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Training sessions and family matters...

JMU

Registered User
Feb 17, 2012
155
0
Cornwall
So I went to this session for carers of people with dementia the other day. As I suspected most of what was covered I had already come across on the Alzheimer's society website. Anyway, the people there were nice, although it was no surprise to me to find I was the youngest there. For some reason this means that the others automatically start trying to look out for me, and feel the need to tell me how hard it's going to be in the future. They mean well, but really? Yes, I am only thirty but I have been a carer for one other of my parents since I was six. I have lived through the mental illness and death of my mother, the physical disabilities and depression of my father before the Alzheimer's even cropped up. I know what I'm in for!
I didn't mean to turn that into a rant. I don't really resent their advice. But everyone seemed kind of shocked that I am facing this on my own, which got me thinking about my family. I am the youngest (by some margin) of six children, but the only one providing care for dad. I haven't actually spoken to any of the others in over six weeks (not counting a "lol" I got from my sister on Facebook this morning). In fact the last time she came round was when the social worker turned up. Before that? I can't remember. She lives less that a mile away.
I'm not angry. The problem is every time I have asked her for help in the past she has either dropped out at the last minute claiming family commitments, or suggested that I should think about 'more permanent solutions'. Then she tells me I should find more time for myself!
I know she's upset. They all are. And I know our family history means they are all reluctant to become too involved, something I understand completely, but I am tired of them expecting me to cope alone. I don't want to cause a row or even make them feel guilty, but I'm stuck as to how to make them understand that they have a responsibility too. And yes, I would love to have more of a life!
 

sue38

Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
10,849
0
53
Wigan, Lancs
Hi JMU,

Yes you are young at 30 to be taking on the care on your own. I was 38 when my dad was officially diagnosed (hence the sue38, I'm now 44 :eek:) and although I have 2 older siblings, a lot of the care fell to me. I put that down to the fact that I discovered TP and that gave me the knowledge and strength to take on that role. But my siblings supported me in that role.

I don't think age has much to do with the type of carer you are. You are doing what you feel is right, and by the sounds of things doing an impressive job in difficult circumstances.

Who provided the training?
 

Big Effort

Account Closed
Jul 8, 2012
1,927
0
Hi again JMU,
Have responded to another post of yours today.
My experience with siblings shows one thing. Some step up and do it (you and I), and others bow out. I used to get pretty annoyed at how they left the business end all up to me. A given. Now I know they suffer a lot. It would be better for them if they did help out. Now they still bow out, but suffer guilt (they are doing nothing for Mum), shame, all big into denial (wouldn't it be better for Mum in a home???? How can they think that, they know her as well as I do. So pure denial to release themselves of guilt). Sometimes I wonder if we carers don't get a better deal. At least we aren't confused, guilty, ashamed, blaming everyone but ourselves. As I see it today, my life is pretty straighforward.

Still, there is no hard in asking others to help you. Six siblings. That should really half your load if they did a little of the caring and leave you with a full 50%. Why not ask them?

Best of luck. I am sure you would like more time to yourself. BE