1. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    I'm lying in bed. Oh is fully clothed coat on lying on the bed telling me he is going home to his mum who is on her own .She has been dead for 25 years. I have in frustration told him 3 times but he is still talking about her being afraid on her own and he's going ..No sign of him dashing for the door....yet....Aargh. We've had such a nice day too.
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,732
    Kent
    Oh heck. I do know how it is and only wish I could wave a magic wand for you.

    The fact your OH is still lying on the bed with you is encouraging. If you can possibly persuade him to wait till `tomorrow` because it is too dark, too cold, too late, anything you can think of, you`ll go with him tomorrow, let him come to bed, his mother will be sleeping, he doesn`t have a key, he won`t want to wake her.......... anything.
     
  3. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    Yep done all that. No keys in the doors. He's now telling me if I don't like him looking after his mother then I can get off. She's worked hard all her life and now she is on her own. Have told him again she's dead ,I know I shouldn't, but he doesn't seem to hear it, still going on about me being heartless. But he still hasn't moved .....
     
  4. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Oh Sweetie, how I remember similar times with John, who woke me, and insisted, at 3 in the morning, that we got packed now, because otherwise we'd miss the plane home. And he'd already started his packing, which he showed me. He'd packed some ridiculous things in a sponge bag, like a dog ornament.

    I'm afraid going with the flow is the only advice I can give, and it will be less stressful for you both. Agree that he's absolutely right and his Mum must be looked after, and you're very fond of her, but it was too late to leave now, and you need to look into things, as to what she'll need, and make lists, and phone calls, and it's best to wait till the various offices are open.

    And then if he continues with his beliefs, just say you've contacted her GP, and he'll be getting in touch. And repeat that daily. It's damned hard work, isn't it. xxx
     
  5. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    It is hard work. Eventually he got into bed at sometime early hours. I'd lost the will to live by then and was dozing. This morning ....all forgotten ..until tonight perhaps.
    It is strange the things he packs and how.
     
  6. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    We used to have the same 'conversations' and random things piled up to take with him. If it got too bad then we'd put the bits in the car and I'd take him on a round trip of a few miles, whatever time it was, and usually by the time we got back things had calmed down and he'd forgotten and would be quite happy to come into the house and go to bed. xxx


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  7. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    I have done that twice. Once he was giving me directions. After about an hour I said maybe we should go back and try again in the morning. So we came home. The other time we travelled less than a mile he decided we had turned the wrong way so we turned round and when we got near our gate he said slow down then turn here .Back where we left a few minutes earlier .He was so pleased he had found it . But it is all very draining.
     
  8. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    Another round trip

    Oh would not settle last night. He was going home and I wasn't going to stop him. So we got into the car at 9.00. Did another round trip. Got back all was well. He just went to bed.
     
  9. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Thank goodness that after your round trip to nowhere, hubby settled down and went to bed. Bit by bit, you'll find what works best for you, and you seem to have found a good solution here. xxx
     
  10. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    I hope this keeps working, although I know from experience going out for a drive is the last thing you want to do late in the evening. I did have a couple of occasions when my husband refused to get out of the car when we got back from our little jaunt. I left him there, keeping an eye from the window and after 10/15 minutes went out to see if he wanted tea or coffee and that usually worked and he'd come in. xx


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  11. johnde2

    johnde2 Registered User

    Jan 23, 2016
    7
    #11 johnde2, Jan 23, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2016
    My experiences with my very best friend, which may be of some help to others, living

    My lovely wife of 54 years was diagnosed in 2012, and for a couple of months, she thought that I was a stranger. She would often lock me out of the house, so I went to a garden centre or to the park, and phoned her.

    She was very friendly and asked me to come home, but when she unlocked the door, she would say, "Oh it is you," and promptly kick me out. Not always, but often.
    One night I came downstairs to find 5 policemen in the hall with a snarling Alsatian, and another policeman by the patio doors and back door to the garage.
    She had gone to a neighbour opposite, and told him that there was a stranger in the house! I just told them that she suffered from dementia, and they stood down.

    About a couple of years ago a dementia nurse told me that it would only get worse, but I said that everything is far better than it had been, on my journey.

    I kept checking the Internet for anything that could slow the disease, and spent a lot on Fiji Water, Coconut Oil, Circumin, B Vitamins, Omega 3, and various other "snake oil" remedies, to no avail.

    To end on a happier note, she does know me, and has done for many, many months, and I still love her company. She is always losing jewellery, which I keep replacing, because she is still the love of my life.

    She goes to DC ( or play school as I call it,) and our 3 daughters keep pressing me to agree another day. I keep resisting, because I really hate it when we are apart. We have had a lifetime of being together, and I could never imagine a life without her.

    Apologies if you think I am suffering from verbal diarrhoea!
     
  12. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    John, I hope my husband is saying that when we have been together for 54 years!
     
  13. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    My husband doesn't say that about me now and its only 26 years. He had a heart by pass 13 years ago and before he went down for his op he said " if I survive this then I will buy you flowers every week as I know how much you like flowers " . He survived , I have never had a single buch of flowers !!
     
  14. johnde2

    johnde2 Registered User

    Jan 23, 2016
    7
    Flowers

    i was in Tescos a few weeks ago, and had 2 bunches of flowers in my trolley. A lady came up to me, and said that she wished that she was married to me!
    She loves flowers, but her husband has never bought her any!
    As I said, she is the love of my life.
    John.
     
  15. johnde2

    johnde2 Registered User

    Jan 23, 2016
    7
    Music Has Been Very Beneficial.

    We have been fans of Cliff Richard since we first met in '58, and over the years we have bought his records and seen him in films and concerts.

    I recently upgraded our tv to a 48" Curved Screen HD one, together with a BluRay DVD player. We have a collection of his DVDs, and we often watch them before going to bed.

    My love is transformed, and she sings along, knowing all of the words. Very therapeutic.
    It certainly works for us.

    John.
     
  16. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    John, you sound like a wonderful man. Its lovely to hear about the special times you have with your wife. If music be the food of live, play on! Love quilty
     
  17. johnde2

    johnde2 Registered User

    Jan 23, 2016
    7
    Thank You Quilty.

    You are very kind. She is such a lovely lady, so it is very easy to show her every kindness.

    I have been reading about the benefits of Aged Garlic, ( google it,) so will be ordering some as soon as I have finished this post.

    Never give up: there is always hope, and I have been extremely lucky that my love has stabilised, and apart from the continual humming and occasional clapping, she is still the same love that I married 54 years ago. I would marry her again, if it would bring her completely back.

    If I could digress, I have seen discussions about cuddly toys, that have a soothing effect.

    We had a very large Afghan Hound, but sadly, her hips went and I had to let her go.
    My love had a 2012 Dog Lovers Diary, and it was always open at a pic of a white toy poodle.

    So, I looked on the web, and found a 10 week old white Bichon Poo, which I bought.
    She is beautiful and ever so loving, and she has had the desired effect on my love.

    John.
     
  18. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Oh how lovely! What a caring, kind man you are :) xxx
     
  19. johnde2

    johnde2 Registered User

    Jan 23, 2016
    7
    Not At All.

    At the risk of repeating myself, she is the absolute love of my life.
    She is the only person that I have ever slept
    with, which must be almost unique, in today's world.

    We had a lovely marriage and 3 beautiful daughters
    so no need to look elsewhere.
     
  20. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    My oh has never done any sort of music. He no longer watches TV he can't concentrate or follow it so trying to find things he is willing to do is difficult. You must have a very large room John must sit very close to the TV !!
     

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