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Trouble with other resident in the nursing home

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Ktynan, Mar 16, 2015.

  1. Ktynan

    Ktynan Registered User

    May 22, 2014
    20
    Hello,

    So mum went into full time residential care three weeks ago. We actually found a place that we liked and thought could be good for mum. She is still adjusting and settling in, but doesn't seem to hate it all over the time. Part of mums illness is that her anxiety levels are very high and she cries a lot. One of the other residents, has picked up on this and is shouting at mum and being verbally abusive. We took mum out for Mother's Day yesterday and on the journey home she mentioned this resident and some of things she'd been saying. The resident didn't know me and my brother were following mum into the communal lounge so we witnessed it first hand.

    We have reported it to staff but feel there is little they can do. I understand mums anxiety and crying could be irritating, but I hate the idea of someone being mean to her etc. and probably making it worse. I was wondering if anyone had experienced anything similar? Had any advice? Or if this is unfortunately just a part of this horrible illness and something we have to accept? Feeling very guilty at the moment for leaving her there, even though I know it's for the best.


    Thanks


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  2. starryuk

    starryuk Registered User

    Nov 8, 2012
    1,299
    I experienced something similar with my mum, except she would make remarks about someone else!:(
    The other lady did not have dementia which made it excruciatingly embarrassing when mum declared "Look at the state of that woman! Great fat bottom AND...she doesn't wear any knickers!" :eek: When we walked around the care home we kept well away from that lady, but mum could spot her a mile off. She stopped after a while and turned her attention to other things.

    You were right to let the staff know that your mum is anxious about this resident. They should keep them apart as much as possible. Hopefully the lady is reacting to your mum because she is a new resident and the behaviour will stop. Ask about the situation every time you visit to make sure the staff are dealing with it.

    I do hope your mum settles soon. It is such a horrible guilt inducing time isn't it, even though you know you are doing your best for her.
     
  3. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,497
    Female
    Near Southampton
    If it is a small care home I would think that the staff should be able to keep an eye on this other resident, though to separate her from your mother totally would be difficult.
    However, if it is a large home, then there should be a way of keeping the two ladies apart.
    The home does have a duty of care towards your mother and I would think it would be to their advantage to try to make your mother's life there easier as far as they are able.

    It must be distressing for you to see her so upset. I do hope it can somehow be resolved. Best of luck.
     
  4. tre

    tre Registered User

    Sep 23, 2008
    1,353
    Herts
    When my mum had been in the CH for a few weeks a lady who had previously been no problem suddenly started being mean to her. On one occasion I was reading to mum in one of the seating areas and this lady came and sat next to us and started to shout at me to shut up. We moved elsewhere despite the fact that no-one else had a problem, in fact some of the others were listening and friendly , only to find she moved too and continued to be abusive.
    The home saw what was going on, and despite it not being large, did their best to keep them apart. All the residents had dementia.
    I think that this lady very rarely had any visitors whereas my dad visited mum daily and my brother and I also went a few times a week. I think she picked on my mum because she was jealous of her visitors.
    This was sad because dad and I always made a point of conversing with some of the less visited residents and infact he continued to pop in weekly for about a year after mum had died to chat to some of the less visited ones. He told me that despite her having been rude when mum was alive, the difficult lady, Helen, was all sweetness and light when he visited after mum had died.
    Maybe this reident is jealous of the attention your mum is getting to try to help her settle in.
    Tre
     
  5. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,112
    Toronto, Canada
    I think Tre has hit the nail on the head and it is jealousy. I know there was a rather nasty old lady in the retirement home Mum was first in. She was unpleasant to just about everyone and I used to refer to her (privately, only with my husband of course) as the "Sea Hag". She had no friends or visitors

    Lo and behold, after a few months, she and Mum became friends and she became pleasant. She only needed some human contact.
     
  6. Ktynan

    Ktynan Registered User

    May 22, 2014
    20
    Thank you all for help and advice. I think we will get the home to monitor it and see if they both settle a little after time. Thank you :)


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