Touching babies and children

Pheath

Registered User
Dec 31, 2009
1,096
UK
Sounds like our dads were and are very similar in some respects Rosie. I never thought I'd miss those days either but now I'd give anything to see him so lively again. Isn't it just the most awful illness, we're 11yrs in and have taken many steps down in that time. Still, we soldier on.... Px


Oh Pheath, I know what you mean about wanting dad to be back there again. I wish I had that problem now. Just like your situation, my dad is not that interactive anymore, he would not know if there was a child around now, and they still do give him hugs at the home he is in but I don't know if he realises anymore.

At the time (last year) it was a nightmare and I didn't know how to cope with it a lot of the time, but I so wish I had that problem now.

And yes, my dad would notice fat people as well, although he would comment quietly in my ear!

Take care Rosie xx
 

ellejay

Registered User
Jan 28, 2011
4,018
Essex
My mum always stops & talks to babies, I distract her by saying I've seen a lovely bag over there (bags & shoes :) )

The other thing is, she will prod & poke unwrapped cakes & bread. They're like a magnet to her. I have to keep a really close eye (& a handful of her coat, dragging for the use of :D )

Lin x
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
The other thing is, she will prod & poke unwrapped cakes & bread. They're like a magnet to her. I have to keep a really close eye (& a handful of her coat, dragging for the use of
Oh dear you have reminded me that is what MIL does too! Prods and pocks things in shops I am all at the ready to have to pay for things she has ruined :eek:
 

meme

Registered User
Aug 29, 2011
1,953
London
I must admit I can't buy individual rolls without squeezing them and abandoning if not fresh....
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
meme

But hard as I find it is to get MIL to wash her hands.............so when we get to the shops who knows where they have been :eek:
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
Carara

I know and I do have a :D fixed on my face. Unfortunately my hubby would agree that she has been lucid enough to dig deep into our hearts and be hurtful

Hubby smiling but does not want to. The good thing is there are 2 of us and when one of us is down the other keeps going. I am going to PM you
 

Meercat

Registered User
Aug 13, 2010
543
Hi 1954,
Our M is really obsessed with babies & small children, which at first I didn't understand was part of dementia and was getting angry every time as I felt she paid far more attention on complete strangers children than she ever did on her grandchildren. :rolleyes:

Trying to distract her is almost impossible but she always manages to overstep the line with regard to personal space & the questions she asks people about their babies. Unfortunately she has had some very frosty receptions as some mothers have been very wary.... Of which they have every right.

It really did open my eyes to what an impact this disease can have when she asked,once, if she could play in a toddlers ball play area. Thank goodness she asked.... Her quick thinking friend saw a sign that said it was for under 5's and luckily M took it OK:rolleyes:

As for men..... Deary me..... I've never seen her be so free and easy with kisses and cuddles .... Luckily up until now they have been warmly received
:eek:

As for the card idea I would be careful if you are caring for someone who returns to their own home .... There is a risk (be it small) that someone could then prey on them knowing that they are a vulnerable adult..... Just a thought ?
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
Meercat

Thank you very much. MIL is much like you described! So free and easy with her affections, it makes us cringe!

Thankfully MIL lives with us and not many people know her round here and she is never never left alone in the house so I will still consider the card option x x
 

Shadow01

Registered User
Apr 13, 2013
62
Bedfordshire
MIL has been really nasty today. I could scream :mad::mad:
1954 try singing this really loudly with that :D :D :D :D :D :D :D face

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin?for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothin?but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin?but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.
 

Delphie

Registered User
Dec 14, 2011
1,269
Delphie

Yes my MIL talks loudly saying 'isn't she fat', I just want to cringe. If challenged she says 'I have an opinion and can say what I like' :eek:

Our friends tend to unintentionally 'feed' her obsession with men and 'smutty' talk :(:( I try to tell them but they just don't understand the situation :eek:
There's no point in challenging, is there. In fact it would make my mum louder and with more to say! My trick was to kind of navigate around town avoiding obviously large people where possible. I hate to say it, but skin colour was a bit of trigger too, cue loud comments about smell. Honestly, I'd get properly upset sometimes. :(
 

garnuft

Registered User
Sep 7, 2012
6,585
Well, I am blessed with a mother who likes babies and children, bread and buns but doesn't poke them. Hallelujah!

She doesn't mind what colour or creed anyone is, she doesn't really mind if you're overweight....
but she flirts with the Optician and the Doctor and the milkman and the window-cleaner......
 

