Trip to London gone wrong

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by White Rose, Dec 5, 2019.

  1. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    257
    Sitting here in London Airbnb in tears because what was supposed to be a lovely trip to the Kew Gardens Christmas lights with my daughter and her boyfriend all went wrong. I now know my PWD and I can't go anywhere again, wish I could have come alone if only I could have found someone to look after him, instead I brought him thinking he would enjoy the trip. The travel aspect was an absolute nightmare as we ended up having to go on the tube. Then the whole way round the beautiful Kew Gardens event he was totally confused, complained, got angry with other people if they were in the way, showed no interest in the light displays, wouldn't sit in the wheelchair I'd borrowed to make it easier for him, it's the worst he's ever been. I feel sad for him but most sad for my daughter whose evening was spoiled and who is generally so good with him though he's not even her father. She sees more of him than his own children who have barely any contact with him now and I feel so guilty, she shouldn't have to put up with this. I'm so torn between wanting to look after him out of love and because there's no one else who will but then needing to have a normal happy times with my daughter. She's coming for Christmas and I dreading it now because I don't want it to be spoiled for her by my partner's behaviour. To add insult to injury can you believe it that he woke up this morning and said we should get married, asked me if I'd like to get married, I said no!!!!
     
  2. RosettaT

    RosettaT Registered User

    Sep 9, 2018
    334
    Female
    Mid Lincs
    Things may be a lot better at Christmas when he is in his own home with familiar surroundings. I wish I could offer both yourself and others better advice but for the most part my OH is atypical alzheimer's and it makes me feel so unqualifed to help others because I have very little experience of what they are going through, but I just couldn't read and run.

    ((((hugs))))
     
  3. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    257
    Thank you RosettaT. It's a learning curve for most of us I think x
     
  4. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    I feel so sad for you. I just hope that in time you will come to see the events of your trip as a turning point as you and your family progress down the dementia path.

    My children, not his, and my granddaughter are great with my husband and I think your daughter sounds as if she is fabulous. Try not to get to hung up about Christmas. Just be flexible and take things as they come.
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,161
    Kent
    I remember taking my husband to a show in London, one he really wanted to see.

    The journey and the crowds were overwhelming for him and he was so exhausted on the way home he was in tears.

    We can only try, and learn by experiences.

    I hope you manage to organise something which will work over Christmas @White Rose. I agree he might be less confused in his own home.
     
  6. Vic10

    Vic10 Registered User

    Feb 18, 2017
    85
    Oh, my heart goes out to you, so sorry your trip went wrong.
    Remember your daughter understands and loves you both, she won’t judge she is with you now and at Christmas because she chooses to be.
    Hope you all enjoy Christmas, whatever it brings, after all what is ‘normal’?
     
  7. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    257
    Thank you all for your lovely comments. I'm going to do my best to make Christmas special. Unfortunately a new low today when he poohed in his pants while watching a DVD, oh my goodness it just goes on getting worse.
     
  8. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,766
    @White Rose That is my worst fear and I don't know if I could cope with it. I have no advice for you but I am so sorry that this has happened especially after your ruined trip to London. I think sometimes it all just becomes too much for one person to cope with.

    Your daughter sounds lovely and you must make the most of any chance to spend time with her.

    Big hugs to you
     
  9. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    3,711
    south-east London
    @WhiteRose, I am sorry to hear that your special trip did not work out.

    I had to stop taking my husband into and around London by train and tube because the travel and crowds eventually became too overwhelming for him - but it didn't mean we stopped planning trips out together, we just aimed for calmer locations.

    I agree with others that your partner might fare better than you fear at Christmas as he will be in his own familiar surroundings - and he will have a quiet but familiar place to retreat to if he should start to become overwhelmed at all.

    When we held Christmas celebrations at home my husband generally enjoyed them, so long as things did not get too noisy. He was also was happy to be able to go to bed when he wanted, without it stopping others doing what they were doing.

    I hope you find a manageable way for Christmas to be an enjoyable day for everyone.
     
  10. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    257
    Duggies-girl you sound like a lovely caring person. Having to clean his bottom was one of my worst fears as well but when it comes to it you just do it (the need to get him clean overrides all else!). It seems you just adapt to whatever this horrendous disease throws at you. You are right, it does become too much for one person, I'm going to try a week's respite in the new year, think I just really need a break! Hope you can do the same when you need it.
     

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