1. so unfair

    so unfair Registered User

    Mar 27, 2015
    9
    I have just woken up this morning looking to have a bit of a rant to get it off my chest. The problem is with my SIL, she has been completely uncaring and insensitive as soon as my MIL first showed signs of dementia. My MIL 81 has just been diagnosed with mixed dementia, vascular and alzheimer's last Wednesday and my SIL could not care less. The relationship between SIL and MIL has always been strained but the response from SIL has both angered and shocked me. Thank goodness I have a really close relationship with my own mother. SIL has turned round and said in phone calls "In my mind she's already dead!" and the other night "If we are going to put her in a home, hire a skip and throw all her stuff in it!" I do not know if there are other families going through this but I just feel that it is so unfair. Dementia is bad enough to deal with but then having this response from her own daughter is completely out of order! The other thing that makes me angry is the fact that she has offered no help in any of this and it is up to my hubby and I to sort everything out, care, appointment, phone calls the lot!:mad::mad:
     
  2. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,736
    North East Lincs
    #2 Grey Lad, Mar 27, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2015
    The name you have chosen sums it all up really. Dementia is 'so unfair' on the sufferer: they don't deserve this dreadful condition. It is also 'so unfair' on those family members who do all they can to help; whilst others let them get on with it and offer suggestions about how things should be done.
     
  3. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,908
    Female
    Scotland
    We all behave in ways that surprise us in relation to this disease but I am inclined to think that these extreme reactions are either fear or the beginnings of a lack of empathy which heralds dementia in later years.
     
  4. Suzanna1969

    Suzanna1969 Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    346
    Essex
    Jeez that is quite a shocking reaction. I would say that it's a knee-jerk grief response but the fact that their relationship has always been troubled means it could be many things.

    It could be that your SIL sees a lot of herself in your MIL (they might be too similar to get along!) and is fearful that the same fate awaits her. She might also be scared that the woman she previously saw as her adversary is now deteriorating - that can actually be very upsetting if their relationship had a difficult balance. People's reactions to a diagnosis of dementia can be quite diverse/weird. Still that doesn't change the huge pressure on you and your husband if she doesn't make any effort to help out.

    I found my local AGE UK were a great help when my mother was first diagnosed. Make them your first port of call along with the AS and, if your SIL shows a willingness to help, cautiously welcome her but don't be surprised if she retreats again for whatever reason.
     

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