1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. jknight

    jknight Registered User

    Oct 23, 2015
    786
    Hampshire
    Drove to the memory clinic where we will take mum on Friday. I am so so scared that mum will freak out. Also, daughter about to start IVF. So tired of worrying (saw dad through cancer and husband through bullying/depression) Have had something serious to worry about for the last five years. Gosh, I sound sorry for myself. Just needed to offload.
     
  2. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,111
    Off-loads r us

    Bod
     
  3. jknight

    jknight Registered User

    Oct 23, 2015
    786
    Hampshire
    Bless you Bod!
     
  4. Emac

    Emac Registered User

    Mar 2, 2013
    171
    Yep! A good offload is healthy :) It sounds like you have had one worry after another and it's exhausting. You can't predict how your mum will behave at the memory clinic and it is so not your responsibility, nor is whether the IVF works. I read somewhere recently that you should do what you have to do in terms of supporting others but let go of the outcome- because you are not in control of that i.e. no pointless worrying. I thought it was great advice....if only I was better at applying it!!;)
     
  5. jknight

    jknight Registered User

    Oct 23, 2015
    786
    Hampshire
    Chuckle! I know you should only worry about things you can influence. Not easy, eh?
     
  6. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Lord help you. You have had an awful time. It is ok to feel scared and sorry for yourself. I think it is important to recognise our feelings and let ourselves feel our emotions. I hope the IVF goes well for your daughter. It is important to offload and this is a great place to do it.

    Aisling (Ireland)
     
  7. jknight

    jknight Registered User

    Oct 23, 2015
    786
    Hampshire
    Thanks Aisling! It's been hard staying strong. This is the first place I have felt able to say how I feel x
     
  8. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    1,127
    eastern USA
    Those tough times can take their toll. What are you doing for yourself, lately, that allows you to feel refreshed?
     
  9. jknight

    jknight Registered User

    Oct 23, 2015
    786
    Hampshire
    I read, walk by the sea, look after my gorgeous grandson but I still worry. Any ideas welcome!
     
  10. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    1,127
    eastern USA
    I'm a reader, too, and I love walks with my dogs (when they behave). I was just wondering if you have thought about what really makes you feel good - about life, about yourself - and is there a way for you to build some time into your life so that you can pursue that thing? Do you paint? Or sing or play music on an instrument? Is there a local group you could join that would help you discover hidden talents? I'd love to take a cooking class, for instance. I don't have time for this right now, but I know I'd find it rewarding to do this. I had wanted to learn how to work on my cuckoo clocks, and I have a clockmaker interested in teaching me, but his town is sufficiently far away and my mother's condition sufficiently difficult that I can't be that far from home. Alas. It won't always be this way, but what one needs is something that will be fulfilling *right now*. I'm still working, so my time is quite limited, as it is.

    But really, if you find yourself feeling stressed, it might be nice to find a way to develop some talent or skill that would really engross you, so that your thoughts would find a path toward something fulfilling for you rather than worrying about others. Maybe?
     
  11. jknight

    jknight Registered User

    Oct 23, 2015
    786
    Hampshire
    Bless you CJinUSA. Thank you for your advice x
     
  12. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    1,127
    eastern USA
    Please do come back and tell us if you find something that works for you. Everyone deserves to have a feeling of fulfillment, especially those who are caring for others. Family is nice, But I'm thinking about something special that would help you become yourself, despite these obstacles . . . . Do let us know what happens!
     
  13. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,454
    Ireland
    Jknight, is this your mother's first visit to the Memory Clinic? At the risk of sounding brutal, her "freaking out" might not be the worst thing. People with dementia can be so good at presenting really well, for the very short periods they need to at appointments. I well remember, years ago, wishing that the doctors could see my husband's behaviour when he wasn't sitting in front of them! He was well into the middle stages of dementia - I knew it, his doctors knew it and his consultant knew it - but he was still scoring very highly on the tests. His initial diagnosis was made by numerous lengthy interviews with him and (crucially) separate interviews with me and by notes I kept of incidents. Hope all goes well for you.
     
  14. jknight

    jknight Registered User

    Oct 23, 2015
    786
    Hampshire
    Thank you LadyA. It is the first visit. I think my fear is for me almost as much as it is for mum!
     
  15. fremington6

    fremington6 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    24
    Devon
    First time I took OH about 4 months ago to memory cafe (its monthly) I was terrified. There were about 40 people there sufferers and carers/helpers/ wives husbands etc. Mine enjoyed himself chatting to all sorts him knowing there were others like him. It is a great memory cafe, there's always something organised, sing songs, old records, craft stuff and occasional visiting people like a jujitsu group who showed us all how to defend ourselves with a walking stick. What I'm saying is, try it and see. Cd be a stepping stone to other things. My OH is now going to a weekly project FILO which we call a lunch club and because it's a small group of 5 with 3 other men and 1 lady he seems to like this too. They do puzzles, jigsaws, play cards (after a fashion) so it's quite stimulating. So good luck, you never know chin up.
     
  16. jknight

    jknight Registered User

    Oct 23, 2015
    786
    Hampshire
    Thank you fremington6. Good advice!
     
  17. jasmineflower

    jasmineflower Registered User

    Aug 27, 2012
    335
    Hi,
    Just keep offloading here - it's what TP is for. You are among friends who REALLY understand the difficulties and pressures you are facing.

    I wish your daughter luck with the IVF. I'm sure she will need your positivity and support through it all.

    If it makes you feel any better, I have to take my FiL to the memory clinic in 2 weeks time and I'm not looking forward to it either!!

    On the lighter side of things, my FiL has a notebook of all the names of the roads between his house and the nursing home his wife is in "in case THEY test him on them" and has now decided that they might test him on the weather forecast so is making notes on that too. Also he warned me today that a poltergeist is opening his car boot at odd times making it spring up - I think he has been pressing the remote boot opener on the key fob as he goes in and out of the house!

    You have to smile
    J xx
     
  18. jknight

    jknight Registered User

    Oct 23, 2015
    786
    Hampshire
    Took mum to see the consultant. Mum denied having a problem and then wouldn't speak to the consultant. Aricept prescribed for mum. Glass of red wine self prescribed for me!!! I do realise my worries are nothing compared to many of you guys but I am so glad to have somewhere to offload to lovely people who understand and don't judge x
     
  19. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    Oh that was sooooooooooooooooooooooooo my mum, deny it then blame the messenger!!! I learned quickly to agree with her. So pleased she has Aricept lots of people say it makes a big difference in slowing progression. A good day's work for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Have another glass of wine xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  20. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,454
    Ireland
    My William used to rehearse in the consultant's waiting room. - "Now, what floor are we on?" he'd ask me, "What month is it?" "what year, do you know? " and saddest of all, we'd even get to "what country are we living in? '- William had travelled all his life and lived in several different countries over the course of his life. Although American, at his funeral, one of his children worked out that he had actually lived longer here than anywhere else in his life!
     

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