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Tsunami

Marjory

Registered User
Aug 2, 2011
11
Leeds.
So here l go again.
The tsunami of emotions hitting me.
On hearing that mum had passed away yesterday, the first wave of RELIEF hit me. Thank God that she was no longer suffering with this awful disease.
Followed by GUILT. How could l think that. Be relieved that mum had gone. Of course she was happy in her shrinking world.
Then the big one. PAIN. I'll never see her face again or hear that cheeky laugh.
ANGER's next to roll in. Why have l been robbed of someone so precious? My chats with her? Just sitting in her company? This time there's a new emotion. HATE. Hate of a virus that's robbed me of my mum. A virus that shouldn't even have been here.
I know in time, life becomes easier but for now l'll grieve for my mum but be consoled believing that she's back with my dad, busy catching up on seven years of gossip.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,454
Merseyside
I’m so sorry about your mum @Marjory. The emotions you describe are all perfectly normal & are truly a tsunami of grief. I wish you strength.
 

pixie2

Registered User
Jul 21, 2018
88
So here l go again.
The tsunami of emotions hitting me.
On hearing that mum had passed away yesterday, the first wave of RELIEF hit me. Thank God that she was no longer suffering with this awful disease.
Followed by GUILT. How could l think that. Be relieved that mum had gone. Of course she was happy in her shrinking world.
Then the big one. PAIN. I'll never see her face again or hear that cheeky laugh.
ANGER's next to roll in. Why have l been robbed of someone so precious? My chats with her? Just sitting in her company? This time there's a new emotion. HATE. Hate of a virus that's robbed me of my mum. A virus that shouldn't even have been here.
I know in time, life becomes easier but for now l'll grieve for my mum but be consoled believing that she's back with my dad, busy catching up on seven years of gossip.
Im the same about my mamAngry she caught virus. She was very strong. I believe feeling abandoned killed her more and im so feeling guilty
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,304
69
Dundee
I’m sorry for your loss @Marjory.

The emotions you describe are so natural. As you say time will make things a little less intense but now you have to just ’go with the flow’ and let your emotions out. I’m glad you’re sharing here as you’ll get lots of understanding and support.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,870
South coast
Im so sorry for your loss
Yes, all of these emotions are part of the grieving process. Just let them come and be gentle with yourself.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
1,930
@Marjory so sorry that this happened to your mum. Dad died in February and I remember the first emotion of huge relief. A tsunami is a good way to describe it. It washed over me like a huge wave and I was glad that dad was finally at peace after his long illness. This was followed by a big black cloud of grief and guilt.

It is perfectly normal to feel like you do. I have had the guilt and the pain too and even now after four months the same feelings resurface time and time again but I find that now I am remembering the old dad more and more and there are more good memories than bad. I remember just how funny he was and how quick witted he could be. I have spent many hours sorting photographs and memories (I have plenty of time) the illness is starting to take a back seat.

You will feel better eventually although it takes time. I have a house to empty and that helps. As I sort through dads life and his adventures (he had a very good life) I am rediscovering the man he used to be and that helps. There is still a feeling of loss and unfairness though that resurfaces but I am learning to deal with that and look ahead with some hope now that things will be okay.

Take your time and accept your feelings. Wishing you lots of strength to get through.
 

Marjory

Registered User
Aug 2, 2011
11
Leeds.
So here l go again.
The tsunami of emotions hitting me.
On hearing that mum had passed away yesterday, the first wave of RELIEF hit me. Thank God that she was no longer suffering with this awful disease.
Followed by GUILT. How could l think that. Be relieved that mum had gone. Of course she was happy in her shrinking world.
Then the big one. PAIN. I'll never see her face again or hear that cheeky laugh.
ANGER's next to roll in. Why have l been robbed of someone so precious? My chats with her? Just sitting in her company? This time there's a new emotion. HATE. Hate of a virus that's robbed me of my mum. A virus that shouldn't even have been here.
I know in time, life becomes easier but for now l'll grieve for my mum but be consoled believing that she's back with my dad, busy catching up on seven years of gossip.
I thought losing dad with dementia would mean l was prepared when mum passed. But it doesn't. Your relationship with each parent is unique and so will the grief be.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
796
Hi @Marjory, my condolences on your Mum's passing. I think that roller coaster of emotions that you have experienced are to be expected. The passing of a loved one with dementia is complicated, and that feeling of relief and guilt are only too common, and when you are so close to that loved one the sadness and pain that has to follow - a different sadness that you have probably experienced for some time as the disease progressed.

I thought losing dad with dementia would mean l was prepared when mum passed. But it doesn't. Your relationship with each parent is unique and so will the grief be.
I can totally concur with this, I went through the same with both parents, first Dad then 7 years later Mum. Both very different, and when I think about it to a certain extent it was probably due to the fact Mum was there when Dad passed and we managed as a family. It felt very hollow when Mum passed.

Take care of yourself. I hope you have some support around you.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,454
Merseyside
I thought losing dad with dementia would mean l was prepared when mum passed. But it doesn't. Your relationship with each parent is unique and so will the grief be.
Also, once the second parent passes you get that awful orphan feeling.