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Trying to deal with this aka I miss my daddy

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Kristivazq, Jun 6, 2015.

  1. Kristivazq

    Kristivazq Registered User

    Jun 6, 2015
    As I struggle with the realities of my daddy's Alzheimers disease and his declining mental state I find that I am so angry. A well spring of anger, resentment and bitterness springs up in my soul that I didn't even know existed. And if one more person tells me that my Daddy is still here but just different I may just punch them in the face. My DADDY, the man I could talk to about anything, the strongest constant moral compass of my life, the loving protector, and hilarious jokester is gone! Yes, my father is physically here but Daddy is gone. In his place is a man who stumbles over everyday conversations and is having more and more hallucinations and dellusions. The man in my Daddy's body doesn't eat unless forced, can barely dress himself, and can't remember how to make the bed or brew a cup of coffee. Yes I will take what I can get from him, and the rare moments of clarity are more precious than diamonds, but why can't anyone understand the pain I feel over what I have lost? What Kate (4 years old) and the boys(14 years old) have lost? I'm sorry but I'm just ****ed! This isn't fair!
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    Welcome to TP Kristi.

    I understand as I feel exactly the same way. I feel robbed of my Dad.

    Keep posting here as you'll get lots of support.
  3. lesley1958

    lesley1958 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2015
    We that love my dad have been robbed of him and he has been robbed of the quiet enjoyment of his long and full life - because he can't remember most of it. Unhappiness and uncertainty instead when he tries.

    D**n right I am angry and resentful. It's so cruel and unfair. I guess the only way I can handle all that anger and resentment is to say to myself that it can't change anything and try to conserve the energy used up in that for helping my mum.

    It often doesn't work.

    Thinking of you x
  4. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Fife Scotland
    Thinking of you Kristi, my dad died of kidney cancer and for a whole 10months watched him die each day, you take care, girls miss their dads more than mums. He is always our first love.
  5. supporter1

    supporter1 Registered User

    Sep 14, 2012
    I miss my dad too... knowing that there is someone that has got your back when you need help or advice. It is just so unfair. I suppose the only saving grace is that my dad will give me a hug now which previously he would never have done being an old fashioned man ( he has just turned 90) .
  6. Summerheather

    Summerheather Registered User

    Feb 22, 2015
    At one point during caring for my Mum who has AD I remember crying and being hugged by my Mum because I wanted my Mum back - she'd just told me she didn't know who I was, it broke me.

    Alzheimer's is a evil, cruel, disease, I HATE IT!!
  7. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    Yes, I understand. Its a small death everyday. Death by a thousand loses. The worst disease imaginable and only those directly living it really get it.

    My Mum has alzheimers and is almost completely gone. I lost my Dad to cancer very quickly. Im glad I never saw him with AD. He was himself to the moment he left us.

    So sorry I cannot comfort you. Its not fair and you have every right to be angry. Let it out. We are here for you.
    Lots of love to you.

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