Trying to get out of car

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by blueviolet, Jul 11, 2015.

  1. blueviolet

    blueviolet Registered User

    Mar 1, 2015
    19
    Just had the most horrendous 40 minute journey with my husband. After meeting my daughter and grandchildren for a a lovely afternoon we started the drive home and my husband became very agitated and distressed and started shouting that he wanted to get out of the car and wanted me to stop. He tried several times to open the door but I managed to stop him. I dare not stop as I knew he would get out and I would never get him back in as he becomes so strong in this kind of mood. I tried to talk calmly to him but I could see he was in another place and there was no way I could get through to him. We are now safely home but I am a nervous blubbering wreck and he has no recollection of the whole thing. I just needed to talk and vent my feelings. Has anyone experienced a similar situation.
     
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,947
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm sorry you've had this experience. It must be very scary. My husband hasn't done that but o know of others who have experienced this.

    Would he sit in the back seat with the child locks on? My car doesn't have child locks on the front doors. When we are going to travel any distance I've got him to sit in the back. Luckily he has been happy to do this. Perhaps your husband wouldn't accept that.
     
  3. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    19,277
    Male
    North Manchester
    You can get seat belt guards that make it difficult to undo the seatbelt, usually advertised for children , bit busy with other things to find a link just now.

    If sitting in the back best position is not behind the driver.
     
  4. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
    19,036
    Durham
  5. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,947
    Female
    Dundee
  6. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    I haven't had that experience but my husband's carer who takes him out asked me if B had ever opened the car door while travelling as apparently he tried to open the carers car door on the motorway. Quite worried when we go out now in case he does it while he's with me. Sorry you had such a scary experience.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,895
    Kent
    Hello blueviolet

    I have in a different situation, but still comparable.

    My husband was in the car, sitting in the front passenger seat while my sister was driving. I was in the back with my cousin.

    My husband tried to open the door , we were on the motorway, and said `You can drop me off here.`

    I believe he didn`t know where we were or where we were going. Perhaps your husband was confused and didn`t know where you were taking him.
     
  8. karen.b

    karen.b Registered User

    Jul 10, 2015
    13
    yes several times now, I'm scared to go long journeys with him in the car when I'm on my own . I only go short necessary journey's with him. I've also made a safety thing to put on the safety belt to stop him pressing on the red bit to open it.I made it from a plastic lid ,made two slits in it one for the belt and one over the red bit that releases the belt ,i push the car key through it to release the belt.
     
  9. Amber 3

    Amber 3 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2015
    38
    South Devon
    My husband has recently started to get very agitated in the car but it takes the form of cursing and shouting at other drivers. Also telling me to drive through red lights etc. ! :eek: he has a fit if I give way to other drivers but when he was well he used to give way all the time...Used to be a driving instructor many years ago so perhaps thinks he is on a driving lesson !! :confused::confused:
     
  10. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    Fred went through this too. My car doors can be locked from the driver's side so that was the first thing I did when we were both in the car but couldn't stop him undoing his seat belt - wish I had known about the auto belt locks as we used to have to make several stops on a journey to do them up again but at least I knew he couldn't get out of the car which he had tried to do quite frequently.
     
  11. blueviolet

    blueviolet Registered User

    Mar 1, 2015
    19
    Thanks for all your very useful comments and supportive messages. I have calmed down a bit now but it is just getting my head around all the changes that are going on with my husband. Every day I wake and wonder what is ahead of me.
     
  12. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,947
    Female
    Dundee
    Just remember that this is the place to come to offload, ask for advice, share how you're feeling, ask questions etc etc. there will always be someone around to support you.
     
  13. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    My Dr has told me not to take my hubby out in the car anymore, as it could be very dangerous, as he has started to get very agitated, he is on new medication which has calmed him down, if something did happen l woundn't be able to forgive my self.
     
  14. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    3,653
    south-east London
    I experienced something similar but on a much milder scale a couple of years back.

    I was driving my family home from Scotland back to London and somewhere along the way my husband decided that he no longer wanted to wear his seatbelt as we were driving at speed down the motorway. He didn't try to get out the car but kicked up a bit of fuss over the whole seatbelt wearing issue.

    Fortunately he was sitting in the back with my daughter who managed to put the seatbelt back on him and calm him down a bit until we could get off and take a break at the next service station.

    I resolved then and there that I would never take him on a long journey again unless I had someone in the back seat to sit with him to keep an eye on the seatbelt situation.

    It must have been such a frightening experience for you and I can well imagine how distressing it must have been.

    Fortunately this was just a one off situation for me but it made me aware that that it could happen again at any time - including on shorter journeys when he is sitting alongside me in the front passenger seat.

    Luckily I can lock all doors just from the driver's door button and my husband does not remember how to pull the button up on his door to unlock it, so at least I know that he can't suddenly get out of the car as we are driving along.

    It is helpful to know about the seatbelt guards - that is something I'll definitely be looking into myself.
     
  15. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    534
    Scotland
    I don't drive so have not experienced this but very important, as has been said,

    If sitting in the back best position is not behind the driver.
     
  16. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    839
    Fife Scotland
    I'm worried mother will do that one day...............as she opens the glove compartment and always is looking in the vanity mirror, she likes the fact it slides open and shut.
     
  17. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,947
    Female
    Dundee
  18. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,815
    UK
    My mum did this a few times last summer, it started with her clicking seat belt in and out, but bad time was while driving on A1, she kept asking me to stop the car, wanting to get out and then suddenly she opened the passenger door. After that I insisted she sat in the back and child locks on. I no longer take her on long car journey's, even though her Dementia has moved on she can still get anxious if we are in the car too long. See does not play with the seat belts anymore, this like other obsessions have been replaced with something else.
     

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