Treatment for infections

[DivingDavey]

I haven't been here for a while, but could use some advice.

My mother who is in a care home now has no quality of life at all. She is in a residential home which is a lovely home, she is unable to respond to simple instructions like move an arm or even open her eyes, if you to touch her her limbs become very stiff because her brain has lost the ability to control them.

She spends almost all of her time slumped in a chair with her eyes closed, she will sometimes open them when I visit but I think any flicker of recognition has now gone. She goes through the mechanics of eating when fed usually with her eyes still closed. I used to be able to tell her to "look at me" but even that has gone now.

Despite that she doesn't appear to be in discomfort or pain, just pretty much semi-conscious.

From time to time she contracts infections, either urine or chest infections but the doctors can't say for sure. My question is would it be kinder to let one of these infections take her?

I don't know if that would cause her pain which obviously I do not want and I do not want her to go into hospital either.

Any help would be much appreciated.

 

[Red66]

Hi, my Dad would get multiple infections usually on his chest and this would turn to aspiration pneumonia. We opted in the end that Dad no longer went to hospital as once there he would be on an iv for fluids and antibiotics. He would perk up go back the nursing home and in a couple of days be back to square one. We thought it was cruel as this was prolonging life and not promoting the quality of it. It was an extremely hard decision, but we felt that as Dad was bed bound and choking with pureed food and thickened fluid, he was just lying there 'existing'. He wouldn't have wanted that for himself. As for being in pain, end of life medication would be prescribed, and the doctors would make sure she was comfortable and not suffering in any way. I am sorry you are having to go through this, it's so so hard. I hope that helps. Red.

 

[DivingDavey]

Thanks Red66 that is really very much appreciated. I too am sorry you have been through this.

 

[jaymor]

There may come a time when ABs stop working so then it is to be kept comfortable and pain free and not in a hospital if it can be avoided.

My husband left hospital with the blessing of his doctor and meds should he need them. He died very peacefully and the drugs were not needed.

I wish the same for your Mum.

 

[DivingDavey]

Thank you Jaymor

 

[Red66]

Sorry forgot to add, Dad didn't need end of life meds either, but they were prescribed just in case and the nursing home had them ready should they have been required.

 

[DivingDavey]

My mother contracted pneumonia a couple of weeks ago and died peacefully last week, me and my sister were with her.

It really was a kind release for her.

 

[jaymor]

So sorry to hear your sad news. You were with your Mother and her passing was peaceful, there is nothing more we can wish for when the end comes. Take care.

 

[Shedrech]

sad news DivingDavey
your mum is at peace now
I hope there's comfort for you and your sister that you were with her

 

[LadyA]

Sorry for your loss, divingdavy. A peaceful release for your mum, but a loss to be grieved for you and your family just the same.

 

[Cat27]

I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Chocolateeclair]

Letting go

The time came for our Mum when the antibiotics no longer worked after multiple UT infections. She developed sepsis and we were given these options:-

To take her to hospital (where she may not survive the stressful journey) to be treated in an unfamiliar environment causing more distress and possibly not recovering.
If she did recover we were told she would most probably be bed bound and as with every infection she would come back less able than before.

Or to let nature take its course and allow her the dignity of passing peacefully in the care home surrounded by familiar people who loved and cared for her. Which is what we did.
She went within 24 hours with me at her side, almost as though she had been given permission to go.
We took this decision because we believed that it was the one she would have wanted us to take, she was nearing the late stages and wouldn't have wanted any more.
She was a private dignified lady who hated the indignity of being incontinent.

It was the hardest decision we have ever had to take but we saved her from more suffering and us from having to watch it.
She is now at rest with our Dad.
I wouldn't wish anyone to have to take this decision for a loved one but if they have had a good long life, put them first.
I miss my Mum dreadfully but hang on to the fact that I was able to do a brave and wonderful thing for her.

 

[love.dad.but..]

Totally agree, one of the most difficult decisions to make bringing a loved one back from hospital for end of life to take its course, did it for Dad...you have to be kind, unselfish and pragmatic. I regret he had his last few years blighted with mums death and dementia but I don't regret the last decision and most important decision I had to lovingly make for him. Best wishes and thinking of you x

 

[chick1962]

My heart goes out to you . I would have made the same decision . Wishing you strength for the coming days xxxx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[Rosnpton]

That was the kindest decision you could make.
Thinking of you
Ros