1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

trying to get a diagnosis for my dad

Discussion in 'Memory concerns and seeking a diagnosis' started by catherinemarkey, May 20, 2008.

  1. catherinemarkey

    catherinemarkey Registered User

    May 20, 2008
    2
    hello everyone
    I have just registered on the forum. My father is displaying all the signs of Alzheimer's (I remember it well from my grandmother) but refuses to have an assessment. My mother is 76 and had a heart attack two years ago so is finding it very hard to care for him. I live over 200 miles away as do my sisters and we go when we can but it is very difficult for her on a daily basis. Furthermore he is incapable of managing his finances (he keeps losing bank books, cards etc.) but refuses to have a joint account with my mother so she can buy food etc. with a debit card. Does anyone have any advice on what we can do to make things easier for my mother? I'm especially worried as he is beginning to get aggressive with her and I can see she is getting depressed about her situation.
    Thanks
    Catherine
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,584
    Kent
    Hello Catherine.

    It would help if you and your sisters could arrange to see your parents` GP and explain the situation they find themselves in.

    If you make a note of all your concerns, even though the GP may not be able to discuss the issues with you, s/he will note your concerns and advise on future action.

    Please post and update. It is a dreadful worry when ailing parents live a good distance away.
     
  3. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Hi Catherine

    My sympathies on this distressing situation.
    I would 'second' Sylvia's suggestion about bringing Dad's GP up to date with information. If it's difficult to arrange a visit, put it in writing.
    In fact I would put it in writing anyway, partly to be able to leave it with the Dr but also because it would enable you to marshall your thoughts, check it over & add anything you might have missed when you're NOT in an emotionally-charged meeting. Don't use it instead of verbal expression of your concerns, but as 'back-up'. It could save you coming away thinking "Oh I should have mentioned this, and that ..." (as I have done - voice of experience!)

    On the finances front, would it be possible for one of you (sisters) to open a joint account with Mum?
    She could then get her pension paid into this, and at least have access to that.

    Best wishes
     
  4. catherinemarkey

    catherinemarkey Registered User

    May 20, 2008
    2
    Dear Sylvia and Lynne
    Thanks so much for your support. My mum has had a meeting with the doctor after my dad's refusal to have an assessment and it seems the doctor can't force him to even though he is well aware of my dad's extreme confusion. Anyway, I think you are right that I should try and speak to the doctor myself and find out what we should do. Just spoke to my mum as it's her birthday (we are all going up tomorrow) and she is really depressed as she couldn't get dad to get dressed and leave the house. Anyway hopefully the family being there for the weekend will cheer her up. By the way, do you know what the situation is regarding bank accounts if a person cannot manage their finances - who decides for example that my dad must hand over responsibility of his finances to my mum? does he have to be diagnosed with alzheimers for that to happen?
    Thanks again for your kind words
    Catherine
     
  5. Chrissyan

    Chrissyan Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    570
    N E England
    Is there a Power of Attorney at all? Ask your Mum maybe they left one at the solicitors. I do hope there is as it will make things so much easier.
     
  6. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Catherine

    If you don't already have power of attornay (sp), in place, if I were you, I would see to this, ASAP
    Your Mum and either you or your sister can be attornies (sp)

    Wish TP had spell check!!

    Alfjess
     
  7. jimsandy

    jimsandy Registered User

    Jan 31, 2008
    16
    Soldiers Grove
    sorry for your issues but can relate

    I can understand what you are going through. As I felt like you do now back about 10 months ago now. My mom lived many miles away, and in a different state. She was having many issues with bills, and finances and health. Finally, was intervened by some concerned people and we got her the help she needed. But had to deal with getting her finances straightened out, and find a place for her to live to be protected. Plus, one thing to remember is to make sure that there is a will in place, plus concerns about funeral arrangements. I thought these were all in place and they were not. So had to make arrangements for all those plus the power of attorney and the guardianship too. Just want to help you in any way, as I know what stress I went through, but thank God I had my spouse to help me through some of the stuff. But there are also the court issues to deal with, maybe if the person is alone, not sure if there is still another person(spouse) to handle those other issues. Hope you find some peace of mind, heart, body and soul through this time dealing with your parents issues right now. Sam
     

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