Touching babies and children

1954

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Jan 3, 2013
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Sidcup
Mamsgirl

Oh I do take her out every day but it is not easy...........I would not deny her the chance to go out at all. It is just not easy :)
 

KentJude

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Jul 2, 2012
177
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Maidstone
Yes when i used to take mum out and the occasional thing happened I found most people were very kind and understanding. The number of times I heard 'Ah we used to look after my mum/dad/granny' etc. And start chatting.

Had a not so nice incident at a concert once though, when we got told off by a woman behind cos mum was enjoying herself too much (she was softly la la-ing and tapping her hands on her lap). It was a brass band fgs, and they'd said audience participation was welcomed!!

I felt so cross with the rudeness but we did leave at the interval. I wouldn't now though probably! I should've taken mum to a pop concert instead hey!

Let's hope the AS campaign for dementia awareness will help avoid this kind of thing.
 

1954

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Jan 3, 2013
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Sidcup
We were in Matalan the other day and MIL was dancing to the music. No one said ah......they just looked/stared at her :eek:

Maybe its the area we live in but we have had hostility rather than kindness shown to us when her behaviour is bazaar. Oh and today she was singing nursery rhymes that she remembered from her childhood when we were walking to the shops. Again we only got stared at and tutted at :eek:
 

ellejay

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Jan 28, 2011
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Essex
That's a shame 1954. Where we take mum shopping there's always lots of us having

the "Do you want these mum/dad? they are your favourites, No? oh, I didn't know

you've always hated them, sorry " etc etc. so most behaviour goes uncommented on.

On the downside, this particular shop has a large display of uncovered celebration cakes costing upwards of 20 quid, prettily decorated with lovely eye-catching designs :eek:

There's usually a bit of a stampede of carers trying to get past that section !!

Lin x
 

Wildflower

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Apr 6, 2013
227
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Brighton
Waiting rooms at the doctors and hospital ......cringe! cringe! cringe!

Making too much fuss of babies.

Talking rubbish to everyone, when people just want to sit quietly.

'Joking' - "I'm before you, so don't push in" and repeating it endlessly.

Saying out loud "Why are there so many fat nurses?"

Sticking two fingers up at doctors when he thinks they are not looking.

Exiting the nurses surgery saying to the audience of waiting patients "Don't go in there, she TORTURES you"
 

AntheaC

Registered User
Jun 25, 2013
40
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tyne and wear
thank you for the laugh

Thank you mamsgirl

The other day I made the mistake of stroking someone's dog. I didn't know the dog or the owner but the dog was adorable and we live next to an alley way where all the dog walkers go to the park. After I had stroked the dog MIL said to the man 'can I stroke you too?' and did a stroke on his chest :eek: I nearly died and mouthed 'she has dementia' through gritted teeth :eek: MIL said 'what a muscled young man and so handsome'. I wished the earth would eat me up :eek:

Lesson learned: don't stroke dogs anymore unless they are with ladies of my age or more:)

I really laughed out loud when I read this - thank you so much! It really does help to keep a sense of humour throughout even the darkest days and this has reminded me to do so!
 

Jess26

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Jan 5, 2011
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Kent
On the few occasions my grand children (aged 3 & 12mths at the time) visited mum a lot of the residents in the home would make a great fuss of them.
I put it down to "little old ladies and babies syndrome" but maybe it was more the disease. Interesting.
When mum was in the final stages, i.e. totally non responsive. The only thing that got a reaction was the sight of her great grand children.
 

1954

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Jan 3, 2013
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Sidcup
oh Wildflower

Are you sure you are not me and my MIL??? It sounds identical. Honestly the exact same thing happens with my MIL. I could cringe, die, cry. But I know she can't help it- I think!.:eek:
 

FifiMo

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Feb 10, 2010
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Wiltshire
Sadly, many people would relish and gladly return to the days when their loved ones had the capacity to do such things. In our case, when mum was incontinent, immobile, disoriented to place and time, we would have given our eye teeth to see a reaction to a baby or a comment here and there.

Fiona
 

Canadian Joanne

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Apr 8, 2005
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70
Toronto, Canada
Sadly, many people would relish and gladly return to the days when their loved ones had the capacity to do such things.

