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trying to get a diagnosis for my dad


Registered User
May 20, 2008
hello everyone
I have just registered on the forum. My father is displaying all the signs of Alzheimer's (I remember it well from my grandmother) but refuses to have an assessment. My mother is 76 and had a heart attack two years ago so is finding it very hard to care for him. I live over 200 miles away as do my sisters and we go when we can but it is very difficult for her on a daily basis. Furthermore he is incapable of managing his finances (he keeps losing bank books, cards etc.) but refuses to have a joint account with my mother so she can buy food etc. with a debit card. Does anyone have any advice on what we can do to make things easier for my mother? I'm especially worried as he is beginning to get aggressive with her and I can see she is getting depressed about her situation.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Catherine.

It would help if you and your sisters could arrange to see your parents` GP and explain the situation they find themselves in.

If you make a note of all your concerns, even though the GP may not be able to discuss the issues with you, s/he will note your concerns and advise on future action.

Please post and update. It is a dreadful worry when ailing parents live a good distance away.


Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
Hi Catherine

My sympathies on this distressing situation.
I would 'second' Sylvia's suggestion about bringing Dad's GP up to date with information. If it's difficult to arrange a visit, put it in writing.
In fact I would put it in writing anyway, partly to be able to leave it with the Dr but also because it would enable you to marshall your thoughts, check it over & add anything you might have missed when you're NOT in an emotionally-charged meeting. Don't use it instead of verbal expression of your concerns, but as 'back-up'. It could save you coming away thinking "Oh I should have mentioned this, and that ..." (as I have done - voice of experience!)

On the finances front, would it be possible for one of you (sisters) to open a joint account with Mum?
She could then get her pension paid into this, and at least have access to that.

Best wishes


Registered User
May 20, 2008
Dear Sylvia and Lynne
Thanks so much for your support. My mum has had a meeting with the doctor after my dad's refusal to have an assessment and it seems the doctor can't force him to even though he is well aware of my dad's extreme confusion. Anyway, I think you are right that I should try and speak to the doctor myself and find out what we should do. Just spoke to my mum as it's her birthday (we are all going up tomorrow) and she is really depressed as she couldn't get dad to get dressed and leave the house. Anyway hopefully the family being there for the weekend will cheer her up. By the way, do you know what the situation is regarding bank accounts if a person cannot manage their finances - who decides for example that my dad must hand over responsibility of his finances to my mum? does he have to be diagnosed with alzheimers for that to happen?
Thanks again for your kind words


Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
N E England
Is there a Power of Attorney at all? Ask your Mum maybe they left one at the solicitors. I do hope there is as it will make things so much easier.


Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
south lanarkshire
Hi Catherine

If you don't already have power of attornay (sp), in place, if I were you, I would see to this, ASAP
Your Mum and either you or your sister can be attornies (sp)

Wish TP had spell check!!



Registered User
Jan 31, 2008
Soldiers Grove
sorry for your issues but can relate

I can understand what you are going through. As I felt like you do now back about 10 months ago now. My mom lived many miles away, and in a different state. She was having many issues with bills, and finances and health. Finally, was intervened by some concerned people and we got her the help she needed. But had to deal with getting her finances straightened out, and find a place for her to live to be protected. Plus, one thing to remember is to make sure that there is a will in place, plus concerns about funeral arrangements. I thought these were all in place and they were not. So had to make arrangements for all those plus the power of attorney and the guardianship too. Just want to help you in any way, as I know what stress I went through, but thank God I had my spouse to help me through some of the stuff. But there are also the court issues to deal with, maybe if the person is alone, not sure if there is still another person(spouse) to handle those other issues. Hope you find some peace of mind, heart, body and soul through this time dealing with your parents issues right now. Sam