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Torn in two

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by hazleds, Nov 24, 2015.

  1. hazleds

    hazleds Registered User

    Nov 18, 2015
    3
    I'm new to the Forum. Following a severe infection, successfully treated by IV antibiotics, my Dad's vascular dementia has deteriorated to such an extent that he is now on end of life care. He has been in hospital since 5th Nov. We live a 3 hour drive away and have been down and stayed locally for several days at a time. Since our last visit our daughter has had a missed miscarriage, had surgery yesterday, and is staying with us for the post-surgery 36 hours when she cannot be alone. I really want to be around to support her whilst she needs me. The hospital has phoned this evening to say that my Dad has deteriorated further. I want to be with him and I want to be with my daughter but, obviously, can't do both. The situation is complicated by the fact that I had brain surgery last month and cannot drive for 6 months so am relying on my husband or public transport which is not easy from a village.
    Has anyone else been in a similar situation? It's tearing me apart.
    Thank you.
    Sue
     
  2. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,280
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Oh hazleds I am so sorry you are having such an awful and heartbreaking time . My heart goes out to you . I have not been in such a situation but do know about miscarriages as had a few myself . One of my best friends got me a beautiful round shaped hat box. Inside was a diary for me to write my feelings down and to put any little memories or trinkets or things I had bought for my baby inside . It was such a sensitive and beautiful thing she did for me . Even after all these years I still cherish and look at it every now and then and my heart is full of love and sadness but it made it easier for me . Sending lots of hugs xxxxx


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  3. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    Oh Hazleds my heart goes out to you and your family.

    Stay with your daughter she needs you andI'm pretty sure if your dad was able to, he would say the same.
    You must also look after yourself, hard to do I know.

    Another thing you're going to need to do , is forgive yourself for not being able to do the impossible as you cannot though you very much want to , be in two places at once.
    XXX
     
  4. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    Giving your post a bump to the top
     
  5. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,402
    Kent
    I really feel for you, you are in an impossible position. My feeling would be put your daughter first she needs your help at this difficult time more than your dad who is being looked after and sadly there isn't much more you can do for him at this time other than checking on him by phone to make sure he is kept comfortable. Is there a friend of his or yours who could visit him in hospital in your place and report back to you to reassure you that he is being cared for which would set your mind at rest at least? Your Dad if able to, would totally understand that your priority is with who needs you most and I think without question it is your daughter at this time and he would totally understand you must also put your health first...not an easy time but I send you very best wishes x
     
  6. hazleds

    hazleds Registered User

    Nov 18, 2015
    3
    Thank you for your replies. Sadly my Dad passed away at 8.35 this morning. I wasn't there but have been to see him in the Chapel of Rest. At last he looks at peace. My daughter is coping well and was insistent that she would be ok if we drove down.

    Sue
     
  7. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,519
    Ireland
    So sorry for the loss of your dad, Hazleds. He is at peace now, and although you have a lot of grieving to do, you can also let go of your worry for him. Concentrate now on your own health and your daughter. I know there are things to be done, things to be organised. People will offer to help - take every offer you get. And anything that can possibly wait for another time, then leave it, and put your strength into yourselves. xx
     
  8. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,232
    Female
    The Sweet North
    Please accept my condolences. As you say in your post, your dad is at peace at last. He is free from the illness, whole again.
    Wishing you peace yourself, and strength to support each other as you mourn your loss.
     
  9. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    I am so sorry Hazleds, my condolences to you and your family.

    image.jpeg
     
  10. Roses40

    Roses40 Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    473
    manchester
    My very sincere condolences at this distressing time for you.you coped so well under such a a traumatic situation. Love Rose x
     
  11. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,280
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Oh hazleds my sincere condolences to you dear dads passing. He is at peace now . Wishing you strength for the coming days xxxxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  12. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,604
    West Midlands
    Such sad news. Thinking of you and your family while you get through the days. TP is always here if you need us xxxx




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  13. hazleds

    hazleds Registered User

    Nov 18, 2015
    3
    Thank you for your kind comments.
    Sue
     
  14. Babymare01

    Babymare01 Registered User

    Apr 22, 2015
    305
    No other words other than you and your family are in my thoughts. xxx
     
  15. MeganCat

    MeganCat Registered User

    Jan 29, 2013
    356
    South Wales
    So sorry for your loss, thoughts with you and your family
     
  16. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    I am so sorry for your loss, you are in my thoughts.
     

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