Trying to get help for Mum and Dad without success

[BlueJellybean]

My poor mum is going through it at the moment, her dad, my granddad died, add that to caring for her husband, my dad with no outside help, apart from me & my partner who work full time. She is not sleeping, is on antidepressants, and I have tried to call Crossroads, a support network who can help for 3 hrs a week. I called them 10 weeks ago and they told be 3 weeks. I called them 4 weeks ago and they told me 4 weeks, and now I have chased them again and they have said they will call me back and that was 4 days ago!!, I have rung my dad's social support, and again have waiting 3 weeks for a response and when I rang again yesterday they said she would call me back and I am still waiting!! I am at my wits end for my poor mum, she is exhausted, and run down, and it seems that all these support groups are all to busy to help. I just don't know what to do.

She rings me at least 10 times a day for a bit of support, which I really don't mind, but I am at work, and just can't give her all the time she needs. Please someone suggest to me what I can do, I am really worried about her.

 

[ITBookworm]

Sadly it seems that it is those that shout loudest get the most help I would phone the social work department daily, at a minimum, until you get to a reasonable response. When you do speak to a social worker I would lay it on reasonably thickly about how your poor Mum is not coping at the moment. Don't outright lie but definitely tell it as it is on the worst day rather than the best.

If someone comes out to speak to your Mum make sure that she doesn't say that she is 'coping' because if it looks like the council might not have to help they will accept that at face value and offer nothing!

Good luck.

 

[Pottypeg]

I agree with ITBookworm, you need to become a pebble in their shoe, and as said, if they ask for info, tell them how bad it gets, even start keeping a diary of all that happens, then you have something to show. Tell mum not to say she can cope, they will let her till she is ill herself, come back here regularly and ask as many questions as you like.

 

[angecmc]

Hi sorry to hear about what your poor Mum is going through, I agree that you should call SS back again, tell them your Mum is in danger of carer breakdown and that your Dad will then be a vulnerable adult and if this happens you will hold SS responsible, tell them youare also putting this in writing, obviously do this as it is your proof and they cannot ignore it if its in writing, and you want a call back within the hour. If they dont then call back, ring again and keep ringing until you get a response, as has been said it is those who shout loudest that get help. You may have to set aside a day to sort this out, I would also think about contacting your MP and mention this to them too. They will probably try to say there are people worse off than your parents, you then tell them you are sorry for them but your parents are your priority and they must sort things out for your Mum. Good luck xx

Ange

 

[BlueJellybean]

Thank you for all of your positive comments, I have booked tomorrow off work to ring SS continusouly until I get a positive response. I think we all understand that there are people worse off, and I jus hope that they are not getting brushed off too. You guys on here are truly wonderful. This site is just brilliant for a bit of a boost or advice

THANK YOU . xxx

 

[kingmidas1962]

Good luck - it can be hard to get your voice heard. There seem to be various phrases that get SS moving - things like 'carer breakdown', 'vulnerable adult' etc etc.

There should also be an emergency number for your local authority - if they're dragging their heels suggest that you will have to start ringing that to get attention as you are reaching a crisis (another good word to use)

Let us know how it goes xxxxx

 

[angecmc]

Hi, glad to hear you are phoning ss again, want to wish you luck and tell you to stay strong and insist they must help your poor Mum, let us know how it goes xx

Ange

 

[BlueJellybean]

Hi Everyone, thank you again for your support, I spoke to SS, I was strong, made my point, and told the raw truth about mom, and AMAZINGLY, the SS and the local relief scheme are meeting my mom and dad on Thursday to arrange dates and times for a sitting service that can start straight away, A day centre in their town, that the SS is going to take them to on Friday to introduce them to some friends. you guys gave me the strength to keep going and THANKYOU for helping me get there.

It's a long old road, but with great people with you, it can be the journey easier.
THANK YOU.

 

[angecmc]

Well done you, proud of you Hope your Mum now gets the help she fully deserves, it can make so much difference. Also, SS now know you mean business because all these calls get logged and they will see that you will not give up.xx

Ange

 

[Lovetosing]

Well done. Sadly, it is tenacity that pays off which is a desperate situation for those who aren't able to be so dogged. I have been in a similar situation where my mom was at crisis point and I needed social worker intervention which was dragging on so I resorted to the very same actions as people have suggested here,stating if they could not get my dad an extra day in the day care centre then they could look for a week's respite instead with immediate effect. My genuine tears of frustration and helplessness probably helped too. We got what was required within a week of this final plea.

There is lots of support out there if only people knew where to go for it. If you are not in touch with a dementia advisor or community psychiatric nurse they might be of help too. For us, first stop was GP who referred to Consultant Psychiatrist who referred to the Dementia Adviser who told us of various other support services and whom I called upon for help in getting dad his second day centre day. Good luck and I wish you much strength to keep fighting for whatever is needed for your family. Every little bit of help you can get is worth it.

Hi Everyone, thank you again for your support, I poke to SS, I was strong, made my point, and told the raw truth about mom, and AMAZINGLY, the SS and the local relief scheme are meeting my mom and dad on Thursday to arrange dates and times for a sitting service that can start straight away, A day centre in their town, that the SS is going to take them to on Friday to introduce them to some friends. you guys gave me the strength to keep going and THANKYOU for helping me get there.

It's a long old road, but with great people with you, it can be the journey easier.
THANK YOU.