This is so true. When not physically battering people :eek:, Mum had no qualms about commenting on the size & colour of the staff in her nursing home. This was paired with a complete inability to see herself as she was - close to 4 stone overweight on a 5'3" frame. I fondly remember one time when Mum was stark naked in her bathroom, with her tummies cascading down, saying "I have never been fat in all my life".

Some of the moments were funny, but so many were embarrassing and/or mortifying. Yet today I would love to hear her speak again, as she no longer speaks except for the very occasional word or two now and again.

But I remember so clearly how horrified I was when she would use racist language or very loudly comment "What a fat ass on that one".
 

Wildflower

Registered User
Apr 6, 2013
227
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Brighton
Sadly, many people would relish and gladly return to the days when their loved ones had the capacity to do such things. In our case, when mum was incontinent, immobile, disoriented to place and time, we would have given our eye teeth to see a reaction to a baby or a comment here and there.

Fiona

I completely understand this, and I dread what the future will bring x
 

Wildflower

Registered User
Apr 6, 2013
227
0
Brighton
oh Wildflower

Are you sure you are not me and my MIL??? It sounds identical. Honestly the exact same thing happens with my MIL. I could cringe, die, cry. But I know she can't help it- I think!.:eek:

I know they can't help it, but a lot of the general public don't understand that do they? I really find it so stressful. Another thing he does is target people individually in the waiting room, and make personal comments to them about their appearance such as "Haven't you had a shave today?" He also tends to read the health information posters out loud, which can be so embarrassing.......mortifying beyond words!
 

1954

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Jan 3, 2013
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Sidcup
MIL has been rude for as long as I can remember and as long as my hubby can remember. He thinks she may not have been so rude when he was a child but I have been married to him for 35 years and am sure she can not have had dementia for 35 years :eek:
 

ailyn2611

Registered User
Jul 18, 2005
56
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Leeds, Uk
Just found this thread, can't believe it, I always thought it's just my mum! She does exactly that, goes up to total strangers/babies/toddlers and start cooing after them. We had to appear as normal as possible, to allay any fears people may have with 'this mad woman' coming up to them.

She doesn't do that now, as she's unable to go out, doesn't know how to put on shoes or get into a car.

I'm so intrigued to learn this is more a trait of the illness!
 

Mamsgirl

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Jun 2, 2013
635
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Melbourne, Australia
WARNING: Tear jerker alert

The other night Mum and I were waiting outside SF's room while the nurses performed their comfort bringing miracles, and Mum started telling me about the babies I'd missed at the shops that day <Lord, take me now>!!! Reminding myself to be a loving grown up, I managed to ask "What is it about babies you like so much Mum?" Now with vaD doing its worst in her poor brain I got pretty much what I expected, a lot of emotion driven talk that didn't answer the question. Then she stopped me in my not exactly condescending tracks, but you know what I mean, when she said "I believe God gives babies to the world to remind us that we were all born innocent and perfect and helpless, and to help us trust again". I'm equal parts love, sadness and admiration since then.
Didn't dare ask about cakes and people with a few kilos to lose though :D
 

1954

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Jan 3, 2013
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Sidcup
we were all born innocent and perfect and helpless

MIL says that! Along with the other expression when she can't do things she used to do 'I've seen the day but now its night'. Good grief I could scream :eek::eek:
 

Carabosse

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Jan 10, 2013
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Although my mum is not that bad when we are at the Dr's waiting I usually sit round the corner from the main cohort of people waiting (I make the excuse its near the toilet if she needs it) as I know if children come in that's it, she'll want to play with them or make a fuss. Another thing mum does is her whispers are not as low as she thinks they are, so I have to tell her to keep her voice down as others can hear her and that other people are not feeling well, its not good when she 'whispers' I think I need to pee, or poo!
 

1954

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Jan 3, 2013
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Sidcup
Honestly we should put all of them together! My MIL states in a loud whisper 'I want to pee'. I could just die
 

stanleypj

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Dec 8, 2011
10,712
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North West
Yes, repetition can be maddening.

Yes, anyone can be embarrassed.

But as has often been pointed out on TP, the time may come when the person you are caring for no longer talks.

Mamsgirl's post is indeed a tear-jerker.

But to me it's some kind of miracle that her mam can say something so coherent and profound (whether you believe God is behind it or not). I expect you will treasure it, Mamsgirl.