1. sonia owen

    sonia owen Registered User

    Hi All,

    I was thinking of maybe having a memorial tree in memory of our dear mum. One of my brothers was talking about having the ashes put in the crematory, he showed me the place where she would be put. He wants somewhere to be able to go and have a chat with her. He said have a think about it. I don't like the idea very much I don't think myself that I need to do this. I feel I can chat to her where ever I happen to be. I suppose we all have our own ways of dealing with the loss of a loved one.
    I have been so busy, there has not been much time to really think of mum. I think its beginning to hit me that she has really gone from this world.
    All I ask is that she sends me a sign so I know that she is ok, I will know it when she decides to send me one.

    Sonia x
  2. Mrsbusy

    Mrsbusy Registered User

    Aug 15, 2015
    I'm sure you will know the signfrom your Mum, but it sounds like your brother wants something he can physically relate to. I think trees are great to help with this as it grows continually and shows its seasons and that life continues when it grows new leaves etc, so maybe that's how your brother sees it too.

    I also think with trees they are great for the air pollution therefore helping the next generation and live longer than people too so reinforce how life goes on in that way.

    A lot of people plant rose bushes with appropriate names in their own gardens too as a memorial to their loved ones. I'm like you I just talk to them wherever I am, but then I am a chatter box anyway.
  3. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    I have a rose bush for John, that is called Joie de Vivre, and though he didn't have much joy in his life at the end, he did for such a long time. I used to "talk" to him, in my head, looking at his photo. Then I talked to him, out loud. Now I've "moved him", to a seat at right angles to mine, and chat away with him.

    After "we" watched the TV last night, I said "that was a good programme wasn't it", and he agreed. :) But everybody grieves differently, and some folk may want a tree, or a plaque, or whatever - it's just a case of what some people find a help with their grief.
  4. sonia owen

    sonia owen Registered User

    Rose Bush

    Thanks for your lovely comments never thought about planting a rose bush Will have a look for something with her name Pamela.
    Thank you.
    Sonia xxx
  5. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    I have a rose bush too, well a series really, one for dad and one each for my two uncles. They don't have specific names for them, but dad loved the scent, so I got a deep red, beautifully scented old rose called Munstead Wood. I often talk to Dad wherever I am, but can understand why people like to have somewhere specific.
  6. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    I planted a Kilmarnock willow in my garden as this was my dads favourite tree. It looks lovely in the winter when the rest of the garden looks so dead. My dad also said that after he died he would come back to earth as a robin. I often see a robin in my tree and think of dad.

    Any memorial that makes you smile and remember the good times is a great thing. It keeps them close to us.

    I hope you find the right one for you.
  7. Lancshiker

    Lancshiker Registered User

    Apr 17, 2013
    We have a memorial stone for Dad which I go to regularly to tidy and leave flowers. Dad was always very smart and neat and tidy so I feel that doing this is my way of paying tribute to him, although I do think of him wherever I am. My friend however scattered her dads ashes at a local lake that he loved when he was alive and she doesn't feel the need to visit something physical. I guess everyone has their own way of dealing with loss. I guess the important thing is that as time goes on you forget to awfulness of was alzheimers does to someone and you remember the happy times and the great things about the person that made you happy. I can see that a tree growing string and blossoming anew each year would be like saying 'mums memory will never die and mum was a fantastic person to have in my life and I want to show in a positive way that even though she had this horrible illness, most of her life was about the fantastic person she was.' But having that inside your head only is equally a great thing to have because you carry that person in your heart always.
  8. sonia owen

    sonia owen Registered User

    Lovely to know that you can still get roses that you can still smell the scent. There are so many today that have no scent at all.
  9. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    I know, Sonia, what on earth is the point of a rose with no perfume?
  10. Sasky

    Sasky Registered User

    Jan 29, 2014
    Ashford, Kent
    Hi Sonia

    I have a beautiful fragrant red rose for my Mum, which I had named after her. You can purchase a rose and name it yourself, you get a lovely certificate as well. This to me is truly a memorial to my darling Mum as it bears her name.

    I got it from Country Gardens Roses last spring, The blooms are outstanding I can highly recommend them

    Photo attached - Marie Violet Lillian (my Mums name )

    ImageUploadedByTalking Point1455270666.229441.jpg
  11. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    That's stunning Sasky :) xxx
  12. sonia owen

    sonia owen Registered User

    Thank you beautiful xx

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