Hair Twiddler

Registered User
Aug 14, 2012
892
Middle England
Thankfully I belive that my mum is seen as "a sweet dotty old lady" when she talks to toddlers in the supermarket and says "would you like to come home with me?" - she is ofcourse a dotty old lady - with alzheimers and little ability to reflect.
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
Shadow01

1954 try singing this really loudly with that face

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin?for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothin?but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin?but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.
Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!

She was nasty until she went up stairs to bed.

Today I took her to the hairdressers and a 60ish old man was doing repairs outside the front. Apparently the hairdresser said MIL had been naughty. My MIL told the man what she wanted to do with/to him :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: I nearly died, nearly died :eek:
 

Mamsgirl

Registered User
Jun 2, 2013
635
Melbourne, Australia
Yes! Yes! Yes!

The other thing was overweight people, she couldn't pass anyone a bit on the larger side without some horrible 'look at the sate of that' comment (usually quite loud).
Sooo relieved it's not just my mum! While she's always been appearance conscious, mum's comments weren't usually mean, and I've been wondering what she has against more womanly figures.

The other thing is, she will prod & poke unwrapped cakes & bread. They're like a magnet to her.x
Fortunately health legislation in Oz prohibits open display of ready to eat food (I'm squirming with horror at the thought of bullets dodged here):), but my mum gives 'em a thorough examination nonetheless. Starts with a good, robust palpation on the shelf and then with both hands, and then the bit that is really mortifying to me, she tosses the (now) offending item roughly on top of the rest of the display, from whatever distance she's then standing at! Gets a bit defensive if I try to suggest gentler handling, so I'm afraid the poor old cakes are on their own!:D I'm resolving to not take this too seriously as it's blessedly, clearly a dementia thing. Thank you, thank you for bringing this up :)
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
The problem is for me is that I am avoiding areas which I can not cope with MIL's behaviour. People. Shops. Cafe's. Children. Animals the list goes on

I have already got many shops, which she appears to like to look round, that are now no go areas! One such is a garden centre with a fabulous gift shop and pet shop. She pokes all the animal cages (despite notices saying not too and I remind her). She handles all the crockery to the point I am having palpitations! Walks round and round as I discretely try to get her to walk towards the exit. And then she declares 'I need to sit down NOW!'

it is all too much for me so I try and find somewhere else to take her but are running out of places. She would love to have me drive her round the country side. But who can afford to do that with the price of petrol??? :eek:

Oh and she 'docks' how long each trip takes. She is fixated with her watch. I don't mind and as i'm getting used to it. But when I have spent ages trying to have her amused she will say for example 'well that only took about an hour'
 
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Rosie Webros

Registered User
May 8, 2013
181
I would take my dad to the local pub (not so many children there). Although it was a family pub and sometimes children would come in for a meal. But they all got to know dad and were so lovely to him. Dad would love to go there for a pint. I would take him about 11.00 in the morning just as they opened and we would just stay for an hour.

When dad got worse with his Alzheimer's I explained that I didn't think it was fair to bother people who just wanted a quiet drink. They had got to know dad really well by then and they still told me to take him, which I did and they were all lovely to him. He is in a nursing home now and although those times were very tricky and sometimes embarrassing for me I would love to have those times back again. It renews your faith in human nature, knowing how accepting some people can be.

All the best to everyone and take care. Rosie xx
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
Ooh my MIL would love to go to the pub!!!:eek:

When at home she was drinking at least 1/2 bottle of scotch a day :eek:

I would never get her out!! At least she only has £2 in her purse and that she seems to have forgotten about x
 

Mamsgirl

Registered User
Jun 2, 2013
635
Melbourne, Australia
Getting Militant in Oz

You know, this reminds me of having a child with ADHD. One of my sons was heavily impacted, and I spent so much time, energy and funds trying to modify, manage and tone down his symptoms that I think I made life harder than it needed to be. Now I'm delighted with the pure, kind soul my son is, I wish I'd apologised a lot less, and smiled a lot more. So yep, if I can do it without humiliating Mum, I'll explain her behaviour if need be (always bearing in mind her medical history is not mine to impart without cause), but really, this clearly frail and elderly woman has as much right to be in a public place as anybody. If someone doesn't have the human decency to make allowances it's their bad luck, I'm not taking responsibility for something I can neither prevent or control again. The real test will be at the shops tomorrow...:D