scenery.
I answered the message saying that I hoped they had a lovely time. I could have left it at that, but no, I had to add "we can't do holidays anymore". I feel mean and spiteful now, after all it's not her fault my husband has dementia. I went on just now to try and delete it but she's already seen it.
 

Roseleigh

Registered User
Dec 26, 2016
326
0
It sounds absolutely wonderful @Roseleigh and just the sort of place I would like to find.

I really hope OH behaves nicely tomorrow and doesn't put them off accepting him!! :rolleyes:
I intend 'selling' him the concept of what a lovely place it is before going, hoping to create positive anticipation!
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,731
0
81
East of England
I really hope OH behaves nicely tomorrow and doesn't put them off accepting him!! :rolleyes:
I intend 'selling' him the concept of what a lovely place it is before going, hoping to create positive anticipation!
I too am trying to sell a lovely holiday to him, it worked last time so cross fingers for this time.
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,731
0
81
East of England
Is he going back to same place?
Yes he is and the lady who came to see him at home to assess his needs had known him the last time. I can’t do any more to try and get him well looked after while I have a much needed break. I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown earlier this week but have settled down a bit now with the usual readjustment to his behaviour.
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
679
0
It's reassuring to read all these posts and see that we're all in similar situations - the really sad thing is that our beautiful relationships with our loved ones have to have this horrible end where we are bad tempered, frustrated, resentful, etc. And the personality of our loved one changes to that of a person we barely recognise. As someone said in one of the posts you could never have imagined that this was how your life was going to be. I try to remember the person he was, it gets more hazy, I would give anything just to have a couple of hours with the man that he used to be, to have the conversations that we used to have with the intelligent, caring person that he was. Now it's like looking after a self centred child who can't do anything for themselves and who thinks the world resolves around them and their needs!! When he's in chatty mood I have to listen to all the rambling nonsense, I simply can't understand what he's trying to say. He doesn't understand anything I'm trying to tell him - so I've stop telling him things because what's the point.
 

Roseleigh

Registered User
Dec 26, 2016
326
0
When he's in chatty mood I have to listen to all the rambling nonsense, I simply can't understand what he's trying to say. He doesn't understand anything I'm trying to tell him - so I've stop telling him things because what's the point.

It's awful isn't it? I am often on point of telling him something he'll be interested to hear, usually about family, then stop because I know his brain will mangle it and spit it out in tangled globules over coming days, often causing him anxiety and driving me crazy as he goes on and on and on about it.
 

Fishgirl

Registered User
Sep 9, 2019
137
0
Well I think I am turning into a nasty person. I had a personal message on Facebook from my sister saying that they are away on holiday for a few days but didn't want to advertise that fact on Facebook because of insurance. But she included a photo of the lovely scenery.
I answered the message saying that I hoped they had a lovely time. I could have left it at that, but no, I had to add "we can't do holidays anymore". I feel mean and spiteful now, after all it's not her fault my husband has dementia. I went on just now to try and delete it but she's already seen it.
Hi Jenniferjean , you’re not turning nasty, we’re only human, why should we have to put a brave face on all the time just because we don’t want people to think CFC moaning all time when it’s not us that’s ill, I had a text earlier about going to a relatives housewarming party, so instead of making up some excuse like I usually do, I sent a rather long text back explaining exactly why I couldn’t go! I think they got a wake up call because I then got a text back offering support and help of any kind if I needed it! X
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,731
0
81
East of England
I try to remember the person he was, it gets more hazy
Yesterday I found a photograph of my husband with his two sisters that I took 30 years ago. He looked so handsome upright and smiling between his two beloved sisters and I just wept for the man he was up to a couple of years ago. Now one sister is thousands of miles away and can’t come to see him and the other is a hundred miles away and hasn’t been to see him. Neither can face up to what has happened. So photographs can be very painful for me but he loves looking at them.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
72,409
0
Kent
she may have meant well

Of course she did.

It didn`t help though because it was unsolicited advice from someone who didn`t have a clue.

Carers who are worn to a shadow really do not need unpractical advice.
 
Last edited:

PatAnn

Registered User
Mar 6, 2019
35
0
Hi everyone, I know Dementia can turn the person with it into a different nasty person, but now my OH illness is turning me into one! Yesterday morning a neighbor called to pick up a parcel I’d taken in for her earlier in the week, she then proceeded to tell me what seemed like every detail of the wonderful holiday she and her husband had just been on, I felt like screaming at her to shut up and didn’t she know what I was going through! Then later in the day I got a text from my cousin showing them lounging by the pool in Mexico with cocktails in hand, I felt so resentful! Both couples are about our age ( early 70s) It’s not so much the holidays I resent as the fact that they can still enjoy life together! And now I feel guilty for being so jealous.
 

PatAnn

Registered User
Mar 6, 2019
35
0
Hi I know exactly how you feel going out for meals visiting family and friends just walking around Brighton window shopping all gone and having to look at holiday snaps and smile and say how lovely when all you want to say is why not us?and then yes the guilt why shouldn't other people enjoy their lives?surely we cant be the only people to think it?
 

Fishgirl

Registered User
Sep 9, 2019
137
0
Hi PatAnne,
We are definitely not the only people to think it, that post struck a chord with many people! We are certainly not alone, and I don’t mean little green men!!:D :D
 

Fishgirl

Registered User
Sep 9, 2019
137
0
Hi thank you for answering can I tell you a little about my life ?
Definitely! You can tell us all anything you like!:) Don’t hold back there’s nothing we haven’t coped with or heard on here! And nobody judges.xx
 

Unhappy15

Registered User
Feb 7, 2015
146
0
It's reassuring to read all these posts and see that we're all in similar situations - the really sad thing is that our beautiful relationships with our loved ones have to have this horrible end where we are bad tempered, frustrated, resentful, etc. And the personality of our loved one changes to that of a person we barely recognise. As someone said in one of the posts you could never have imagined that this was how your life was going to be. I try to remember the person he was, it gets more hazy, I would give anything just to have a couple of hours with the man that he used to be, to have the conversations that we used to have with the intelligent, caring person that he was. Now it's like looking after a self centred child who can't do anything for themselves and who thinks the world resolves around them and their needs!! When he's in chatty mood I have to listen to all the rambling nonsense, I simply can't understand what he's trying to say. He doesn't understand anything I'm trying to tell him - so I've stop telling him things because what's the point.