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trying to be brave

marmarlade

Registered User
Jan 26, 2015
183
hubby has been gone into care now 8 months the visits are great mostly and we can take him out now to our sons for the Saturday afternoons, he really enjoys this and asks as soon as we all turn up are we going,and he doesnt mind going back to the care home,i was so worried about that when we took him out first. but when i get back home on my own things really hit home and i seem to spend a lot of my time now getting upset just like when he went first,i say im ok but at times even i dont think im ok should i be so upset after all this time surely i should be getting used to it, but 52 years together i cant just forget knowing he will not come home again so putting on a brave face and carrying on
 

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
556
Scotland
I have not yet experience this as I still care for OH at home but there very likely will come a time when it will be necessary to think about CH/NH.

Eight months is no time at all compared to 52 years so it is still early days. I expect that the time you have your OH out on Saturdays visiting your son must seem so like what you would wish life to continue to be, as it used to be, so when you return home alone it hits you afresh every time.

You say that OH doesn't mind going back to care home so that's good as it indicates that he is happy there and that's something to hold on to but you need time to adjust.

Many others here on TP will know exactly what it like to feel as you do - trying to be brave.

Lilac xx
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
I'm sure we've all felt like this. Twenty, 30, 40, 50 years or more as part of a duo, and suddenly it's a solo performance. :( It's so hard, and I felt like you do when John was in a Care Home, but it's worse now he's gone.

I am an expert at nailing a smile on my face, but when I returned from the choir rehearsal, which I loved, the first person I wanted to tell was John. I think, whether your other half is in a Home, or has passed, it's hard not doing what has been natural for decades ie, sharing your thoughts and joys.
 

truth24

Registered User
Oct 13, 2013
5,725
North Somerset
I don't think that feeling will ever go away marmarlade. Still feel like at times after 13 months. I still wake up at night thinking I can hear him and, as Scarlett says, and it's so much worse for her, it's the loss of having them around to share things with.
 

reddollyfood

Registered User
Apr 28, 2015
36
Hi. I know exactly how you feel - I couldn't believe how badly I coped with that feeling of loneliness and the finality that my husband of 45 years will never live with me again. My GP was very helpful and arranged counselling (it was sort of grief counselling). I had never had any before but I've just finished it and it has helped me enormously - I thoroughly recommend it. It has taught me to concentrate on the great times and wonderful memories we had until he became ill and when I feel overwhelmed with grief I just think about one of those good memories and it helps me get over the attack. There is help for you out there so do ask for it. You have my sympathy!