trying to pretend --

[Taffy]

thegirlingreen

i wish some of the staff where i work shared your views and had your love

Hello, Welcome to TP. Unfortunately, not all that work in the dementia field are dedicated, but, people like yourself do make a difference. I am sure that this forum will give you great insight and any questions you may have will be gladly answered. I wish you well in the future Taffy.

 

[Skye]

Bel, love, you have been so strong for so long, and have tried to protect your family. Now you need support from them.

Taffy has given you good advice. Does Bob want to know? Is it important to him to have a label?

From what you've posted, it doesn't sound like it. Dhiren really wanted to know, and to find out more about his illness, so Sylvia told him. John has never asked me anything, and relies on me to do the best for him, so we've never discussed it.

There's no right or wrong way, you know best how Bob feels, and you're doing a great job. It's not up to your family.

They should also be tole that ven if Bob is told, there is nothing he can do to change things, so telling him just wouldn't help.

Take care, love, and stay strong.

Love,

 

[Skye]

Hi girlingreen, welcome to TP. I hope you'll continue to post, you will be able to advise us, and hopefully we'll be able to answer some of your questions.

All the best,

 

[bel]

bob never has and still does not want to know

going back 3 years when we had to sell our house cos bob could no longer work
i being me needed to know about fld so i could do the best i could do for bob
they gave me a lot of info some of which was info for bob about alz i would not push it but told him its there if he wants to know
he does not want to know --at all and i have to respect his wishes
love bel x

 

[Taffy]

he does not want to know --at all and i have to respect his wishes
love bel x

Dear bel,
Obviously, you care very much for Bob and you have his best interests at heart. You are definitely doing the right thing since Bob has no desire to know what is wrong with him. He trusts you and is comfortable with the situation. Just bear with your family they mean no harm, it's just poor understanding on their part. Continue on bel, doing it your way as it seems to be working out for you. Take Care. Taffy.

 

[Grannie G]

Dear bel.

If Bob does not want to know, it would be cruel to tell him. Of course you are right to respect his wishes.

It just puts so much more strain on you.

Take care

Love xx

 

[Margaret W]

To Sunset

Oh my love, you have a lot on your plate. Don't try to solve everyone's problems at once. Look at those who are safe and don't "need" you, and leave them to it, then see to those who do need you, and last but not least, see to yourself.

Love

Margaret

 

[bel]

yet another test of pretend

thanks all in advance before i start rambling
bob wanted to paint garage doors green went and got what he said was right paint---set alarm early wanted to get a coat on first thing and finish it in one day
came down after washing up the stuff had ran off the doors
i read the tin it neede to go on un treateted surfaces etc we waited all day for it to dry still trying to run shop -
pretend not a problem we will undercoat it tommorrow and start again
love bel x

 

[elaineo2]

Hi bel,i undersatnd how you must be feeling.my dad has days like that,he gets out the apaint brush and heavens knows what he will do.he will sit and watch the same dvd all day over.mum despairs of him.All i will say that at the end of the day,has the paint done anyone any harm,is him watching the dvd causing anyone any harm.he could be aggressive?which do you prefer for now?I know its easy for me to say as i don't live with it (yet).but the times when they are getting on you nerves,just think that other have it worse ,your time may come to "have it worse" but for now these paintings and dvds aren't important so make the most of them whilst you can.take care and best widhes elainex

 

[Taffy]

pretend not a problem we will undercoat it tommorrow and start again

Dear Bel, you have a wonderful attitude and so patient with Bob I know that this must be very tiring for you with the shop and all. Bob is so lucky to have you in his life. I hope all goes well with the undercoat and you finally get your green garage door. Take Care. Taffy.

 

[Grannie G]

Dear bel.

I was dusting round yesterday and the arm fell of one of my ornaments. It had been replaced very carefully, but was minus the hand. `No-one` knew how the arm had broken.

So what! It`s only a thing, it isn`t a person. So I`ve stuck the arm back on [minus the hand, which we couldn`t find anywhere] and the ornament is back in place.

The garage doors are only things, and anyone can make a mistake by not reading instructions.

It`s just that you hurt so much for Bob, each mistake is a knife in your side.

Love xx

 

[bel]

green paint

it worked in the end
shop looks good out side i keep teling bob as we come in
he finds so many little jobs hard now i need to praise him when it goes right

love bel x

 

[connie]

Bel.......you really are Wonderwoman, how you handle Bob.

You have my undying admiration. Take care now, love Con.

 

[bel]

pretend

thanks all
we are now going to france wales scotland etc

until i can find a way around it
love bel x

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Bel.

So are we, we`re also going to China.

My way round it is we have to save up first, and I have to lose some weight, so I`m fit to travel.

Love xx

 

[bel]

some of the pretending has to stop i am not going to be able to cope much longer

i am in so much pain re osteo arthritus and perosis
i am waiting for scan re op
but i cant continue to work shop my thumbs and my hips have gone
i try to carry on cos we need the money and i love my job
but when i gave a really bad day even my pretending dosnt work
bob then cant cope he gets angry
and nasty cos he does not want to see me in pain and there is nothing he can do
i undestand how he feels but i have to pretend its getting better to calm him down
love bel x

 

[connie]

Dear bel, you are right. Some of the pretending WILL have to stop.

I guess you will need more help and back up though, before you will give in.

What is the situation now re 'outside help'?

Feel for you, sending a big {{{{{{HUG}}}} love Connie

 

[Skye]

Dear bel

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. It must be so difficult to work with flowers when your joints are so painful.

I do hope you're managing to get some help. You've done so much to support Bob, but you can't manage on your own if you're in constant pain.

Love and hugs,

 

[lesmisralbles]

I am going to sound cruel

There comes a time when the pretence cannot go on.
When you are told, by hubby, I would not have done that, why am I doing that.
Tell the truth, I told hubby tonight he had poo--- all over the bathroom floor, not for the first time today. I did not tell him in a cruel way, I told him like he was a little boy who had made a mistake, and that it was OK, and we would find a way round it. He alway's told me, after he saw his Mum die from Alzheimers, tell me, tell me, do not pretend. He wanted to be pointed in the direction of holding his dignity for as long as possible. So I will uphold his wishes. For other's, like me, well, I do not want to know. I had alway's over the year's refered to IT as happy - daft, (stupid me). Because we never think it will happem to us, or, our's.
Well it does happen to US.
I cannot pretend, as Ron and I will still be going on holiday to Cyprus, as we have done for the past twelve year's, and the people we have met, who live there, and some are very good friend's, well they understand, and Ron in whatever form he is,will be welcome.
We all cope in our own way, and yes, I am no angel, I shout somtimes, at me. I cry, what good is that going to do ? I have bag's under bag's under my eyes, I feel like I am 90, hope I look like 55, in my dream's. BUT I HOPE.
That is all there is HOPE, LOVE AND CHARITY.
Barb X

 

[Grannie G]

Dear bel.

Perhaps Bob gets angry because he is frightened.

What will happen to him if you are ill? What will happen to him if you aren`t there to look after him?

It sounds as if it`s time to get some care organized for Bob, in case of emergencies.

I know how hard it is for you, but you are so unselfish, this is the first time I`ve heard you have health problems of your own. And they are not the kind of health problems to go away.

I`m rally sorry you are finding the shop too hard to run. I know how much you love it and wish I could think of a way to help.

Love xx